Self-Destructive: Can Someone Sabotage Their Life If They Were Abused As A Child?

What someone may find is that just about whenever they take a step forward, they soon end up taking a step back. There can also be times when they end up taking more than one step back.

Thanks to this, they could be extremely frustrated and angry about not being able to move forward in life. They might believe that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them back.

One Area

If they were to think about an area of their life where they haven’t been able to make much progress, they could think about their job or career. Over the years, they might have worked exceptionally hard, only to have remained at the same level.

As a result, a number of their colleagues might have moved upwards or have gone to a different company. But, while this has happened, they will have stayed where they were or close to it.

Another Area

Along with this, they could think about how their last relationship was going well and then came to an end before long. So, their partner might have lost interest in them, moved away or cheated on them.

Merely thinking about what happened could fill them with anger and a sense of despair. What could make it even harder for them to come to terms with what happened in this relationship is that this might have happened more than once.

Self-Talk

Due to what their life is like and what has happened to them, they could see themselves as a failure. Consequently, it could be normal for them to criticise themselves and to feel helpless and hopeless.

But, as they will have played their part and not been able to make much progress, it is not going to be a surprise if they see themselves in this way. At this point, they could hope that their life changes before long and they get ‘lucky’.

Another Outlook

However, there is a strong chance that what is going on inside them has and is holding them back. Upon hearing this, they could say that this is not true as they want to move forward, or something similar.

What they will need to think about is that they have a conscious and an unconscious mind. Therefore, as they want one thing but keep getting something else, it is likely to show that their unconscious mind wants something else.

Inner Conflict

If this wasn’t the case, they probably would have been able to move forward. They are then not being held back by anything external, they are being held back by what is taking place inside their own consciousness.

But, as they are not aware of what it is that is holding them back, it will seem as though the external world has been and is holding them back. They could wonder what it is inside them that is holding them back.

Going Deeper

If they were to get out of their head and into their body and connect to how they feel, they may find that they feel worthless and unlovable. They are then not going to feel worthy and deserving of having what they desire.

What might enter their mind is that they have no reason to feel this way and that these feelings are irrational. Nonetheless, if they were able to remember some of the things that took place during their formative years, their outlook might change.

Back In Time

This might have been a stage of their life when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded. One or both of their parents might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach and been physically and/or verbally abusive.

If so, a number of their developmental needs would have seldom if ever been met, and, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place. Thus, not only would they have missed out on what they needed but they would have seen themselves as worthless and unlovable and blamed themselves for what happened.

Covered Up

The years would have passed and their conscious mind would have forgotten about what happened but the meaning that they made at this stage of their life will be defining what they can’t or can’t experience. For their life to change, then, they will need to change how they see themselves.

In addition to questioning the view that they have of themselves, they will have pain to face and work through. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk