Relationships: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Be Depressed After A Breakup?

A few days or weeks ago, some may have experienced a breakup, and since then, they might not have been in a good way. They might have been with the other person for a number of months or years.

Either way, thanks to what is going on for them, it won’t be possible for them to just carry on with their life. When it comes to what is going on for them, they can often feel very sad or numb, have little energy, not have much interest in doing anything, and find it hard to sleep each night and wake up each morning.

A Natural Outcome

One way of looking at what they are going through would be to say that it is normal. After all, they were with another person for however long and developed an emotional connection to them, and now that it has come to an end, this connection will have been severed.

This is why they are not in a good way. But as the weeks and months pass, providing that they face how they feel and with the support of their friends or family, among other things, they should be able to gradually get back on their feet, so to speak.

One Scenario

If this is what takes place, it won’t be long until they are able to embrace life again and experience a new normal. Nonetheless, there is a chance that this won’t take place, and instead of getting better as time passes, they could continue to find it hard to function.

What might enter their mind during this stage is that this shows that they were meant to be with their ex, and that they need to get back with them. This might be the case, but then again, it might be due to something else.

A Closer Look

There is a chance that how they have responded is partly a consequence of what they experienced during their formative years and the impact it had on them. From a very young age, they might have missed out on the attunement, mirroring, care, affection and support that they needed.

In other words, they might have often been left when they were an infant and a toddler, when they needed to be seen and held. When this took place, they wouldn’t have been developed enough to regulate how they felt.

The Effect

As a result, this would have involved them going into a collapsed physiological state and disconnecting from their embodied, true self. This would have allowed them to handle what happened and thereby stop themselves from falling apart and their life coming to an end.

They might have continued to be neglected as the years passed, or their parent or parents might have been more responsive. But even if they did become more responsive, they are likely to have stayed in this collapsed state to one degree or another, in addition to carrying most, if not all, of the pain and the unmet developmental needs that were repressed at this stage of their life.

The Connection

With this in mind, when they experienced a breakup and experienced more pain, it would have reminded them, at a deeper, unconscious level, of when they first experienced a relational rupture. Like then, their system would have become even more collapsed, with them becoming more disconnected from their body to ensure that their conscious mind wasn’t flooded with inner material so that they could function.

The flat state that they are in, or are often in, can then be seen as a sign of depression and as a problem that needs to be fixed, but it will be a sign that their nervous system is maxed out and doing what it can to protect them. If it weren't for them adapting in this way, they would be overwhelmed by pain and probably wouldn’t last for very long.

Moving Forward

If this is the case, their breakup will have caused them to respond in a way that they responded when they were very small. Many years will have passed since this stage of their life, but they won’t have truly put it behind them.

For this to take place, they will have pain to face and process and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk