Sense Of Safety: Can Early Deprivation Stop Someone From Developing A Sense Of Safety?

​What someone may see, if they were to take a step back and reflect on their life, is that they have the need to please others. Thus, when they are around others, it will be normal for them to be who they want them to be.

Or, perhaps to be more precise, who they think they want them to be. Due to this, they are rarely if ever going to freely express themselves around others.

The outcome

Not only will this mean that their true self will seldom see the light of day but that most of the people in their life are not going to know who they really are. This will stop them from being able to feel connected to others.

The people in their life might not be able to feel connected to them, either; it can all depend on the connection that these people have with themselves. As, if they are also don’t show up around others, it won’t be possible for them to connect to others.

Another Part

Along with this, they might also spend a fair amount of time by themselves. During this time, they can find that they are able to be themselves and don’t feel the need to be a certain way.

If this is the case, it’s not going to be a surprise if they spend a fair amount of time by themselves. The downside to this is that they can have the tendency to feel lonely.

What’s going on?

After thinking about how they behave, regardless of if they spend a fair amount of time by themselves, they can wonder why they are this way. At this point, they can be sick and tired of not being able to freely express themselves.

They could come to the conclusion that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them back. However, if this is what they believe, it doesn’t mean that it is actually the case.

Going Deeper

One way for them to find out what they are this way is for them to imagine that they are around a friend or a few friends and are freely expressing themselves. At first, they can feel powerful and alive.

Yet, as time passes, they can end up feeling anxious and fearful. Based on this, not hiding themselves will be seen as something that is a threat to their survival.

Looking Back

If they were to think about how long they have been this way, they could find that they have been this way for a very long time. What might then enter their mind is that they were just born this way.

If they were to think about their early years, though, they may see that this was a time when they rarely if ever felt safe and secure. A stage of their life that should have allowed them to develop a felt sense of safety and security would have caused them to develop a felt sense of unsafely and insecurity.

Back In Time

What this may show is that throughout this stage of their life, they were often verbally and physically abused and neglected. Additionally, one or both of their parents might have been emotionally unstable and there may have often argued.

The support and care that they needed to freely express themselves wouldn’t have been provided, which would have caused them to be caught up in their need to survive. They would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

One Focus

To handle what was going on, their brain would have repressed the pain they were in and a number of their developmental needs. This would have involved them going from an embodied human being to a disembodied human being.

The connection that they had to their connected true self would have been replaced by a disconnected false self. This self would have been out-directed and focused on pleasing their parents.

A Natural Outcome

Their childhood will be well and truly over but as they won’t have developed a felt sense of safety and security at this stage of their life, they will still need to please others to be able to feel safe. If they had received what they needed during this stage of their life, they wouldn’t be in this dependent state.

Until this changes they won’t be able to act as a separate human being; they will continue to act as an extension of others. Fortunately, their life doesn’t have to stay this way forever.

Moving Forward

For them to change their life, they are likely to have pain to face and work through and survival responses to process. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk