True Self: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Hide Their True Self?

If someone were to take a step back and reflect on how they behave, what might soon enter their mind is that they have the inclination to play a role when they are around others. So, this could mean that they typically come across as easy-going and do what they can to please others.

As a result of this, they are seldom if ever going to be themselves when they are around others. What this means is that a number of their needs and feelings are going to be hidden and they won’t freely express themselves.

A Strange Scenario

What they could find is that they don’t consciously choose to be this way; this is just something that happens automatically. If so, it could be as if they have no control over what takes place.

They might even believe that someone or something ‘out there’ is causing them to behave in this way. But, as this just happens, it could be said that it won’t be a surprise if they have this outlook.

What’s going on?

For them to gain a deeper understanding of why they rarely if ever show up around others, it will be a good idea for them to use their imagination. What this can do is allow them gradually to connect to what is going on for them at a deeper level.

The first step will be for them to imagine that they are around a friend or a few friends and, instead of playing a role, are freely expressing themselves. At first, they could feel free, alive and powerful.

The Next Part

After a while, though, they could end up feeling anxious and fearful. The outcome of this is that they are likely to need to go back to playing a role and hiding themselves.

Assuming that this was to take place, they could wonder why being themselves causes them to feel so uncomfortable. What might enter their mind is that being themselves should be what feels comfortable.

One Conclusion

Before long, they could believe that what is going on for them is irrational and there is then no need for them to behave in this way. And, in the here and now, how they are behaving won’t make any sense.

However, if they were to explore their early years, what they might soon find is that as confusing as their behaviour is, it makes sense given what took place at this stage of their life. This may have been a stage of their life that was anything but nurturing.

Back In Time

What they needed at this stage was at least one caregiver who was emotionally available, as this would have allowed them to receive the attunement and care that they needed. This would have played a big part in what would have allowed them to grow and develop in the right way.

But, although this is what they needed, their parent or parents might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. This would have deprived them of the attunement and love that they needed.

A Brutal Time

Thanks to how out of reach they were, they probably would have felt invisible and alone when they were around them. Along with this, there may have been moments when they were abandoned and ended up being isolated.

Being treated in this way would have deprived them and caused them to be deeply wounded. To handle what was going on and keep it together and function, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs.

Another Element

Losing touch with what was going on inside them would have also meant that they lost touch with their embodied true self. In the place of their embodied true self would have been a disembodied false self.

And, as they were egocentric, they would have believed that they were treated in this way because they were inherently worthless and unlovable, which would have played a part in why they developed a false self. Focusing on their parent or parent’s needs and being who they wanted them to be would have been seen as a way for them to be loved by them and not be left.

It’s over

Many years will have passed since this stage of their life but a big part of them won’t have moved on. To this part of them, freely expressing themselves will be seen as something that will cause them to be left and for their life to end.

What this shows is that this part of them has no sense of time and is blind. If this wasn’t the case, it would realise that this stage of their life is over and other adults are not all-powerful parental figures who are in control of their survival.

Moving Forward

A big part of what will allow them to mature and integrate the parts of their consciousness that are frozen in time will be for them to face and work through their repressed pain and experience their unmet developmental needs. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk