Self-Activation: Can Early Deprivation Stop Someone From Being Able To Activate Themselves?

Even though someone is an individual with their own needs and, thus, life to lead, it doesn’t mean that they will typically act like one. Instead, they can have the tendency to act as though they are an extension of others.

Thanks to this, it will be normal for them to go along with what other people are doing and to be a follower, not a leader. But, if this is just what is normal, they might not realise that they are acting like they don’t have their own self and have abandoned themselves.

Totally Dominated

What this is likely to show is that their true self is being outmuscled by their false self. The outcome of this is that the part of them that knows that they are living in the wrong way won’t be able to see the light of day.

However, there can be moments when they feel down and drained, with this being a sign that their true self is trying to reach them. Yet, even if they do have moments like this, they could do what they can to cover up how they feel.

The Point of No Return

A time could arrive, though, when their false self no longer has the same level of control. What could play a part in this is a loss of some kind, so the passing of a loved one, a breakup, or the loss of a job.

This can be a time when they are in a lot of pain and start to wonder why they are so focused on pleasing others. They could see that they rarely do what is right for them and overlook a number of their needs.

The next Phase

Nonetheless, they could find that as unfulfilling as it is for them to live in this way, living in this way feels comfortable. If they were to imagine that they live a life where they are connected to their own needs and do what they can do to meet them, they could end up feeling anxious and fearful.

If so, they will be living in the right way but it will be seen as a threat to their survival. Ergo, for them to exist, they will need to continue to turn their back on themselves.

A Strange Scenario

It could be said that there is no reason for them to feel this way and that what is going on for them is irrational. If they were to start acting like an individual and doing what was right for them, it is unlikely that their life would come to an end.

They might displease some people and they might even lose a friend or two, for instance, but their life would go on. And, if they did lose a friend or two, this would create the space for them to be around people who value them for who they are, not for the role they play.

Another Angle

But, while the feelings that arise when they imagine asserting themselves and doing what is right for them won’t make any sense, they might soon make sense if they explore their early years. This may have been a stage of their life that was anything but nurturing.

What they needed at this stage of their life was a mother and father who were able to attune to their needs and generally meet them. This would have allowed them to go from a dependent to an interdependent human being who had a strong sense of self.

An Emotional Desert

If this was a stage of their life that wasn’t very nurturing, it might have been because their mother and perhaps their father was emotionally unavailable and out of reach. As a result, it would have been normal for them to be neglected.

The emotional support that they needed to grow and develop in the right way wouldn’t have been provided, which would have caused them to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded. To handle being rejected and abandoned, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs.  

Another part of this

To keep this material at bay and minimise the chances of them being rejected and abandoned, they would have developed a disconnected and out-directed false self. This would have taken place automatically and unconsciously.

If they hadn’t adapted in this way and had stayed connected to their embodied, true self and continued to express themselves, they would have suffered even more. Being a non-entity who acted like an extension of others was their only option.

A New Reality

For them to reconnect to their body and freely express themselves, they are likely to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness
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If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk