Relationships: Can Social Media F**k Up Someone’s Chances Of Having A Fulfilling Relationship?

Over the years, someone may have been in a number of relationships that were anything but fulfilling. Thanks to this, they may believe that all men or women are the same.

But, even if they don’t have this outlook, after spending time online, they might gradually come to this conclusion. The reason for this is that they can come across posts or videos that say, in one way or another, that all members of the opposite sex are the same.

Black and white

They can talk about how they all behave in the same way and that it is up to them to change in order for men or women to have fulfilling relationships. Men are then going to be on one side, and women will be on the other.

This person can even create the impression that men or women are more evolved than the opposite sex. They, along with their fellow men and women, will then be ready, while the opposite sex won’t be.

A big impact

After reading a post like this, they can feel validated, with it being as if what they are going through is just what every other heterosexual man or woman is going through. If so, after reading a few of these posts, they can be fully convinced that the opposite sex is the problem.

As the days, weeks and months pass and they have read even more, their view is likely to be strengthened. Before they were exposed to this information, they might have felt helpless and hopeless, but now they can feel strong and energised.

Element

They may even have the sense that they, along with their fellow men or women, are superior to the opposite sex. If they do, this can be another thing that has a positive impact on their mood.  

Furthermore, if they follow and leave comments on what this person says about the opposite sex, they are likely to strengthen the view that the person who is sharing this information has. This shows that both the creator and the audience are being psychologically rewarded.

The Next Stage

However, as time passes, they may find that although viewing this information is affirming and gives them the sense that they are not alone in what they are going through, it is not actually helping them to change this area of their life. In addition, they may have found that this area of their life has gotten worse.

They might see that, since they have been exposed to this information, they have heard about and met more members of the opposite sex who are anything but pleasant. Assuming that this has happened, they can wonder why this is.

Another Angle

What this comes down to is that they, along with every other person on the planet, irrespective of whether they are a man or a woman, are not a passive observer of their reality. In other words, what is taking place within their own consciousness has an impact on what they do and don’t experience.

Therefore, if they believe that all members of the opposite sex are the same, their reality will mirror this back. They may overlook or dismiss members of the opposite sex who don’t fit their beliefs, while being more drawn to those who do.

Another Reality

If what was going on inside their own inner world didn’t have an impact on what they experience in the external world, it wouldn’t matter what they believed. They could then spend their time consuming material that endlessly talks about how rotten the opposite sex is and dwell on this, but it wouldn’t matter.

What this illustrates is how mindful they need to be when it comes to what they allow themselves to consume and dwell on. If they are on board with this, what might enter their mind is why they have continually ended up with men or women who were not right for them before they were exposed to this information.

Going Deeper

They could say that before this, they wanted to be in a loving relationship, not one that undermined them. Nonetheless, while this is what they are likely to have wanted and still want at a conscious level, at a deeper, unconscious level, they may have had and still have another agenda.

At this level, they might be trying to receive what they missed out on during their formative years. They can then unconsciously be re-creating what it was like for them as a child in the hope that this time, it will be different.

For Example

This may have been a stage of their life when one or both of their parents were emotionally unavailable and out of reach. They would then have been deprived of the nurturing that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Now, many years will have passed since then, and thus it will be too late for them to receive what they missed out on. But at a deeper, emotional level, they won’t realise that this stage of their life is over and that another man or woman is not their mother or father.

Round in Circles

The outcome of this is that they will not only be unconsciously drawn to men or women who can’t meet their unmet developmental needs, but who also can’t meet many, or any, of their adult needs, causing them to be deprived and wounded all over again. Ultimately, the time has passed for them to resolve this stage of their life externally; it has to be resolved internally.

For this to take place, they will have pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. Another key part of what will allow them to be in a nourishing relationship will be for them to spend time seeing themselves with a man or woman who is like this and to emotionally feed into this reality.

Final Thoughts

Part of them might see this as a waste of time and as though they are deceiving themselves, but it will play a part in what will align them with the reality that they desire. What will also be important is for them to learn about the signs that show that another man or woman is not emotionally available, for instance.

With all this in mind, it shows that they are not powerless in this area of their life. But real change won’t come through blaming the opposite sex; it will come through understanding their own patterns and transforming them. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk