Mother Wounds: Can A Mother’s Fear Of The Masculine Cause Her To Emasculate Her Son?

In general, a man could be passive, easy-going, not stand up for himself or be assertive. Consequently, he is seldom going to take action, express his opinion, stand his ground or assert himself.

Most likely, this is going to stop him from being able to live a fulfilling life. For example, he can have a job that is not going anywhere and is sole-destroying and he can be in a relationship where he is continually taken advantage of.

The Norm

But, if his life has been this way for a long time, he might not believe that there is another way for him to experience life. In fact, he might not have even thought about what his life is like, let alone come to the conclusion that he has no other choice.

However, if this is the case, there might come a point in time when he has well and truly had enough. At this point, he could start to think about his life and how he behaves.

Stepping Back

What could enter his mind is that he just puts up with things and rarely takes action. He could then see that this causes him to ignore certain needs and for his life to pass him by.

Moreover, he could see that this causes him to be continually mistreated by others and not to protect himself. He is then going to be like a doormat and being walked over will be normal.

The Next Stage

Still, after thinking about his life, he might not feel capable of doing anything about what is going on. He could believe that this is just what his life is like and he has to put up what is going on.

Assuming that this is what takes place, it is likely to show how powerless he feels. Yet, as an adult, he is not powerless; he has the ability to change his life.  

What’s going on?

It can seem strange as to not only why he wouldn’t know this but why he is so beaten down to begin with. He is clearly not in his power and this shows that something isn’t right.

Now, if he has been this way for as long as he can remember, it could show that he wasn’t built up during his formative years. Instead, he might have been undermined by his mother and perhaps his father.

Back In Time

His mother might have done just about everything that she could to make sure that he would never be a threat to her. This is not to say that this was something that she consciously chose to do.

Additionally, this is also not to say that he had the tendency to act in ways that were threatening. Most likely she was oblivious to what she was doing and the impact that it was having and he wasn’t a threat.

Two Levels

This is likely to show that, deep down, she feared men and, most importantly, the traits that a man can show. If then, she didn’t make sure that he was incapable of undermining her; she would have believed that he would have caused her to suffer.

She might have been brought up by a father who was abusive and/or had been with men who had abused their power. Either way, she wouldn’t have faced and resolved what she had been through, which was why she wasn’t able to see her son clearly and build him up.

Another Element

If his father had been around during this time, he might have been out of touch with his own power. His son’s mother would then have unconsciously chosen a man who wouldn’t be a threat and who she could control.

At times, she might have used his power to ‘discipline’ their son and make sure that he did what she wanted him to do. His father, a man who was probably out of touch with his own power, would then have played a part in making sure his son wouldn’t develop his own power and grow into a strong man.

The Priority

As with his mother, his father would have probably been oblivious to what he was doing and the impact that it was having. His greatest concern was probably to please his son’s mother and his greatest fear was probably being left by her.

Thanks to how wounded he was, he wasn’t in a position to stand up for and protect his son from the harm that his mother was doing and played his own part in undermining him. His father might have been brought up by a mother who greatly undermined him and a father who enabled what was going on, along with undermining him.

The outcome

But, although his mother and father were likely to have been deeply wounded human beings, he wouldn’t have realised this as his brain was underdeveloped and he was egocentric. So, in addition to being greatly wounded and deeply deprived, he would have personalised what took place.

He would then have come to believe that he was worthless and unlovable and that it wasn’t safe for him to express himself or stand his ground. And, to handle the pain that he was in, he would have gradually lost touch with his body and thus his connected, true self, and developed a disconnected and deflated, false self.

A New Reality

For him to gradually move on from what happened and be in his power, he is likely to have a lot of inner work to do. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk