Mother Wounds: Can A Man Struggle To Be Loved By A Woman If His Mother Was Emotionally Unavailable?13/3/2025
If a man were to step back and reflect on his life, he might see that he has spent a lot of time trying to make women like him. Along with this, he might see that he has been with a number of women who were unable to love him.
As a result, he can believe that there is something wrong with him and he is unlovable, which is why this area of his life in this way. He is then going to want to be in a loving relationship but it is not going to be possible for him to achieve this goal. External Feedback If he were to talk to a friend about the experiences he has had and what he believes, he could end up being supported. They could tell him that there is nothing inherently wrong with him and he is lovable. What they could also say is that he is just unlucky and that, sooner or later his luck will change. Additionally, they could suggest that he works on his appearance and develops other areas of his life. One Route If this is the case and he heeds their advice, he could end up putting a lot of effort into his appearance and developing other areas of his life. He can go to the gym, change his hairstyle and wear different clothes. As for the other areas of his life, he could focus more on one or a number of hobbies or start a new one. For example, he could practice martial arts, study a period of history or travel to different places. The Next Stage As the weeks and months pass, he could find that he receives more interest from women but that could be as far as it will go. So, he could meet a woman who he is attracted to and is attracted to him and then, before long, he could be in a situation that is very familiar. She could start to pull away and say that she is not looking for a relationship at this time. Conversely, she could just become out of reach and he might not hear from her. The Same Old Story At this point, he could feel incredibly frustrated and angry and as though this area of his life will never change. But, as he will have been in this position for so long, it is not going to be a surprise that he feels helpless and hopeless. What might cross his mind at this stage is that he needs to forget about this area of his life and focus on other areas. This won’t allow him to meet his need to be in a loving relationship with a woman but it will be seen as the only way for him to stop himself from suffering. No Escape Yet, while he won’t have to go through the pain of not being able to take things further with a woman, he will still suffer. This is because he won’t be able to meet his need to be in a loving relationship. If he does turn his back on this area of his life, then, it is unlikely to be long until his behaviour changes. Assuming that this is the case, he can wonder why this area of his life is this way. What’s going on? Now, although he can believe that there is something wrong with him and this is why this area of his life is this way, this is unlikely to be the truth. There is a chance that a part of his consciousness is causing him to experience life in this way. Thus, it is not that he is inherently flawed and unlovable; no, it is that another part of him wants something else. At a deeper level, a big part of him can want to be with a woman who can’t love him, in the hope that he can’t make her love him. A Deeper Look As bizarre as this may sound, this part of him will be frozen in time. The reason why this part of him is frozen in time is likely to be due to the fact that he was brought up by a mother who was emotionally unavailable and out of reach. This would have caused him to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded and as he was egocentric, he would have come to believe that he was worthless and unlovable. To handle what happened, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs, with him living in the hope - the false hope - that if he struggled, he would be loved by his mother. A Futile Struggle But, as his mother was likely to have also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during her formative years, she wouldn’t have been able to love him. Many years will have passed since that stage of his life, of course, but the part of him that is frozen in time will still be looking for the love that he missed out on. This part of him has no sense of time and is blind, which is why it can’t accept that it is too late for him to receive the love that he missed out on and another woman is not his mother. For him to no longer look for the love that he missed out on and receive the love that is available, he will have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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