|
What can be normal is for a man to spend a lot of time by himself, with him not having the need to be around others. Then again, he might often spend time with friends, but he might not be overly close to them.
If he were to think about why this is, he might think about how he is very independent and doesn’t really need others. This may also mean that he is self-employed, but this might not be the case. Another Area If he has ever been in an intimate relationship, it might not have lasted for very long. This may have been a time when he found the woman to be very needy and saw her as wanting too much from him. Once this relationship came to an end, he might have soon gone back to how he was before and forgotten about the woman he was with. If the woman had messaged him after this, he might not have replied, and he may have even blocked her. One Scenario After this and since then, he might have just had casual encounters with women. He will then share his body and perhaps his mind with them, but that will be as far as it will go. This will allow him to take care of his sexual needs, but he won’t have to worry about feeling weighed down. After a while, though, he might end up meeting a woman, and things might go further. The next Stage If so, at the beginning, he can feel connected and alive and enjoy the direction that this area of his life is taking. But as things progress and they become closer, he might start to feel trapped and end up shutting down. The outcome of this is that he might no longer feel connected to her and could pull away. If this is what happens, he might not message her or reply to her messages and could go back to living how he did before. The other Side The woman he is with could wonder what has happened to him; it might be as though he has left the planet. She can then be concerned about him, but over time, she can feel rejected and abandoned. There is a chance that she has been in this position before, with her being used to a man pulling away just as things start to progress. If this is the case, it can show that she is unconsciously trying to resolve what took place during her formative years. Stepping Back Anyway, if he has gone back to focusing on his work and even having casual encounters, he might end up thinking deeply about this area of his life. This can be a time when he wonders why he typically acts as though he doesn’t need others, and when he does experience intimacy, he soon feels anxious and has the need to pull away. What can then stand out is that the part of him that wants to connect deeply to others and a woman is denied, or it is embraced, but it isn’t long before it is denied again. What’s going on? What might enter his mind at this point is that there must be something inherently wrong with him. As a result, he can end up feeling ashamed and very low, with it being as though his life will always be this way. But, even if he does come to this conclusion and feels this way, it doesn’t mean that how he sees himself is accurate or how he feels reflects reality. The reason he is like this can show that he grew up in an environment that wasn’t very nurturing. A Closer Look From a very young age, he might have often been criticised, ignored, rejected, controlled, and abandoned. Not having a mother and father who were generally responsive to how he felt and his needs would have stopped him from receiving the attunement, mirroring, care, affection and support that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. It would have also sent him the message that his needs and feelings were bad and were a problem. And as he was egocentric, he would have come to believe that he was worthless and unlovable. A Matter of Survival To handle being greatly deprived and deeply wounded, he would have gradually lost touch with his embodied, connected, and fully feeling true self. In its place would have been the creation of a disembodied, disconnected and not fully feeling false self. Along with this, the ‘protector’ part of his psyche would have done what it could to ensure that the part of him that needed others and wanted to connect to them was kept in line, so to speak. This part knew that freely expressing his needs would cause him to be harmed and even left, so it controlled this part of him to maintain his connection to his mother or father and keep him alive. Moving Forward With this in mind, he didn’t choose to be someone who is overly self-reliant and keeps others at bay; he became this way to handle a stage of his life that was brutal. For him to gradually change his life, there will be a number of steps for him to take. He will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
0 Comments
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 29 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|