If someone believes that they are not enough, it can end up having a big affect on just about every area of their life. One area in particular that this can impact is their romantic relationships.
However, just because someone has this view of themselves, it doesn’t mean that they are aware of it. This is one of the reasons why not everyone who has this view of themselves is going to behave in the same way.
If this is something that one is aware of, it may mean that they don’t ever bother trying to reach out to a potential mate. Due to how they feel about themselves, this will be seen as a complete waste of time.
Doing this may be seen as something that would just cause them to be rejected and therefore, it wouldn’t be worth the effort. Not reaching out to someone who they are attracted to will be painful, but it won’t be as painful as what they see as the alternative.
Anyone Will Do
If they have been with people in the past, it doesn’t mean that they would have made the first move. Instead, the other person may have more or less made all the effort and been the one who got the ball moving, so to speak.
Consequently, most, if not all, of people they have ended up with might not have been the type of people who they were fully attracted to. Most of their relationships won’t have been very fulfilling if this is the case.
A Lot of Effort
What they may also find, if they were to look back on how they behaved when they were in a relationship, is that they found it hard to relax and had the needs to do things. Said another way, they may have found it hard to be themselves and to just be.
This would have been a way for them to try to prevent the other person from realising that they were not enough. If they had slowed down and allowed themselves to just be, a lot of fear, anxiety and shame may have come to the surface.
If, on the other hand, if this is something that one is rarely aware of, it may mean that they come across as confident and well-adjusted. From the outside, then, the average person is not going to know that the image that they present to the world has very little to do with what is actually taking place within them.
This is then similar to a car that looks brand new on the outside, but on the inside, it doesn’t even have an engine. Nonetheless, someone like this will still give off certain clues that give the game away.
Out of their need to stop another person from seeing that they are not enough, they can do everything they can to look perfect. This can then mean that they will spend a lot of time on their appearance.
Coming across as though nothing fazes them and only expressing ‘positive’ emotions may be another consequence. Though feeling imperfect and flawed deep down, going to the other extreme and being perfect, will be a way for them to avoid how they feel.
Through being out of touch with how they really feel and having a well very developed false-self, it is going to be more or less impossible for them to truly connect to another person. When it comes to the type of people who they end up with, they may be successful and/or very attractive.
Being with someone like this will increase their value in the eyes of others and it will allow them to feel better about themselves. Their relationships are then going to be anything but deep.
A Lot of Pressure
Naturally, maintaining all this is going to take a lot of effort and it will be even harder for them to do this as the years go by. For one thing, their appearance will change as time goes by, making it harder for them to avoid how they feel.
Unless something changes within them, their need to experience a deeper connection with another person, and people in general, is going to be overlooked. Still, something will need to happen in order to direct their attention away from the outer world and towards their inner world.
A Closer Look
Regardless of whether someone is in touch with this view or is rarely in touch with it, there is the chance that what is taking place within them is the result of what took place at the beginning of their life. This may have been a time when they didn’t get the love that they needed.
Ergo, as opposed being shown that they were enough and were an inherently valuable person, they may have been abused and/or neglected. They may have even been told nice things by their caregiver/s but the words that came out of their mouth wouldn’t have matched up with their behaviour.
A New Experience
Ultimately, it is what someone’s caregiver’s did, not what they said, that had the biggest impact on them. The truth is that one is enough and parts of themselves that tell them otherwise are lying.
When they realise this they will no longer need to try to prove this to others and this will allow them to express their true-self. Their need to prove that they are enough can end up being replaced by their need to connect and, if they are not enough for another person, they will be happy to move on and find someone else.
If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.