Self-Ownership: Can Someone Believe That Other People Own Their Body If They Had Intrusive Parents?

If someone were to step back and reflect on their life, what they may see is that they don’t believe that they own their own body. It can be as though this part of them is owned by others.

They are then going to own their mind, but that will be as far as it will go. What they might also see is that although they have only recently become consciously aware of this, they have had this sense for a long time.

One Area

By being this way, they are likely to spend a lot of time doing things for their friends and family that they don’t want to do. So, they can have the tendency to say yes when they would rather say no and feel resentful after.

When this happens, it can be as if another part of them takes over, and they lose their own free will. It will then be as though they have been taken over by an external force and lose the ability to assert themselves.

Another Area

This can also mean that when they are at work, that is, if they work for a company, they can be used to being taken advantage of. They can often take on more work than they can handle and stay later than they are supposed to.

Once again, just as when they are around their friends and family, they will over extend themselves. They won’t speak up and assert themselves, which will cause them to be used.

One More

Further, over the years, they might have been in a number of relationships where they were not only used but were violated on a regular basis. They might then have often done things both physically and sexually that they didn’t want to do.

If this were the case, they are likely to have felt totally worthless and not been in a good way mentally or emotionally. Once these relationships came to an end, it is likely to have taken them a while to get back on their feet again.

Beaten Down

At the same time, as they are used to being walked over in their day-to-day life, even when a relationship like this has come to an end, they might not have experienced much of an inner shift. When it comes to their inner state, then, they can typically feel low and defeated.

But, as they will have been worn down over the years and won’t believe that their life will ever get much better, this is to be expected. Still, even though it can seem as if they don’t own themselves and other people have the right to use them, this is not the truth.

The Truth

In reality, they are the ones who own their body, and no one else has the right to their body, or their time or energy. As this is not something that they know, at the core of their being, it is likely to show that something is not right.

For them to gain a deeper understanding of why they are this way, they can use their imagination. What they can imagine is that they are asked to do something, or someone wants to do something to them and they stand up for themselves.

The Next Stage

At first, they can feel relieved and grateful, with them experiencing a sense of power. This is then going to be an inner experience that they have seldom, if ever, had over the years.

Yet, it might not be long until their inner state changes and they end up feeling anxious and fearful. Before long, they can have the need to go back to behaving in the same way.

What’s going on?

What might enter their mind is why they don’t feel safe standing up for themselves, and only feel safe when they are being used. They could believe that there is no reason for them to be this way.

However, if they were able to go back in time and observe what it was like for them during their formative years, they might gradually understand why they are this way. This may have been a time when their mother and perhaps their father saw them as their possession and as purely being there to serve their needs.

Way Back

If this is so, it wouldn’t have occurred to them that they were a separate being who had their own needs and feelings. As a result, their mother and/or father would have violated them in both big and small ways on a regular basis.

This may have involved them being constantly told what they can and can’t do, continually having their personal space invaded, and constantly having to do things for their mother and/or father. They might have also often been verbally put down and physically harmed.

Resistance Was Futile

In the beginning, they are likely to have stood up for themselves, but, as time passed, they are likely to have realised that this was both a waste of time and a threat to their survival. This is because when they did stand up for themselves, their mother and/or father might have threatened to hit or leave them.

There might have been moments when this did happen. Their only option was to gradually disconnect from their body, to lose touch with their needs and feelings in the process, and create a disconnected and outer-directed, false self.

Self-Protection

This wouldn’t have stopped them from being violated, of course, but it would have stopped them from being consciously aware of the pain that they were in and to keep it together and function. Their sense of self would have related to their mind, while their body would have been rejected and seen as being owned by others.

Now, this stage of their life will be well and truly over, but a big part of them will be frozen in time. To this part of them, it still won’t be safe for them to assert themselves and doing what other people want will be the only way for them to survive.

Moving Forward

Ultimately, how they were treated at this stage of their life was not a sign that they didn’t own their body and neither was it a reflection of their worth or lovability. It also didn’t mean that they had no right to stand up for themselves and do what is right for them.

Most likely, their mother and perhaps their father had also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during their formative years and simply couldn’t love them. For them to change their life, they are likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs the experience.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

---

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.
• Consultations.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk