Mother Wounds: What Can Happen If A Man Had A Mother Who Lacked Empathy?

If a man was brought up by a mother who lacked empathy, he might not be consciously aware of this. Even so, it doesn’t mean that he will have truly moved on from this stage of his life.

Therefore, if he were to remember some of the things that took place and how this impacted him, he might see that he was still caught up in this stage of his life. However, thanks to his brain’s ability to repress pain and memories, he won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak.

One part

So, due to what he went through as a child, he might not be rooted in his body. As a result of this, he is unlikely to have a strong connection with a number of his needs and feelings.

His awareness can then typically be in his head and he can rely on this part of him to direct his life. Additionally, he can look toward others for guidance and direction when it comes to what he should be doing.

Another part

When it comes to his general mood, feeling down and being in a depressed state can be the norm. He is then not going to have a great deal of energy and will, thus, lack the drive that he needs to continually take action and get things done.

Naturally, this is going to hold him back and prevent him from being able to move forward. The years will then have passed but a number of areas of his life might not have really changed.

One More

When it comes to his love life, he might not have been in a relationship, or he might have been with at least one woman who wasn’t very loving. When it comes to the latter, this may have been a time when he didn’t feel seen and heard and was taken advantage of.

He could even believe that this is just what women are like and he may have decided to keep his distance from them. But, while this will stop him from being hurt, it won’t allow him to meet his need for affection and warmth, among other things, from a woman.

Stepping Back

Now, if he were to step back and reflect on his life, he might see that he doesn’t have a strong connection with his needs and feelings, lacks energy and ends up with women who are not very loving. After this, he could conclude that these issues as well as others are all separate and require a different approach.

Nonetheless, if he were to think about his early years and some of the experiences he had with his mother, he might gradually come to see that most if not all of the issues he has have the same cause. This can be something that becomes clear after he has started to explore his early years and looked into how he adapted to what was going on.

Back in Time

From a very young age, his mother might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. This would have meant that she typically didn’t attune to his needs and provide him with the care that he needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Apart from meeting his basic needs, then, the needs that allowed him to survive and his physical self to develop, he would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded. To handle the lack of attunement and care, he would have been forced to lose touch with himself.

Self-Alienation

This would have involved him losing touch with a number of his needs and feelings and disconnecting from his body. The connection that he had to his essence would have been replaced by a disconnected and outer-directed, false self.

The pain that he was in and the needs that were not met would have been repressed and held in his body. What would have also helped to keep this pain out of his conscious awareness would have been for him to go into a collapsed physical state, with his parasympathetic nervous system being activated.

The Meaning

And, as he was egocentric, his underdeveloped brain would have personalised what took place. The outcome of this is that he would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with his needs and feelings.

In reality, his mother had probably been deprived during her formative years and wasn’t able to love him. What she experienced during this time is likely to have undermined her ability to feel, which would have made it hard for her to empathise and be loving.

Moving Forward

Taking all this into account, he was deeply traumatised during his early years and this left him in a bad way. To reconnect to himself, reclaim his energy and develop a felt sense of worth, he is likely to have a lot of inner work to do.

This will take courage, patience and persistence.  

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk