Although someone may realise that they are experiencing the same scenarios over and over again, there is also the chance that they won’t. If they are, it could seem strange as to why this keeps happening.
What they may conclude, after reflecting on what is taking place, is that they have no control over their life. Someone or something ’out there’ could be seen as being in control.
The Same Old Story
When it comes to what continually takes place, someone could find that they keep ending up with the same type of person. This could be someone who is abusive or emotionally unavailable, for instance.
They may find that this has taken place for as long as they can remember; it may even seem as though their life will always be this way. If they feel hopeless, it could be said that it won’t be much of a surprise.
If, on the other hand, someone is not aware of the fact that they keep experiencing the same scenarios over and over again, it will be just as frustrating. The difference is that they won’t have taken a step back and reflected on what is taking place.
What this may illustrate is that they are an ‘emotional’ person, which has prevented them from seeing the big picture. Through being focused on the trees, it won’t have allowed them to see the forest, so to speak.
In both of these cases, someone won’t understand why their life is the way that it is. However, while it may seem as though they are not playing a part in what is going on, this is unlikely to be the case.
But, for them to understand what is going on, it is likely that they will need to take a deeper look within themselves. For the answers that they seek are likely to be found in their body, not their mind.
Connecting the Dots
If they were able to remember what took place during their early years, what they may find is that their adult life is very similar; similar when it comes to what their relationships are like, and perhaps, many other areas, too. Therefore, many, many years will have passed, but there will be a lot that hasn’t have changed.
At this point, it would be clear that time alone is not enough to heal what happened; something else needs to take place in order to liberate them from the past. Nonetheless, why would they repeat what happened if it not serving them?
A Deeper Look
Undoubtedly, they would have suffered all those years ago and they will continue to suffer to this day. On the surface, it can seem as if they are a victim and that they are not playing a part in what is going on.
To understand why they would repeat something that is not benefiting them, it will be necessary to take a look at a defence mechanism known as ‘repetition compulsion’. When this defence is being utilized, someone will end up recreating something that had a big effect on them.
Like all defence mechanisms, this will be in place to stop them from experiencing pain. This can be hard to accept, considering that this defence is not stopping them from endlessly experiencing the same painful scenarios.
They are still experiencing pain, this is true; nevertheless, the pain that they experience is likely to be less severe than the pain that exists at a deeper level. Thus, if they were to accept that what took place is over and that their developmental needs are not going to be met, they would probably experience even more pain.
Additionally, what took place will have been painful but it will also be classed as what is familiar to their ego-mind. And, to this part of them, what is familiar is what is classed as what is safe.
This part of them doesn’t care if something is healthy or unhealthy; it only cares about if it is familiar. For their life to change, then, there are at least two things that will need to take place.
The pain that they are avoiding, by playing out the same scenarios, will need to be faced. If this pain is not acknowledged and worked through, they will be compelled to experience life in the same way.
By doing this, what their ego-mind associates as what is safe will gradually begin to change. Naturally, if they have a lot of pain/trauma locked inside their body, this is not going to happen overnight.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
Through having external support, one will be able to go where they wouldn’t go by themselves. This person will hold the space until they are able to hold the space for themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.