Mother Wounds: Why Would A Mother Have Hated Her Son?

If a man were to step back and reflect on his early years, he might see that his mother often treated him like he was nothing. So, he might have frequently been criticised, humiliated, hit, rejected, and even left by her.

Now, if he were to imagine that he has a child, assuming that he doesn’t, and he treated them in the same way, what could enter his mind is that this would show that he doesn’t really like his child. Or, at the very least, there is a lot that he doesn’t like about them.

A Strange Scenario

After thinking about this, he could think about how she must have hated him. Or, at the very least, that there was a lot that she hated about him.  

But, as he was her son and had come through her, and she often treated him like dirt, this is not going to be a surprise. Of course, if she had treated him badly on the odd occasion and even apologised, this could be put down to her simply being an imperfect human being.

A Big Difference

Yet, as this was something that took place on a regular basis for however many years, even if she did apologise at times, it will show that there was far more to it than her just being an ‘imperfect human being’ who made mistakes. This is then similar to how, if he were in a relationship and continually mistreated his partner, it would also show that this is not merely because he is an imperfect human being.

In all likelihood, she was a deeply wounded human being who wasn’t in a good way mentally and emotionally. Due to this, it probably wasn’t possible for her to see her son clearly.

Faulty Vision

There is a chance that she was unconsciously projecting someone or a number of people from her past into him. For example, this might have been her father, mother and/or brother, for instance.

Assuming that it was one person, this would have been someone who she had issues with.  By unknowingly placing this person into her son, then, she was trying to get her own back on this person and resolve what had taken place perhaps decades ago.

It Wasn’t Personal

What this will mean is that how she treated him had nothing to do with him, or his value or lovability. Instead, it was a reflection of what was being held inside her consciousness that needed to be resolved.

Most likely, thanks to how wounded she was, she was oblivious to the damage that she was doing and actually believed that her son was the problem. This would have allowed her to justify her behaviour and not feel guilty and ashamed of how she was behaving.

A Different Experience

Then again, if there were moments when she did apologise, it will show that she did experience guilt and shame at times. Yet, there would have been other parts of her that generally took over and prevented these feelings from entering her conscious awareness and having much of an impact on her.

This would have allowed her to undermine her son on a regular basis and still be able to sleep at night. The trouble is that as he would have been egocentric at this stage of his life, he wouldn’t have been able to see that his mother wasn’t well.

The outcome

This would have caused him to believe that he was worthless and unlovable. Another part of this is that by him personalising what took place, it would have given him the hope, the false hope, that if he did what she wanted, he would finally be loved.

But, as she wasn’t able to love him, this struggle for love would have been completely futile. Still, if he had faced reality, he is likely to have been filled with despair and it would have been too much for him to handle.

The Other Side

To put his experience to one side and go back to his mother, her early years might have been just as brutal as his, if not more so. This might have been a time when she was criticised, humiliated, hit, rejected and left by her mother and/or father.

If so, the impact that this had on her is likely to have caused her to disconnect from her body and create an unfeeling and inflated false self. Thus, by not having a good connection to her feeling self, it would have been easier for her to cause harm as her ability to empathise would have been greatly undermined, if not completely neutralised.

Seeing Clearly

Taking all this into account, what the man can keep in mind is that how he was treated was not a reflection of his worth or lovability. What it was a reflection of is how wounded his mother was and perhaps still is, if she is alive.

For him to know this, at the core of his being, he is likely to have a lot of inner work to do. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk