Self-Knowledge: Can Someone End Up Being Addicted To 'Negative' Feelings If They Experienced Childhood Trauma?
If someone was asked if they would rather feel good or bad, they would probably choose the former. This would make complete sense as it is far better to feel good than it is to feel bad.
Nonetheless, although this is what they are likely to say, it doesn’t mean that this is what typically takes place. If they were to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may find that they spend a lot of time experiencing ‘negative’ feelings.
A Frustrating Existence
Thus, there are going to be the feelings that they want to experience and then there are going to be the feelings that they actually experience. To say that this will be annoying might be an understatement, as they could have moments when they feel totally hopeless.
Perhaps their life has been this way for a few months or a few years, or maybe it has been this way for as long as they can remember. Either way, they will be desperate for their life to change.
Considering that they are unable to consistently experience the feelings that they want to experience, they may even believe that they have no control when it comes to this area of their life. It could be as though someone or something ‘out there’ is defining how they feel.
Coming to this conclusion might put their mind at rest, but what it won’t do is allow them to change their life. The only thing that it will do is cause them to feel like a powerless victim.
So when it comes to the ‘negative’ feelings that they are used to experiencing, the feelings that have mentioned above may be experienced along with a number of others. Ergo, one can feel powerless and hopeless as a result of how they experience life and they can experience these feelings at other times.
In addition to these feelings, they could regularly feel ashamed, worthless, humiliated, useless, helpless, fearful, anxious and afraid. Taking all this into account, it will be normal for them to be all at sea emotionally.
Whenever they experience any of these feelings, something may have just happened/or be happening or they could feel a certain way for no apparent reason. If something has happened or is happening, they could see how they feel as just an effect of what is going on ‘out there’.
In this case, one will be nothing more than an observer; nothing more, nothing less. As they continually find themselves in situations like this, it could be said that they are incredibly unlucky.
What’s going on?
If this is so, there is going to be absolutely nothing that one can do to change their life. Their life is not going to be very fulfilling and it will stay this way for the rest of their time on this earth; that’s if it doesn’t get worse.
Fortunately, however, one is not just an observer of what is taking place; they are playing a part in what is going on. To understand what part they are playing, they will need to go deep inside themselves.
What one will need to think about is that there is what their conscious mind wants to experience and there is what their unconscious mind wants to experience. But while there are two parts, each part doesn’t have the same amount of control over their life - their unconscious mind has far more control.
Anyway, once they understand what their unconscious mind wants, they are likely to find that what is taking place in their life makes complete sense. It may even seem that this part of their being is there to undermine them, yet this is not the truth.
This part of their being is going to associate certain feelings as being familiar and what is familiar is what is classed as what is safe. What this means, then, is that the reason they have the tendency to experience certain ‘negative’ feelings is because these feelings are classed as what is safe.
Therefore, it is irrelevant that these feelings don’t make them feel good, as this part of their being simply wants to keep them alive. The trouble is that what this part of them associates as what is safe is not serving them.
This is why it is vital for them to not only look into what this part of them associates as safe but to also change what it has associated as what is safe. The question is: why would this part of them associate feeling worthless, or any other ‘negative’ feeling, as what is safe?
These associations were most likely created during their early years. This could show that their early years were anything but nurturing, with them being abused and/or neglected.
The Foundations Were Laid
The feelings that they routinely experience as an adult will have been experienced throughout this time in their life. What would have prevented them from seeing the connection would have been the defences that they developed over the years.
One would have lost touch with what happened but what took place will have continued to affect their life. Another way of looking at what is taking place would be to say that one will have created a life that allows them to re-experience how they felt as a child; something that psychologists would describe as repetition compulsion.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
With the assistance of someone like this, one can start to work through their inner wounds. This is a process, not something that will take place overnight, yet it will be what will enable them to transform their life.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.