Self-Awareness: Can Toxic Shame Stop Someone From Having Self-Awareness?

To be human means that one not only has the ability to think and to feel, they also have the ability observe their own thoughts and feelings. Therefore, it is possible for them to experience life on one hand and to observe life on the other.

When it comes to observing one’s outer experience, they are going to use their eyes, but when it comes to their inner experience, they will use their mind. In most cases, one is born with the ability to observe what is taking place in the outside world

This means that they won’t need to develop this ability; they only need to sit back and watch what is taking place. However, when it comes to observing what is taking place on the inside, this is something that one may have to develop.

Experiences

As one’s ability to observe what is taking place externally depends on their eyes, it will be important for their eyes to be in good condition. If their eyes were to be injured in any way, it might affect their ability to observe the external world.

Similarly, in order for one to observe their inner world, it will be important for their mind to function in a certain way. For example, if their mind was disconnected from their body or out of control, it is going to make it harder for them to observe their inner world.

Causes

So what happens in the physical world can affect one’s ability to see clearly without and what happens internally can affect one’s ability to see clearly within. Having said that, what happens internally can affect one’s ability to see clearly and what happens externally is also going to affect their ability to see clearly on the inside.

It is clear that one’s eyes allow them to see and if they don’t want to see something, this can end up having an impact on their ability to see. And if one is experiencing something that is painful, it can cause them to disconnect from their body in order to avoid the pain, and this is going to affect their ability to know what is taking place within them.

Inner Work

A gardener knows that a garden needs to be looked after or else it will end up being out of control. Through doing the work that needs to be done, it will be possible for them to not only see all areas of the garden; they will also be able to use all areas.

And in order for one to be able to be in touch with their inner world, they will also need to look after it. If pain starts to build-up and this pushes them out of their body, they are not going to be aware of what is taking place, and this means they won’t be able to use their inner world.

Why Bother?

One will avoid what is taking place within them because it feels better and as this is the case, they might wonder why they would want to get back in touch with themselves. When one is in their body and aware of what is taking place within them, it will make it easier for them to live the kind of life they want to live, for one thing.

This is because it will give them the chance to find out why they behave as they do, why they are attracted to certain people and why they see the world as they do, among other things. Without this awareness, it can be normal for them to look outside for the reasons why things happen and they might even feel like a victim.

Pain

Even though someone is in touch with themselves, it doesn’t mean they have always been this way. This may be a sign that they have worked through their pain and this then allowed them to experience self-awareness.

There are then going to be others who have experienced pain and haven’t faced what is within them. This could be because they have experienced something extremely traumatic and they haven’t felt safe enough to face how they feel.

Toxic Shame

When one experiences toxic shame, they can end up leaving their body and developing all kinds of defences in order to keep the pain at bay. What this shows is how painful toxic shame is, and this is something one can experience through being abused and/or neglected.

If one doesn’t disconnect form this experience, they can end up being overwhelmed by what is taking place within them, and this is going to cause them to feel less-than human, Whereas, if they disconnect from their shame, they are going to feel as though they are more-than human.

The Benefit

Although feeling more-than human will allow one to stop themselves from feeling low all the time, it will mean they have to disconnect from their feelings in the process. Feeling less-than human will mean that one is aware of how they feel, but it is also going to cause them to feel completely worthless.

One’s need to feel better is likely to take precedence and this means they are not going to think about whether this will cause them to lose touch with what is taking place within them. And if they experienced toxic shame in their early years, this might have been the only option they had.

Time Passes

When one disconnects from their toxic shame, it will also mean they are out of touch with their healthy shame, and this can then cause them to become shameless and to see everyone else as the problem. What happens in their life can then be seen as having nothing to do with them.

And unless they are willing to get in touch with what is going on within them, it is not going to be possible for them to see how their inner world is influencing their outer world. Their point of focus will be on what other people are doing and not on the part they are playing in what is taking place.

Awareness

If one can relate to this and wants to get back in touch with themselves, it will be important for them to heal the pain that is within them. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist, trusted friend and/or a support group. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/