Romance Scammers: Has Someone Formed A Fantasy Bond If They Are Talking To A Romance Scammer?

For a number of months, one may have been messaging someone online and speaking to them over the phone. Now, they might not have had a video call with them, but they might have seen numerous videos and pictures of them.

During this time, the other person might have expressed not only their appreciation but also their love for them. If so, they might have said something about them getting married and moving in together in the future.

Hooked

Assuming that this is the case, one may have also said about how much they like and even love the other person. As for them getting married and moving in together, this might be something that interests them, too.

If they were to share this area of their life with a trusted friend or family member, this friend or family member could be happy for them and look forward to meeting the man or woman. One might say that he or she will be coming to see them in a few weeks or months.


The Next Stage

This time could pass, though, but the man or woman might not show up. But even if they don’t show up, one could say that they just have a lot going on and that they will be here before long.

There is a chance that this man or woman has said that they are in a country that is not only far away but is also unsafe. Additionally, they may have asked for money to help them to get a passport, send luggage or to pay for a new phone, for instance.

A Strange Scenario

This may mean that they have sent this person hundreds, if not thousands, of pounds over the period of time that they have been speaking to them. But while they might have been suspicious in the beginning, they might now believe that this other person actually needed the money for whatever they said it was for.

The months can continue to pass, and even though they may continue to both speak to them a lot and send them money, they might not see them in real life. Each time that this person promises that they will be there, in their country, something can come up and thereby prevent them from arriving.

External Feedback

If they were to share what has been going on with a trusted friend or family member, they could be told that it doesn’t sound like they are speaking to a real person. Further, they can say that it sounds like they are being scammed; that’s if, of course, they say that they have been sending this person money.

But, even if they do say that, it doesn’t mean that it will have much of an effect on them or how they behave. And if they were to share what they have been told with the man or woman they are talking to, they could be told to ignore them.

Out of Touch

Due to how invested they are in this person, they could believe whatever they say, no matter how absurd it is. As far as they are concerned, they can be in a real relationship with the man or woman they are talking to.

Before they started talking to this person, they might have felt lonely, down and unloved. Yet, since this person has been in their life, they can feel connected, alive, and loved.

Ticking a lot of boxes

To people who can see clearly, it can be hard for them to understand why they are so invested in someone who they haven’t met in the real world, not to mention why they have sent them so much money. But even though they won’t have met them and may have sent them a lot of money, they will be meeting certain emotional needs.

Along with this, this person will be helping them to sustain a relationship that they have formed in their head. Naturally, as they won’t have seen them on a video call, let alone in person, it won’t be a relationship that has any basis in reality.

An Escape

The crumbs that this relationship provides will stop them from feeling emotionally malnourished. However, the time, energy and money that they invest in this relationship will be time, energy and money that they can’t invest in a real relationship.

But as unfulfilling as this relationship will be, they might not feel comfortable being in a real relationship. So, if they have been in at least one relationship in the real world, it might not have lacked intimacy.

A Pattern

Assuming that this is so, deep down, they can associate human closeness with something that will cause them to be harmed and annihilated. This is why, being in a relationship that only exists in their head feels comfortable.

This is not to say that they won’t complain to the man or woman about not having met them, but this is what their system will feel safe with. What this can illustrate is that their early years were a time when they were unable to securely attach to and bond with their mother and/or father.

A Replay

To handle what happened, their brain would have blocked out what was going on internally and externally. This would have involved them forming an idealised view of their mother and/or father, and for a number of their needs and feelings to be repressed.

As they were egocentric, they would have come to see themselves as worthless and unlovable, and their system would have also come to associate human closeness as something that was a threat to their survival. The foundations would then have been laid for them to feel comfortable with someone who was out of reach and to be very good at deceiving themselves into believing that an imaginary relationship is a real one.

Final Thoughts

Taking all this into account, as long as they have money to send, this imaginary relationship could last for a very long time. But when it does end, they might end up breaking down.

This is because there can not only be the pain of going through a breakup and all the money they have lost, but this can undermine their defences and unlock some of the pain that has been held inside them for decades. For them to move forward, external support is likely to be needed. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk