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What a man may see, if were to step back and reflect on his life is that he is his own worst enemy. So, he could see that he often talks about doing things but seldom takes the next step.
Moreover, he could see that he is full of doubt and has the tendency to put up with bad behaviour. As a result of this, he could wonder why he is this way and why he doesn’t act like he matters or has any value. Looking back If he were to look back on his life, he could find that he has been this way for as long as he can remember. He could then see that he has friends who have moved forward, whilst he has more or less stood still. Over the years, a number of his friends might have encouraged him to take action and stand up for himself. But, even if they have, this might not have had much of an impact on him. Going Deeper If he were to go deeper inside himself, what he may find is that he doesn’t believe that he deserves to live a life that is worth living. He could then find that he believes that he is worthless and unlovable. Based on this, he deserves to live a miserable life and to be mistreated by others. The part of him that is on board with this is likely to be stronger than the part of him that isn’t. Inner Conflict The reason for this is that if this wasn’t the case, his behaviour would be different. If he were to share what is going on for him with a friend, he could end up being told that what he believes isn’t the truth. They could tell him that he deserves to live a good life and be treated well by others. But, as a big part of him won’t be on board with this, what he hears might have much of an impact on him. What’s going on? If his life has been this way for as long as he can remember, he could believe that he was just born this way. There is then going to be very little that he can do to change his life. Yet, irrespective of whether he has this view, there is a chance that what took place during his formative years played a big part in what is going on for him. This may have been a stage of his life that was anything but nurturing. Back in Time During this stage of his life, both his mother and father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Additionally, this may have been a time when he was mistreated by one or both of them. The outcome of this is that he would have been neglected, verbally put down and perhaps physically harmed. This would have meant that he was greatly deprived and deeply wounded. The Other Side Most likely, his mother and perhaps his father were deeply wounded due to how they were treated during their formative years. Consequently, they wouldn’t have been able to provide him with the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. Therefore, he was not neglected and mistreated because there was something inherently wrong with him and he was worthless and unlovable. But, as he was egocentric, he wouldn’t have been able to accept this. Taken To Heart Instead, he would have believed that there was something inherently wrong with him and that he was worthless and unlovable. Also, as his own parent or parents couldn’t love him, it is to be expected that he would have believed that he was bad and no good. His view of himself will then have been defined by people who could love him because of their own issues. What this illustrates is that as convincing as his view of himself is, it has no basis in reality. Another Element Along with what he came to believe about himself during this time, there will be the pain and developmental needs that he repressed. This would have been a way for him to handle what happened. His experience wouldn’t have changed but it would have stopped him from being consciously aware of how deprived he was or the pain that he was in. He could then put up with what was going on without falling apart. Drawing the Line Taking this into account, for his life to change and for him to be his own best friend, he will have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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