Therapy: Is Therapy A Waste Of Time?

For some people, therapy is seen as something that is essential when it comes to dealing with mental and emotional issues. For others, it is seen as a waste of time and money.

When it comes to the former, it is not uncommon for a woman to have this view and when it comes to the latter, it is not uncommon for a man to have this view. This may show that if a woman has inner challenges she is more likely to have therapy than a man.

One Outlook

If this is the case, it could be said that the reason for this is that a woman is more likely to be both connected to and express how she feels. A man, on the other hand, is more likely to be out of touch with how he feels and thus less likely to express how he feels.

Additionally, it has been said that, in general, women like to talk about how they feel; this is not something that generally interests men. What is said to typically interest men is finding out how a problem can be solved and doing something about it.

Two Routes

Based on this, if a woman is not in a good way internally, there is a strong chance that she will work with a therapist. But, if a man is not in a good way, he is more likely to go down a different path.

He could, for example, end up joining a gym and do what he can to achieve his goals. If he does do this, he can soon find that he feels better, which might cause him to believe that taking action, not ‘talking about feelings’ is the key.

One Way

If therapy primarily relates to talking about feelings and paying a lot of money to do it, it is not going to be a surprise that a lot of people, not just men, see it as a waste of time and money. If someone goes to the gym, for instance, they are likely to feel better, and taking action will actually allow them to change their circumstances.

However, what if this is not the only thing that can happen during a therapy session? Also, what if simply going to the gym and working on different goals will cause someone to avoid themselves?

The First Part

When it comes to the first point, someone is likely to talk about what is going on for them internally when they have therapy. But, it can also be a time when they can be connecting to and working through emotional wounds and processing old survival responses.  

Ultimately, there is not one type of therapy and, more importantly, not all therapists have the same approach. Some therapists can solely focus on changing thoughts and beliefs.

One Reason

They might not even mention that there is a deeper level, let alone choose not to explore it. This can be due to the fact that they are disconnected from their body and are unknowingly doing what they can to avoid going deeper within themselves.

In this case, without realising it, the approach that they have will be a way for them to avoid their own pain. Anyway, if someone is only talking about their feelings and changing what is taking place in their mind, this might patch them up and allow them to function better but it is unlikely to allow them to become more integrated and embodied.

Transference

Nonetheless, as they will be spending time with someone who is present, listens to what they have to say and cares, this alone is likely to have a big impact on their wellbeing. The reason for this is that not only will they be meeting certain adult needs, but, another, deeper part of them can believe that they are receiving the love that they missed out on as a child.

Assuming that they were deprived during their formative years, this part of them has no sense of time and is blind, so it will see the therapist as their mother and/or father. But, as it is too late for them to meet these unmet, developmental needs, the impact that the therapist has on them won’t last.

The Second part

Therefore, if what is going on is not acknowledged and explored, and the pain that they experienced as a child is not faced and worked through and their unmet developmental needs are not expressed, they can become emotionally dependent on the therapist. They will then be an adult but they will be like a child who is emotionally dependent on their parent.

Now, when it comes to the second point, exercising is a key part of having good mental, emotional and physical health. At the same time, one reason why it allows someone to feel better and more settled is because pain-killing neurotransmitters are released, which means that painful inner will be temporarily removed from their conscious awareness.

Avoidance

Therefore, exercise is a great way to allow someone to avoid their emotional wounds and release tension. They can then feel angry, helpless, hopeless, powerless, and/or sad, for instance, and, by exercising, these feelings can be repressed and the tension that their repressed pain created will be released.

But, although these feelings will have only been removed from their conscious awareness, it will seem as though they have disappeared. And, focusing on and working toward a goal can allow them to avoid themselves, as well as allow them to receive positive feedback from others that will also aid in repression.

Living on the Surface

If, then, they were to exercise less or were unable to exercise; this pain is likely to soon enter their conscious awareness. Furthermore, there can come a point in time when they can no longer run away from themselves, due to how much pain they are carrying.

But, without even arriving at that stage, by not facing their pain and working through it, they won’t have access to all of their consciousness. Instead, they will be living upstairs, be outer-directed, and be unknowingly driven by needs that are outside of their couscous awareness.

Final Thoughts

What this illustrates is that this is not something that is black and white. If there was just one type of therapy and all therapists were the same, there would only be one way of looking at therapy.

And, if someone is in a deeply traumatised state, it is highly unlikely that they will be able to exercise their trauma away. Along with this, if they have issues around intimacy, it is unlikely that they will be able to exercise these away.

Lastly, what can play a part in why someone would see therapy as a waste of time and money and have endless reasons why this is the truth is that they can unknowingly be doing what they can to avoid themselves. At a conscious level, they won’t be aware of this but their brain will be doing what it can to prevent their repressed inner material from entering their conscious awareness so that they can keep it together and function.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk