Self-Destructive: Can Someone Engage In Self-Destructive Behaviour If They Were Abused As A Child?

If someone were to take a step back and reflect on their life, they may find that they have the tendency to behave in ways that don’t serve them. This can take place in both big and small ways.

So, they might have been in at least one relationship that was going well and then, they ended up doing something that gradually or instantly destroyed it. When it comes to the former, they might have treated their partner badly and not shown them the level of appreciation and respect that they deserved.

The Same Area

When it comes to the latter, they might have ended up cheating on their partner. After their partner found out, they might have soon broken up with them, making it clear that they didn’t want to talk to them again.

Alternatively, they might have been in at least one relationship where they were treated like dirt. But, instead of cutting their ties with them, they might have stayed with them for months, if not years.

Another Area

When it comes to what they do for a living, they could see that they have had moments when they were close to taking the next step, only for them to do something to stop themselves from moving forward. For example, they might have been late for a job interview or been disrespectful to their manager or a colleague.

Then again, they might have been given an opportunity that would allow them to move forward or even transform their life, only to turn it down. Over the years, they might have passed over so many chances to move forward.

Confusion

They might also be able to think of numerous other ways in which they have undermined themselves. At this point, they could wonder if there is something inherently wrong with them.

They might have had friends and family members who have said the same thing and criticised them. After thinking about this, they can feel very low and they might even think about calling it a day.

Looking Deeper

However, although they can believe that there is something inherently wrong with them, there is likely to be far more to it. What this can show is that, deep down, they don’t believe that they deserve to have their needs met and live a fulfilling life.

At this level, they can feel worthless and unlovable. This is then why, even if they are able to move forward, they will soon go back to where they were before.

What’s going on?

Still, if they were to see that they don’t feel worthy and deserving of having their needs met and living a fulfilling life, they could wonder why they are this way. What this may show is that their early years were not very nurturing.

But, as their conscious mind will have forgotten about most if not all of what took place, they won’t have been able to join the dots, so to speak. If it wasn’t for this, what is going on for them as an adult might have made sense.

Back In Time

Their brain won’t have blocked out what took place to harm them, though; it will have done this it protect them. Naturally, if their conscious mind was flooded with old memories and the pain that goes with them, it would be harder for them to keep it together and function.

Now, during their formative years, they might have had a parent or parents who deprived them of the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. They might have often been physically harmed, criticised, humiliated and neglected.

A Brutal Time

But, although how they were treated would have most likely been a reflection of how wounded one or both of their parents were, they wouldn’t have been able to accept this as they were egocentric. As a result, they would have come to believe that there was something wrong with them and were unlovable.

For them to handle this stage of their life, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs. This would have also meant that they lost touch with their connected and embodied, true self and developed a disconnected and disembodied, false self.

A Big Impact

Many, many years will have passed since that stage of their life, of course, but the meaning that their underdeveloped brain and egocentric self made will still be defining their life. Along with this, a big part of them will cause them to unconsciously co-create depriving situations in the hope of finally receiving their parent or parent's love.

This part of them won’t have a sense of time and will be blind, which is why it can’t accept that as this stage of their life is over and other people are not their parents it is too late for them to receive what they missed out on.

Drawing the Line

Taking all this into account, for them to be able to accept that they deserve to have their needs met and live a fulfilling life, they will have beliefs to question and pain to face and work through. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

---

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.
• Consultations.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk