If someone was to reflect on their own behaviour, they may see that they generally act in an authentic manner. Therefore, irrespective of whether they are with their friends or are around people they don’t know very well, they won’t put on an act.
What this is going to show is that one will typically show up in life, which means that the people in their life will know who they are. Consequently, the people in their life are going to be there because they actually like who one is.
Through revealing who they really are to the people in their life, their relationships are likely to be far more fulfilling than they would be otherwise. There will be no need for them to hide certain parts of themselves.
So when they are around others, they will probably find that they are able to relax and to just be. Naturally, if they didn’t feel comfortable in their own skin, it would be a lot harder for them to do this.
One may have experienced life in this way for a few years or this could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember. Yet, no matter how long this has been going on for, there are likely to be at least two reasons as to why their life is this way.
Firstly, there is going to be the view that they have of themselves, and secondly, there is going to be how they feel in their body. When it comes to how they see themselves, one is likely to see themselves as someone who is valuable, and, when it comes to how they feel in their body, one is likely to feel safe.
The Two Keys
By having these two components in place, they will be able to express who they are in the world. It won’t be that they are more valuable than others; it will be that they are just as valuable as anyone else.
And as they also feel safe enough to express who they are, who they are will see the light of day. If this second component wasn’t in place, it would be a lot harder for them to reveal who they are to others.
Thus, if one was to end up in a relationship where it wasn’t possible for them to reveal themselves, they would know that they don’t deserve to experience life in this way. This wouldn’t feel safe either, which is why they would be able to cut their ties and to move on.
Listening to themselves is going to be their priority, not listening to others and neglecting themselves in the process. It could be said that this is what ‘self-love is all about’ - treating oneself with respect.
A Different Reality
For some people, the scenario above will be something that they can relate to; for others, it won’t be. When someone is unable to relate to the above, they are going to be used to hiding who they are.
It probably won’t matter if they are with their friends or around strangers as they will still put on an act. The people who they spend most of their time with are then not going to know who they really are.
These people might not experience life differently, however, as they could also put on an act. If this is so, one will be hiding behind a mask and the people they spend time will also be hiding behind a mask, which will stop them from being able to deeply connect to each other.
When one is around another person their body will be there, but the rest of them won’t be there. Their true feelings and needs will end up being hidden, causing them to neglect themselves.
An Empty Existence
Behaving in this way may allow them to receive a fair amount of approval but it won’t do much else. Due to this, there can be moments in their life when they feel angry, frustrated and down.
If they are able to make the connection, they might look into what they can do to change their life. If not, they could just look for a way to disconnect from the pain that is inside them.
The trouble with this approach is that it will stop them from being able to make the changes that they need to make to create a life that is worth living. If they were to look into why they hide who they are, they might find that they do this to avoid being rejected.
What this could show is that they believe that there is something inherently wrong with who they are, with this being the reason why they would be rejected if they revealed their true-self to others. Hiding who they are is going to be seen as the only way for them to avoid being cast aside and for their time on this earth to come to an end.
A Closer Look
Now, it could be said that being rejected is part of life and that, even if someone was to reject who they are, it is unlikely that they would die. Still, thanks to what is taking place inside them, it is not possible for them to accept this.
Intellectually, one might be able to accept this, but at an emotional level, this is not going to sink in. To this part of them, hiding who they are is going to be something that they have to do to survive.
Back In Time
What this may illustrate is that their early years were a time when their caregiver/s generally ignored their needs and feelings. From day one, one would have had to put on an act in order to survive.
This would have set them up to believe that was something inherently wrong with their true-self. Not only this, revealing who they were would have increased their chances of being rejected and even abandoned.
At this stage of their life, being left would have felt as though their life was going to come to an end. They wouldn’t have been able to handle their emotions and there wouldn’t have been anyone there to sooth them.
One is no longer going to be a child but the beliefs that they formed and the trauma that they experienced during this time will have remained inside them. The reason for this is that time alone won’t heal what took place.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external assistance. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.