Mother Wounds: Can A Man See Women As His Enemies If He Had An Abusive Mother?

Not too long ago, a man may have experienced a breakup. He may have been with a woman who didn’t treat him very well and be relieved that their time together has come to an end.

If so, this would have been a relationship that was anything but harmonious and there wouldn’t have been a great deal of love between them. Over time, this relationship would have worn him down, with him being a shadow of his former self.

Mixed Feelings

Along with feeling relieved that they have now gone their separate ways, he could be filled with anger, rage and hate. But, if he was with a woman who was neglectful and verbally and even physically abusive, this is not going to be a surprise.

He will have been treated like he was nothing and this will have had a big impact on every part of him. Still, at other moments, he could feel helpless, hopeless, rejected, and worthless.

Looking Back

If he were to look back on this area of his life, he might think about another woman he has been with who was very similar. This could go back even further, though, as he may have been with at least one other woman who was very similar.

At this point, he could come to the conclusion that this is just what women are like and he might decide that it is best for him to stay single. But, if he believes that women just want to undermine him, this is to be expected.

External Feedback

If he were to speak to a male friend about what is going on for him, what he says could be validated. This friend could say that women are just out to get them and that they need to be very careful around them.

There is a chance that this friend has also been with at least one woman who was abusive. However, even if he doesn’t have a friend who validates what is going on for him, he is likely to find numerous videos and social media accounts that will.

A Battle

It will then be him and other men against women and he will need to be very vigilant around them. He might come to the conclusion that it is best if he only has sex with them; that way, he won’t be undermined by them.

The trouble with this outlook is that a number of his needs won’t be met and this can cause him to lead a very lonely existence. This is something that might enter his mind and, thereby, cause him to look into why his life is this way.

What’s going on?

If this is the case, he can believe that seeing women as people who are out to get him and make his life a misery won’t allow him to have a harmonious relationship and experience intimacy with a woman. Yet, although this is what he will want, it won’t change the fact that he has been with one or a number of women who were now very pleasant.

As this is what he has continually experienced, there is a chance that his early years were anything but nurturing. He may have had a mother who was not only emotionally unavailable and out of reach but also abusive.

Back In Time

Instead of receiving the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way, he would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded. Most likely, his mother had also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during her formative years, which was why she couldn’t love him.

But, as he would have been egocentric at this stage of his life, he would have personalised what took place. He would then have believed that he was worthless and unlovable.

Another Element

To handle what happened, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs. This wouldn’t have changed what was going on but it would have stopped him from being consciously aware of the pain that he was in.

Furthermore, how his mother behaved and the meaning that his underdeveloped brain made would have largely defined how he came to view women. It wouldn’t have mattered that his mother didn’t represent all women.

A Continuation

Many years will have passed since this stage of his life but he won’t have fully moved on from what happened. The view that he developed of himself and women will play a part in why he is drawn to women who mistreat him.

Also, there is likely to be another part of him that is still trying to receive his mother’s love, with this part of him having no sense of time and being blind. This part of him won’t be able to accept that this stage of his life is over and another woman is not his mother.

Moving Forward

To gradually change his life, he is likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk