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Right now, a woman can be in a position where the man she is with has pulled away and is no longer as responsive as he was. He can then sometimes reply to her messages and voice notes, but that can be it.
It might go further than this, though, as she might not hear back from him, no matter how many messages or voice notes she sends him. If this is so, it can be as if he has left the planet. A Strange Scenario If this is the first time that this has taken place, she can wonder if he is ok and be concerned about his wellbeing. But, as his behaviour will have radically changed and she can no longer reach him, this is to be expected. On the other hand, if she just accepted this and carried on with her life, it would probably show, at the very least, that she hadn’t developed an emotional connection with him. But as she has developed an emotional connection with him, she is not just going to be able to carry on with her life. Another Part Along with this, she can feel rejected and abandoned. As a result, she will be an adult, but it can be as though she is a small child who can’t handle life by herself and needs him to be able to survive. So, her concern for him and how she feels can cause her to continually message and call him. This can make it hard for her to focus and concentrate on other areas of her life, but it can also make it easier for her to manage how she feels. The next Stage After a number of weeks or months, he could end up getting back in touch with her. If he does, he can make out that he just had a lot on and go back to behaving as he did before, or he can be very sorry about how he behaved. Either way, she can be happy that he is back and be happy to carry on with how things were. When they were together before, she might have felt alive, connected, valued, and good about herself, and she can soon feel this way again. The Same Story However, while she can settle down again and be happy with this area of her life, it might not be long before he disappears again. If he does, once again, she can be very unsettled emotionally She might worry about him at first, but can soon hope that he will come back again before long. He will then have disappeared twice, but instead of thinking about whether he is right for her, she will have a strong need for him to return. A Different Inner Experience In addition to this hope, there can be moments when she imagines being with him again and their relationship moving forward. For example, she might imagine them living together and even being married. At other moments, perhaps as a result of there being no evidence that he will return, she can feel helpless and hopeless. To handle how she feels, she might end up shutting down and not be able to feel anything. Stepping back If she were able to mentally detach from what is going on for her, she could wonder why she wants to be with a man who is unable to sustain emotional closeness. What might enter her mind is that instead of hoping that he will come back, she should be hoping that he doesn’t. After this, she might see that this is not the first time that she has been with a man who is like this, and when this has happened before, she also hoped that he would come back after he disappeared. As confusing as this will be, there is a chance that, to her unconscious mind, a man like this represents her mother or father, and she is trying to receive what she missed out on as a child. Back In Time The reason for this is that, during her formative years, she might not have consistently received the attunement and care that she needed. Instead, she might have often been rejected, abandoned and even smothered. To handle what happened and keep it together and function, her brain would have repressed how she felt and a number of her needs. Furthermore, as she was egocentric, she would have blamed herself and lived in the hope that, if she became who her mother and perhaps father wanted and did what they wanted, she would be loved. The Same Outcome But as there was nothing wrong with her and her mother and perhaps father simply couldn’t provide her with what she needed, it wouldn’t have mattered how she adapted. She was helpless and hopeless at this stage of her life. The false hope that she had would have served as a secondary defence, as it would have aided in repression and allowed her to release tension. This part of her can’t see that another man is not her mother or father and that it is too late, as it is blind and has no sense of time, which is why it believes it is possible for her to struggle for the love that she didn’t receive as a child. Moving Forward If this part of her were to accept that it is too late for her to receive what she missed out on, she would stop trying to make unavailable men available, but it would also cause her to come into contact with how she felt as a child. This will relate to her feeling totally helpless and hopeless. With this in mind, for her to gradually change her life, she will have a number of steps to take. She will have pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. Awareness If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 29 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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