Repression: Can Repression Cause Someone To Be Aware But Unconscious?

If someone has an area of their life that is not very fulfilling, they can look into what they can do to change it. During this time, they can learn about how, once they become aware of how they are behaving, they will be able to change the behaviours that are not serving them and thus, change this area of their life.

For example, they might see that they continually end up with people who are emotionally unavailable and out of reach. So, they can look into what signs they need to become aware of that show that another person is not ready to have a real relationship.

Clarity

By becoming aware of the red flags, then, as soon as it becomes clear that another person is not right for them, they can move on. They might even see that, in the past, even if they did notice that something wasn’t right, they ignored it and carried on.

Now, though, they will have a clear idea of what they need to be aware of and that they need to step away when they are in this situation. However, after this, what might enter their mind is that their feelings also hold them back.

Another part

It then won’t just be enough for them to notice these signs, as they can find that there are moments when they feel lonely and needy, and this causes them to ignore what they see. As a result, it will be essential for them to be aware of how they feel during these moments and not allow themselves to be consumed by them.

This way, they won’t be caught up in how they feel, and they won’t be denying how they feel either. Thanks to this, their feelings won’t cause them to do something that they will later regret.

The Next Stage

After a while, assuming that they have taken a break from this area of their life, they might believe that they are ready to start dating again. But as they will know what to look for externally and what to be aware of internally, this will make sense.

And before long, they might meet someone who ticks a lot of their boxes, and they might feel fairly settled during this time, too. As the weeks and months pass, things could go in the right direction.

The Same Old Story

Nonetheless, after this, or before a few months have passed, they could see that they have ended up with someone who is just the same as the other people they have been with. If so, they can be angry and frustrated, and they can feel helpless and hopeless.

But, as they will have put a lot of effort into becoming aware of the signs that someone is not available and how they feel when they first meet them, among other things, this is to be expected. They will then have done the right things, and yet this area of their life won’t have changed.

What’s going on?

At this point, it might seem as though they have very little control when it comes to this area of their life. They might believe that this is just what men or women are like, or that they are just unlucky.

Yet, if they have become more aware and being aware is seen as a key part of what will allow them to change this or any other area of their life, this is to be expected. But what if being aware is not enough?

Two Levels

The reason it might not be enough is that they might not have access to all of their own consciousness, and what is held in part of their consciousness can define what takes place in this area of their life. In other words, there will be the conscious part of them, and then there will be a part of them that is unconscious.

When it comes to the latter, it will contain feelings and needs but although they won’t be able to connect to it, it will have an impact on who they are drawn to, who is drawn to them and how they feel, among other things. As to why there is a part of them that they don’t have access to, and they are unable to connect to what is held there, it is likely to be due to repression.

Going Deeper

Most likely, they lost touch with a big part of their consciousness during their formative years. This may have been a stage of their life when their mother and perhaps their father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Consequently, they would have missed out on the attunement, care, affection and support that they needed. Being ignored, rejected, smothered, and even abandoned would then have been the norm.

One Option

To handle being greatly deprived and deeply wounded, their brain would have repressed the pain that they were in and a number of their needs. This would have caused them to lose touch with their connected, embodied and fully feeling true self and create a disconnected, disembodied and not fully feeling false self.

Along with this, they would have come to believe that their needs and feelings were bad, that they were worthless and unlovable, and seen human closeness as something that would cause them to be annihilated. Furthermore, they would have lived in the hope that, by becoming who they wanted and behaving how they wanted, they would be loved.

Moving Forward

But, as their mother and their father were probably unable to love them, as they had also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during their formative years, it wouldn’t have mattered how much they struggled. Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life, but the part of themselves that they lost touch with will still be trying to receive their mother's and/or father's love.

This deeper, emotional part of them won’t have a sense of time and will be blind, which is why it can’t see that, as this stage of their life is over and another person is not their mother or father, it is too late. For them to no longer look for what they missed out on, to reconnect to all of their consciousness, and find someone who is available, they will need to gradually reconnect to their body, face and process the pain that they had to repress, and experience their unmet developmental needs.

This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk