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A woman may be with a man who messages her a lot, often leaves her voice notes and wants to spend a lot of time with her. Due to this, she might believe that she has met a man who is right for her and will stay around.
If so, this can be because she has already been with a number of men who were like this, only for them to change as time passed. But thanks to how this man is behaving, she can be convinced that this time it will be different. The Next Stage The days, weeks and months can pass, and things can continue to go in the same direction. However, just as she starts to really settle into how things are, he might gradually become less responsive. So, he might not message her as much, not leave many or any voice notes, and he might not talk about them getting together. Conversely, he might disappear, with her not hearing from him, let alone not seeing him. Confusion If he does become less responsive, but he doesn’t disappear completely, she can wonder what is going on. After this has been going on for a while, she can feel frustrated and angry. But if she has been in this position before, this is to be expected. After a while, she might end up feeling rejected and abandoned. One Experience Even so, she can hope that, sooner or later, he will go back to ho how he was before. Now, after he has cooled down, he can end up warming up again, so to speak, and things can go back to how they were before. But once again, he could end up pulling away again, and this time, she might hear from him. If it is as though he has left the planet, she can feel very low, and it can be hard for her to function. Stepping Back If he doesn’t come back, or she just cuts her ties with him, it might take a while for her to settle down again. She might need the support of friends and family, and even professional help, to be able to handle life again. Once she has settled down, she can reflect on this area of her life and wonder why she continually ends up with men who are like this. She might believe that this is just what men are like or that she is unlucky. An Exercise What can allow her to gain a deeper understanding of why her life is this way is for her to use her imagination. She can imagine that she meets a man who is not only right for her and is into her, but he also stays around. After this, she can feel relieved and grateful. Yet, if she were to stay with this inner experience, she may find that she starts to feel uncomfortable, and has the need to either push him away or to get away from him. A Strange Scenario If this is what takes place, after she imagines experiencing sustained emotional closeness, she can wonder what is going on. But as this is what she will want, it is not going to make any sense for her to be this way. What this can show is that at a deeper, emotional level, she has rejected herself and doesn’t feel worthy of being with a man who values and loves her. As a result, when she is with a man who doesn’t stick around, she won’t feel comfortable at a conscious level, but at an unconscious level, she will. At A Deeper Assuming that this is what is going on for her, what can enter her mind is why she has rejected herself at a deeper, emotional level and doesn’t feel worthy of being in a healthy relationship. If she were able to go back in time and observe her early years, it might gradually make sense. This may have been a stage of her life when her mother and perhaps her father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach. She then wouldn’t have consistently received the attunement, mirroring, care, affection, and support that she needed to grow and develop in the right way. Another part Most likely, her mother and perhaps her father couldn’t provide her with what she needed. But, although this was so, as she was egocentric, she would have personalised what took place. This would have caused her to believe that she was worthless and unlovable and to reject herself. To handle what happened, her brain would have repressed a number of her needs and the pain that she was in and she would have lived in the hope that, if she became who they wanted her to be and behaved how they wanted, she would be loved. The Same Story But although her adapting and behaving in a certain way wouldn’t have allowed her to be loved, as they were probably unable to love her, this hope would have served as a secondary defence, as it would have aided in repression and allowed her to release tension. With this in mind, many years will have passed, but as she sees herself in this way, is emotionally attached to being rejected, and perhaps associates human closeness with being annihilated, she will unconsciously recreate what it was like for her as a child. Deep down, she will be trying to receive the love that she missed out on, and will do this by unconsciously recreating what it was like for her as a child. At this level, she has no sense of time and is blind, which will prevent her from seeing that, as this stage of her life is over and another man is not her mother or father, it is too late for her to receive what she missed out on. Moving Forward For her to gradually change this area of her life, she will have a number of steps to take. She will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence. Awareness If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 29 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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