Mother Wounds: Why Would A Man Have Had A Mother Who Treated Him Like He Was Nothing?

A man might not remember a great deal about what took place during his formative years but that doesn’t mean what took place at this stage of his life is well and truly in the past. Consequently, his adult life can be very similar to how it was for him during this stage of his life.

It might seem strange as to why he wouldn’t be able to see the connection but this is likely to largely be due to the fact that his brain has caused him to forget about what happened. As a result of this, the life that he leads can just be seen as how life is.

A Closer Look

That is, of course, if he has taken a step back and reflected on his life. When it comes to his inner world, he can often experience self-doubt, put himself down, feel low and down.

Based on this, he is going to be more like his own worst enemy than his own best friend.  Putting things off and not taking action is then going to be the norm and his life is unlikely to be very fulfilling.

The Other Side

As this is what is going on internally, his external world can be very bleak. He could have a job that he can’t stand and he might have had this job for many years.

When it comes to his relationships, he might not have any close friends and he could be with a woman who doesn’t treat him very well. If so, she could be verbally abusive and often humiliate him.

External Feedback

Now, if someone in his life is aware of what is taking place in his intimate relationship, they could be supportive and encourage him to break up with her. They could tell him that he doesn’t deserve to be treated in this way.

After hearing this, he could agree with what he is told but that could be about as far as it will go. He could then carry on living in the same way and continue to be treated like dirt by his girlfriend.

The Next Stage

After a while, he could take a step back and reflect on his life. He could see that it’s as though he is in an abusive relationship with himself and what is going on externally is an extension of what is going on for him internally.

If this is the case, he could wonder why he is experiencing life in this way. However, if he were to think about what it was like for him during his early years, he might gradually see how similar this stage of his life was to how it is for him now.

Back In Time

This may have been as stage of his life that was anything but nurturing, with it being a time when he was greatly deprived and deeply wounded. His mother might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach.
Additionally, she might have been verbally and physically abusive. This would have meant that he not only missed out on what he needed to grow and develop in the right way but that he was greatly undermined.

A Brutal Time

What he needed at this stage was an attentive, caring and supportive mother, which would have played a big part in him being able to grow into a strong and capable adult. Instead, he had a mother who was out of reach, uncaring, cruel, and unsupportive, which would have played a big part in why he doesn’t feel good about himself and feels comfortable being treated badly.

Based on how his mother often treated him, it will be as if he had no value and was unlovable. But, although he would have come to believe this as he was egocentric, how she treated him was a reflection of what was going on for her.

The Other Direction

Most likely, she had been treated like dirt during her formative years and this caused her to develop a disconnected, unfeeling and perhaps inflated, false self. Yet, as she wasn’t able to deal with any of her issues, perhaps because she had a personality disorder, she ended up treating her son in the same way that she was treated, or a way that was very similar.
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She wouldn’t have been able to see him clearly as she would have projected the disowned parts of herself into him. This would have stopped her from seeing that he was an innocent boy who was valuable and lovable and caused her to see him as a worthless human being who deserved to be punished.

Moving Forward

The truth is that he didn’t deserve to be treated in this way; he deserved to be cherished. For him to realise that he is valuable and lovable, he is likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience.

This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk