If someone was to go back about twenty years and to ask a number of women what they would feel lost without, they would probably say that they would feel lost without their handbag. The same question could then be out put towards a number of men, and they would probably say they would feel lost without their wallets.
Fast forward to today and they may find that people from both genders would feel lost without their Smartphone’s. And one of primary reasons for this could be because this device allows them to use social media. Both Options This is not to say that women no longer want a handbag or that men no longer want a wallet; what it can mean is that these are not the only things that matter. There is also the chance that the only thing one wants to carry around with then is their Smartphone. They no longer need to carry money either, and this is because they can pay for things by using an app instead. As a result of this, and everything else that one can do, it’s not hard to see why one would need to carry anything else around with them. Staying Connected One can use their device to stay connected to their ‘friends’, and this means that it is easier than ever before for them stay up to date with what they are doing. Or more to the point, what their ‘friends’ say they are doing. Therefore, just as one can present a certain image in the real world, they can also represent a certain image on social media. In fact, it could be said that it is a lot easier for one to do this online that it is in real life. No limits For one thing, one can take as long as they like to share something, or to reply to a message on social media. But when it comes to the real world, they don’t have as much time, and this means it is not easy for them to control how they come across. Also, through the use of social media, one can share carefully edited pictures to create a certain impression. It might not matter whether these pictures match up with what they look like or what they have actually been doing; what can matter is coming across in the right way. The Priority This can then set one up to believe that it is more important to please others than it is to please themselves. Their needs can then be overlooked in order to take care of other people’s needs. On one hand, this can allow them to feel good for a short-time, but on the other hand, it could cause them to disconnect from themselves. And the more they try to please others, the harder it can be for them to accept themselves. The Disconnection All the time they are getting the ‘right’ responses from others, they might be fine; but as soon as something changes, they could come crashing down. However, if they valued themselves and didn’t need the approval of others to feel good about themselves, this wouldn’t happen. This is why it will be important for one to pay attention to why they are sharing something on social media, and if they are able to share it without thinking about how other people will reposed, it will be a lot better for their well-being. Yet if they are unable to do this, they might need to take a step back and to find another way to change how they feel. Missing Out And if one doesn’t use social media for a short period of time, they may feel as though they are missing out. This can then cause them to experience anxiety, and it might not matter if they haven’t used it for a few minutes, let alone a few hours. Going online can then allow them to regulate how they feel, and unless one is able to find another way to change how they feel, they could end up being addicted to social media. And like any addict that doesn’t get their fix within a certain period of time; one can experience withdrawal symptoms if they are unable to get online. Focus It is then going to be challenge for one to stay present and to focus on that is taking place in their life. The only time that it is possible for them to focus could be when they are using social media. Now, if they are using it every now and then to stay in connect with people they know or for another important reason, it is unlikely to be a problem. But if one is using it on a consistent basis to check up people them don’t even know, for instance, it could start to have a negative effect on their life. Part of Life It wouldn’t be accurate to say that social media has caused people to fear that they are missing out though, and this is because this fear was around before it was even invented. However, what social media has done is given one to chance to find out more about what people are doing than ever before. And because one can know more than ever before about what other people are supposedly doing, it is to be expected that this will cause them to experience life differently. Not only is one going to compare their life with people who present their life accurately; they are also going to compare their life with people who don’t. Conclusion Through comparing oneself with others, it can cause one to experience jealousy, envy and even depression, among other things. And no matter how often one uses social media; they are still going to miss out. Instead of one getting caught up in what they are missing out on, they could place their attention on what truly matters. Through doing this, it will allow them use their attention in ways that will enhance their life.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
0 Comments
When it comes to developing self-awareness, it could be said that it is not possible for this to happen directly. But this is not to say that one has to do something that is completely unrelated.
For example, if one entered a room that had a certain smell, it might only be a matter of time before they get used to the smell. Therefore, unless they leave the room, it is going to be harder for them to know what the room smells like. Normal This is because the smell would have become normal overtime, and this means that it is not going to have the same impact. Similarly, if one has experienced life in a certain way for a while, they are soon going to get used to it. As a result of this, it might no longer stand out, and this can then cause one to experience problems. A certain area of their life might not be going as they would like it to go, but it can be a complete mystery as to why this is. A New Perspective So just like one would need to leave a room to gain a better understanding of what it smelt like; it will be important for one to do something different in order to change their perspective. However, although leaving one room and going into another will be enough for them to become aware of the smell, the same approach is unlikely work in this case. If one as to go into another room or into another environment, for instance, there is a strong chance that they will end up experiencing life in the same way. One could have another experience that ends up supporting the outlook that they already have. Openness Having said that, this can all depend on how open one is, and if they are able to detach from what is taking place externally and internally. If they can do this, it will be easier for them to see what is happening. But without this ability, the whole experience could just cause one to react, and they could end up experiencing even more pain. The main thing is that one has the desire to increase their self-awareness. Pain If they were to blame other people when it comes to why things are happening in their life, or to feel like a victim, it might be easier in the short-term. Yet in the long-term, this is going to be something that will cause them to suffer unnecessarily. The pain that one will experience through facing themselves will pale in comparison to the pain they will experience if they avoid themselves. It will be the difference between a life of short-term pain, long-term gain and a life of short-term gain, long-term pain. Books One way for one to increase their self-awareness will be to read books that cover the area that they are struggling with. For instance, if one always attracts a certain type of people into their life and they cause them problems, it will be important for them to read up on relationships. It is often said that one’s childhood plays a big part in the kind of people they are attracted to, and as a result this; one might also need to read up about this area too. Through doing this, one will gradually be able to change their perspective and to detach from what is taking place within them. Stepping Back When something is pointed out and one has the chance to see it for the first time, they can take a step back. Their self-awareness has increased and they no longer need to experience their life in the same way. Before this took place, one wouldn’t have been aware of it, and this is why it had such a strong effect on their life. And once one is aware of one thing, their will soon be something else for them to be aware of. A Process While one might want to be aware of everything, this is not going to be possible. They will only be able to be aware of so much at any given moment; but providing they keep going, their self-awareness is likely to increase. Once one is aware of something, the next step will be for them to do something about what they are aware of. On one hand, this may mean that they will have to change their behaviour, and on the other hand, this may be a sign that they have some kind of emotional work to do. People Through increasing their self-awareness, they can have a new perspective as to why someone would enter their life. This is not to say that they will want to be around people who irritate them; but instead of seeing them as the problem, they can ask themselves why they are in their life. While this could relate to someone who they want to avoid, it could also relate to someone they enjoying being around. In this case, it is not going to be something that is black and white. Positive Thinking However, if one has been reading up on positive thinking, they may have come to believe that they need to stay away from people who have a ‘negative’ effect on their life. Being around people who press their bottoms, so to speak, is going to be seen as something they need to avoid. Now, this is not to say that one should go and find themselves an abusive relationship in order to increase their self-awareness. What it comes down to is if one has ‘negative’ reaction around someone, they can use it to their advantage. ‘Kill the Messenger’ If one was to remove everyone from their life who caused them to feel uncomfortable, it would be the same thing as ‘killing the messenger’. As a result of this, they can end up trying to avoid anyone who will play a part in them coming into contact with the parts of themselves that they are out of touch with. Another approach would be for one to look into why someone would come into their life, or why someone in their life would have a ‘negative’ effect on them. From here, the other person can be seen as someone who has a part to play in their personal evolution. Awareness One can be reactive and avoid someone who is ‘negative’, or they can ask themselves why the other person is having this effect on them. Once they have become aware of what is taking place within them and worked through it, their life may soon change. They may find that they no longer have the same experience, and if they do, it might not have the same effect on them. The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While a relationship can last a lifetime, there is also chance it will only last for short amount of time. It could also be said that there is a greater chance of one staying friends with someone for a lifetime than there is of them being in an intimate relationship with someone for the same amount of time.
However, even though this can be the case, it is not always going to be this way, and this shows that no matter what kind of relationship one has with someone, it doesn’t mean it will last. For instance, one could have a close relationship with a family member, and as time passes, it could also come to an end. Tension This could be because they have done something that was extremely harmful, or it may be a sign that one has to keep their distance to maintain their own well-being. But even though they have chosen to walk away from them, it could be one of the hardest decisions they have had to make. Some of the people in their life might also find it hard to understand why they would do such a thing, and they might try to get them to change their mind. Yet, if they have been in the same position or understand what they have gone through, it is gong to be easier for them to understand why they have made this decision. Self-Care What this comes down to is that it is going to be important for one to take care of themselves, and not to get caught up in what others think. If they were to focus on pleasing other people, it is only going to cause them more pain in the long run. This shows that while it takes very little effort to judge, it takes far more effort to understand. The main things is that one listens to themselves, and through doing this, there is going to be less chance them ignoring their own needs in order to fulfil the needs of others. A Short Period of Time If one was to look back on their life, they may remember someone who was around for a short period of time. This could be someone who they classed as a friend, or it may relate to a lover they once had. And when they think about why the relationship came to an end, they might remember that it was because the other person had to move away. Or it may come down to the fact that one was going through a transitional period and no longer felt the need to remain in contact with the other person. Endless Reasons Ultimately, there are endless reasons as to why a relationship would only last for a short period of time; this is not to say that it is always easy for one to accept it when this happens. During these moments, they may try to hold on, and this could make it harder for them to handle what is happening. If they had the ability to look into the future, they may have been able to see that they needed to let go in order to go to the next stage of their life. But if they were caught up in their feelings, it would have been a challenge for them to realise this. A Longer Period of Time One could then look at their life now and see that there are a number of people who have been in their life for a long period of time. These can not only include people they are close to, it can also include people they see on the odd occasion. As time passes, there is still going to be the chance that some of these relationships will come to an end, but then again, they might not. The connection they have with them could change, but they could remain in their life until the very end. The End When a relationship comes to an end and one believes that it has ended too soon, they may want to change what has happened. It is then not going to be possible for them to let go; they are going to want to rekindle the relationship. This could relate to someone who was a friend, or it could be someone they were in an intimate relationship with. On one hand, they may want it to continue, but on the other hand, they may wonder if it is possible. An Analogy If one’s car stopped working, there is a strong chance that they will want to know if it can be repaired. After it is towed to a garage, it should only be a matter of time before they find out if they will be able to drive it again. They may find out that it is something to do with the engine, but not the engine itself; in this case, it might be possible for them to drive it again. However, there is also the chance that the engine has gone, and this could mean that they will never drive the car again. What’s the Connection? It could be said that the kind of condition one’s relationship was in before it came to an end will play a part in whether it can be rekindled. If the relationship had been gradually fading, it is going to be a lot harder to revive it. Also, if one did something harmful and destroyed the other persons trust, it is going to be a lot harder for them to be part of their life again. Therefore, how the relationship ended can play a big part in whether it is completely over. Alternatively But if the relationship came to an end over a minor disagreement or the other person moved away, for instance, it could be a lot easier. For one thing, there could still be something for them to build on. As a result of this, the other person may still view them in positive way, and this is because nothing ‘bad’ has happened. Reaching out to the other person could cause them to experience the positive associations that were developed during the relationship, and one could be able to rekindle the relationship. Awareness When a relationship has come to an end over time or because something ‘bad’ took place, the other person might not view them in a positive way. And unless their perception changes, it is unlikely that one will be able to rekindle the relationship. It will be important for one to look into why they want to rekindle the relationship, and if they believe that they are doing it for the right reason, then they will have to see what happens. There are no guarantees here, and this is because one can only do so much; the other person has to be open to the idea.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When one experiences loss, it might be possible for them to carry on with the rest of their life; however, there is also the chance that they won’t be able to do this. In this case, it is could be quiet some time before they are able to do what they used to do before.
What this comes down to is that each loss that one experiences is not going to affect them in the same way. Also, what effects one person is not necessarily going to affect another, and if it does, it might not affect them in the same way. An Individual Experience This shows that there is what happens on one side, and then there is how one responds to what happens on the other. One person might breakup with their partner and end up falling into a deep depression; while another might feel down for a weeks and then be on their way. One way of looking at this would be to say that one person was closer to their partner than the other, and this is why their experiences are different. Another way of looking at it would be to say that one person is carrying pain from the past, and this is why they feel the way they do. A Combination of Factors The reason one person experiences more pain than the other could be because of both of these reasons, and there could also be other factors involved. It could also be a sign that one person can handle their emotions and the other cant. And because they can handle them, it is then going to be possible for them to work through them. They are then not always going to be overwhelmed by how they feel, and they won’t always have the need repress how they feel either. Emotional Intelligence This is then going to mean that they are emotionally intelligent, and this is going to make it easier for them to handle loss. For one thing, when one can’t tolerate painful feelings, they are likely to have an emotional build-up within them. Each loss that they experience can then build on top of the other, and they are going to be carrying a lot of pain. What takes place externally is then going to trigger what is trapped within them, and this is why it can be harder for them to handle loss. Overwhelmed This shows how different one’s life can be when they haven’t got the ability to tolerate painful emotions. If one can do this, they might not be able to relate to someone who can’t, and they could wonder why someone is unable to experience emotional control. However, when this is how one experiences life, it might be how they have always been. In this case, they are not going to know what it is like to experience emotional control; the only thing they know is being controlled by how they feel. Loss This is not to say that having the ability to handle painful emotions mean that one will always be able to carry on in with their life after they have experienced loss. They can still have moments where the grief is so strong that it can be a challenge for them to handle life for a while. When one experiences life in this way, it could because a relationship has come to an end, or it could be the result of losing a loved one. It could also be something that one experiences through losing a pet, among other things. Change However, as long as one goes through the grieving process when someone has passed on, they should be able to find meaning once again. This doesn’t mean they will return to how they were before, as the whole experience is likely to change them. Through working through how they feel, they might end up having a new outlook on life, and their priorities may also change, for instance. When this happens, they will be able to embrace life once again. A Process One way for one to let go of the grief that is within them will be to cry it out, and while there will be times when they feel better, there will also be times when they feel worse. This is because the mourning process is not linear; there will be ups and downs. Therefore, it could go on for not only a matter of months, it could last for a number of years. This is why external support is so important, as it will give one the strength they need to stay on track and to realise that life is worth living again. Stuck Yet, even though this is a process, one could find that it is something that doesn’t end. They can feel as though they are stuck in their grief, and no matter what they do, they are unable to function. And if they were to take the time to reflect on why this is, they may find out that they hold on because they don’t want to betray the person who has passed on. If they were to live their life again, it would cause them to feel guilty. Loyalty As a result of this, the only way for them to remain loyal will be to suffer, and this is why they have to hold onto their grief. Intellectually, they might wonder what is going on; but at an emotional level, this could be what feels right. One option might be for one to take some kind of antidepressants to change how they feel; whilst another option would be to take a deeper look into what is taking place. If they were to do this, they may find that something else is holding them back, and that is doesn’t just relate to what is taking place within them. Awareness In this case, it can be a sign that one is holding onto the pain out of love, and this means that they may need to have a family constellation. Through doing this, it may allow them to let go of their entanglement to the person that has passed. This doesn’t mean they will have to forget the other person; what it means is that one will have the freedom they need to live their life. One can experience this in workshop or they can have a one-to-one session.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
In today’s world, it could be said that one’s appearance is more important than it is has ever been, and this is a party the result of social media. One can feel the need to maintain a certain look not only in public, but also online.
In the past, one may have gone under the knife in order to create a different impression around the people they saw in thteir day-to-day life; nowadays, this is something that they can do to create the ‘right’ impression on social media. Through doing this, one is likely to believe that their ‘friends’ will give them a certain type of feedback. No Time to Rest One can then feel the need to maintain a certain image at all times, and it is going to be a challenge for them to just be themselves. They may also find that they need to maintain this image around the people they are closest to, and this could be a sign that they don’t feel comfortable expressing who they really true. In this case, they are not going to wear a mask from time to time; they will always wear one. On one hand, this may allow them to fit in, but on the other hand, it is going to make it hard for them to feel connected to the people in their life. Intimacy When one feels connected to soemone, it is likely to come down to the fact that they are sharing themselves. While this is not to say that they will share everything; what it does mean is that they won’t be hiding everything. How they present themselves will match up with who they are, and this will then allow them to feel connected to another person. If one was to put on an act, it is not going to be possible for them to experience intimacy. The Need to Be Perfect It could be said that the need to maintain a certain image at all comes is the result of the need to look perfect. However, as human beings are imperfect, it is not going to be possible for them to be perfect. And the need to be perfect can arise when one feels as though they are deeply flawed; this outlook that can be a sign that one is carrying toxic shame. Through carrying toxic shame, one can end up going to the other extreme, and it is then going to be normal for them to want to be perfect. Another Reason Yet, even if one doesn’t have the need to be perfect, they can still have the need to look after their appearance. For instance, when one looks after how they look, it can be a sign that they value themselves. And not only this, they are likely to have a greater chance of getting what they want in life. This is because one’s appearance has an effect on how other people respond to them, and this shows why one’s appearance is important. From Birth There are some people who are born with a physical appearance that makes their life a lot easier, and while this doesn’t mean that they always get what they want, it does increase their chances of getting what they want. They can end up being treated as though they are more important than others. This is also something that one could experience after their early years, and this can be because their appearance has improved with age. Or it could be something that takes place after one has lost weight, for instance. Both Genders And although this is something that will benefit both genders, it could be said that it is something that will have a greater impact on women. For example, men are more visual than women, and this means that it is more important for a women to be attractive than it is for a man. This is not to say that women are not interested in how a man looks; what it comes down to is that they are generally more concerned with how they feel in their presence. Therefore, there is greater pressure on women to look a certain way than there is for men. An Example It could also be said that attractive women benefit from the fact that there are plenty of men in positions of power. The men in these positions can often end up employing the women who have the ‘right’ appearance. This doesn’t mean they will always overlook their qualifications and their previous experience; but it can give them the upper hand over the women who have the same qualifications and experience, but who are not as physically attractive. On one hand, this shows that life is not always fair, and on the other hand, it shows that human beings are often drawn to people who are physically attractive. All Areas However, if gender is put to one side, it is clear to see that one’s physical appearance can have an effect on every area of their life. So not only can it have an impact on how well they do in their career; it can also influence their love life. It can also be the difference between one being acknowledged or ignored by others in a social environment. But like most things in life, being physically attractive has its down sides too. Approval When one is physically attractive, it is going to be relatively easy for them to receive positive feedback from others. Therefore, if they are out of touch with themselves, they might not have the need to get in touch with their true-self. For instance, when one is out of touch with their true-self and they are experiencing pain, this pain can be the driving force that causes them to find their true-self. But if it is easy for one to receive positive feedback from others because of what they look like, they might not have the same need to face what is taking place within them On The Surface Instead, they can continue to live on the surface of themselves, and allow the feedback from others to regulate how they feel. This feedback could be so forthcoming that one’s true feelings are soon pushed out of their awareness. In this case, the idea they have of themselves might not have anything to do with who they are; it could be a reflection of the ideas other people have of them. However, even though receiving positive feedback from others will give them an ego boost, it is unlikely to allow them to experience true fulfilment. Awareness The true-self is something that can be covered up by emotional pain, and this can be the result of what has taken place during one’s adult years and what occurred during their childhood. One’s true feelings and needs can then be covered up, and their life can then be a reflection of their false-self. When it comes to working through this emotional pain, one might need the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group. This emotional pain can be made up of unmet childhood needs and loss, and one way to let go of this pain is to cry it out.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When someone has gone through a difficult time in their life, it is often said that it was their will to survive that pushed them through. Part of them was not willing to give in, and this is what allowed them to keep going.
Therefore, it could be said that this is a force that is not only vital when it comes to one’s ability to survive; it is also a vital part of their ability to thrive. On one hand then, it could be seen as what will allow one to go through bad patch and come out the other side, and on the other hand, it could be seen as what will allow one to achieve what they want to achieve. Focus When one is able to use willpower to keep going, no matter what is taking place, it doesn’t mean that they won’t experience inner conflict. Part of them may want to give in, or to take another route, for instance. However, even though this is the case, it is not going to stop them from doing what they are doing. They are likely to have a clear focus and this is what will keep them on track. Emotions What this is likely to show is that they are not controlled by their emotions, and that their mind is in charge. If this wasn’t the case, they would always end up being overwhelmed by their emotions and they wouldn’t be able to keep going. They may pay attention to how they feel and to use the information that they provide, but that could be as far as it goes. Another way of looking this would be to say that they respond to their emotions like a loving parent would respond to their child. Regulation This can then show that they have the ability to regulate their whole system, and this is going to play a big part in their ability to be so resourceful. There will be times when they will need to sooth different parts of themselves, and through doing this; it will be a lot easier for them to maintain their focus. What this comes down to is that the fact that human beings are made up of many different parts. There is not just their adult self; there is also their child self and their parents that live within them, for instance. A Dialogue A family can only be happy when each member of the family is heard, and once this takes place, they will be able to settle down. Similarly, if one wants to make sure their inner conflict doesn’t sabotage their life; they will need to listen to each part of themselves. The child part is often described as the ‘inner child’, and this part can have the need to experience instant gratification. Therefore, in order for one to keep going, they will need to delay gratification. Patience This is because it is not going to be possible for one to achieve what they want to achieve straightway. During these moments, they will need to tolerate frustration; if they were unable to do this, they wouldn’t be able to keep going. When it comes to achieving something significant, one will need to be patient and to stay focused on what matters. This is something that is going to take a lot of inner-strength. Support This doesn’t mean that one will do everything by themselves, as they are likely to be times when they will need the support of others. Human beings are interdependent, and this means they are not their own island. Being around people who are supportive will regulate their system and give them the encouragement they need to keep going. When one reaches out for support, it doesn’t mean they are weak; it simply means that they are comfortable enough to reach out for the support that they need. Time If one has the ability to keep going, it could be said that it will only be a matter of time before they get what they want. For one thing, they are not sitting back and expecting things to ‘just happen’; they are taking life by the horns, so to speak. Based on this, there should be no reason why one won’t get what the wont. If they don’t, then perhaps they just need to keep going, and soon enough, their life will change. Out of Balance However, while it is clear that willpower has an important part to play when it comes to one getting what they want; it is not the only part. On one side, one has the ability to do, and on the other side, they have the ability to be. This comes down to the fact that one is a human being and not a human doing, and this means that there are times when one needs to let go and to take their foot of the gas, so to speak. It is easy to get the impression that one is taking action and working towards their goals, or they are sitting around doing nothing and not moving forward. Detachment Yet, just because one is not going anything, it doesn’t mean they are not moving forward, and this comes down to the fact that using force is not the only way for one to achieve something. Also, the more one wants something and the more energy they put into getting it, the harder it can be for them to attain it. The universe will mirror where they are coming from, and this means that while one will need to keep going, they will also need to be able to let go. Through being able to let go as opposed to being completely focused on what they want, they will allow themselves to work with life and not against it, and this can then allow their life to flow. Out of Touch And even though one is completely focused on attaining something, it doesn’t mean that they have taken the time to look into why they want to attain it. As a result of this, it can then cause them go against their true needs, and it can then make it even harder for them to achieve what they want to achieve. If they are unable to achieve something, they can end up believing that they need to keep going, and while this could be the case, it could be a sign that they need to take a step back and to reflect on what matters to them. This can then allow them to get in touch with their real needs and it can stop them from burning themselves out in the process, and through being in touch with themselves, their life could end up being easier. Awareness In this sense, it would be inaccurate to say that willpower is the only thing that one needs to have in order to get what they want. It has a key part to play, but it is also going to be important for one to be able to take a step back. While the masculine approach of taking action has been emphasised in the west, the feminine approach of letting go is often overlooked. Each side is important, and this means that one is going to make their life a lot harder if they can only operate from one side of the spectrum.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
Someone could enter a store and not receive eye contact from anyone who works there, and it might not bother them. The same thing could take place when they go and pay for what they have come to buy, and once again, this might not faze them.
This could be because they are in a rush and want to get what they need without wasting time. Or it might come down to the fact that they know what it’s like in the store, and this means that they have come to accept what it’s like. Expectations On one hand then, it could be because they don’t expect anything else, and this can then mean that they are not going to be affected by how people respond to them. There is then no point in them getting annoyed about something that they have no control over. But on the other hand, this could be a sign that someone doesn’t expect people to acknowledge them. It then might not matter where they go as their expectations are going to be the same, and they are not going to expect to receive good customer service. The Only Option However, there is also the chance that it is the only store that has what they need; it could then be something that someone has to put up with. They expect more, but it is not possible for them to go anywhere else. Therefore, if they were to find another store that sells the same things, they wouldn’t use the same store again. At this point in time, it could be sad that it is possible for the store to get away with bad customer service; but if another store opened, they would need to change. Competition This is a scenario that could be seen as the exception as opposed to the rule, and this is because there are usually a number of places that sell the same thing or offer the same service. As a result of this, is will be important for a business to offer good customer service. If they don’t, there is going to be a strong chance that their customers will simply go somewhere else; there will be no second chance. And once someone person has had a bad experience, it might not end there. Word Of Mouth This person can then share their experience with the people they know, and this could stop them from going to the same place. It won’t matter if they haven’t actually been there themselves, and this is because human beings generally value the views of the people they know. The experiences other people have can then take precedence, and it won’t matter whether someone has been to the same place. Yet, even if a business has good customer service, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to please everyone. The Commitment When a business is committed to offering good customer service, it will have a positive effect on their customers. For one thing, these customers are likely to talk about their experience with the people they know. If they need to experience the same service, there is a strong chance that they will go back to them. In this case, someone might put up with bad customer service once, but they are unlikely to put up with it for a second time. Eye Contact One of the most important parts of good customer service is eye contact, even though this might seem obvious, it is something that is often overlooked. A costumer might hear all the right things, for instance, but they might not receive eye contact. On one side, there is the eye contact that can be given as soon as a customer opens the door, so to speak, and then there is the eye contact that they can receive whilst they are talking to someone who represents the business. The First Stage When someone is given eye contact at the first stage, they can feel acknowledged, and they can then feel as though they are important. As a result of this, the second stage can end up being a lot easier. Whereas if someone isn’t acknowledged, they might not take the next step; however, it is not always going to be possible for this stage to take place. And this is because it could be the type of business where they speak to people straight away. The Second Stage After the first stage has taken place, and providing this is something that can take place, it will be important for the customer to be given eye contact. Through this, they will be acknowledged, and this can allow them to feel important and respected, among other things. When someone feels this way, they are more likely to want to take things further. If this doesn’t take place; someone can feel as though they are not important, and it can be seen as a sign of disrespect. The Outcomes In this case, it could be the end of the interaction, and someone might decide to go somewhere else. When this doesn’t take place, it could be just the beginning, and they could end up being a lifelong customer. This is not to say that eye contact is the only thing that matters; what it empathises is how important it is. Having said that, there are some parts of the world were eye contact is not seen in a positive light, and in these countries, the customer service is likely to be different. A Few Seconds This is something that can last for a few seconds each time, and when someone is not looking at a customer, they can look to the side of their head, for instance. Through doing this, they can maintain the connection that they have developed. Whereas if they were to look away from them, it could create the impression that they are not interested in what the other person has to say. Also, if they were to maintain aye contact and not break it from time to time, it could come across as though they are staring.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When one has a problem with their car, they are likely to take it to a garage. If they don’t do this, it could be because it is something that is easy to fix or it could be a sign that they have a deeper understanding of how cars work and are able to fix it themselves.
Either way, they are going to do what they need to do to put things right, and before long, they might soon be able to carry on with the rest of their life. One reason why this whole process shouldn’t take too long is that one is unlikely to experience shame. Reaching Out Therefore, when one has a problem with their car they don’t need to feel bad; they just need to get the right assistance. If one has been driving carelessly, for instance, they might experience shame, but this is more likely to be the exception as opposed to the rule. And when one can reach out for support when they need it, their life is going to be a lot easier. For one thing, they won’t need to try and do everything by themselves, and this means they are embracing their interdependence. A Different Experience However, while it can be relatively easy to reach out for support when one has a problem with their car, the same cant always be said when they have an inner challenge. In this case, it can be normal for them to suffer in silence, and to pretend that everything is fine. This is not to say that progress hasn’t been made when it comes to talking about mental and emotional problems; what it comes down to is that this is still an area that is often overlooked in today’s world. When one has an inner challenge, they can cover up how they feel, and this can be because of how they think other people would respond if they were to find out. Shame Having a mental and emotional problem can be something that causes one to experience shame, and it is then going to be a challenge for them to reach out. Instead of getting the support they need, they can end up being drawn to things that will cause them even more pain. One could be in a position where the people around them are not even aware of what they are going through. As a result of this, one can be around others and still feel as though they are completely cut-off. Relief Through one’s need to experience relief from the pain they are experiencing, they could end up being drawn to alcohol, drugs, sex, work and/or food. Through using these options (and many others), they might end up being completely disconnected from what is taking place within them. This could then cause them to believe that there is nothing wrong with them. If other people were to see what they are doing, they might not realise that they are trying to avoid themselves, and this is partly because these kinds of escapes are so widespread. Normal What they are doing can then be seen as normal, and the people around them might not to think anything if it. Also, if they are behaving in the same way, it might not even stand out. They are then going to be in the same position, and this means they are not going to be able to support them. If they do, it could be a sign that they are in denial, and that they are trying to rescue others as opposed to rescuing themselves. Alternatively There is also the chance that one won’t suffer in silence or avoid how they feel, and that they will reach out for support. In the beginning, they might browse the internet and then go onto read a few books. But then again, they might look for a therapist and/or some kind of support group first, and once they have done this, they might start to do their own research. The most important thing is that they are taking action, and this will allow them to gradually find the support that they need. Emotional problems When one has emotional problems, it can cause them to have mental problems too, and this is because these two aspects are not separate. A common approach is to work on the mind and to ignore the emotional body. This means that the mind is seen as the most important area, and everything else is then a consequence of what is taking place in the mind. At times, this can be the case, but there are other times when it is not the case. Examples If one is suffering from depression, they might be encouraged to change their thinking and their behaviour. However, if the reason they are depressed is because of what is taking place in their body, and not their mind, they will need to try another approach. One could also feel powerless, and once again, they might hear that they need to change what is taking place in their head. This might work for a short time, but as time passes, they might end up feeling the same. Working through the Pain By working with a therapist who gives them the support they need to get in touch with their emotional pain, they can start to let go of how they feel. This could be a time where they work through their unmet childhood needs and/or through unprocessed grief, for instance. One way to let go of the pain with be to cry it out, and as this takes place, they might start to feel better. Their mind could settle down and their behaviour may also change as this happens. Doing the Right Things However, one could find that their life doesn’t change even though they have been working through their emotional pain. This could cause them to believe that they need to keep going, or they might be told to look at why they would hold themselves back. This is something that is often described a ‘secondary gain’, and it usually relates to something that is just outside of one’s awareness. If one takes the time to get in touch with why they are holding themselves back, they may find that they need to remain loyal to their family. Loyalty As a result of this, it won’t matter what they do or how long they do it for. If they were to move forward in life, it would cause them to feel as though they are betraying the people who gave them life. In this case, it won’t be enough for them to work on themselves; they will need to use another approach. If they were to try and do this by through working on themselves or through trying another ‘technique’, they could end up wasting their time, energy, and money. Awareness In order to let go of their need to be loyal, they will need to work with someone who can release the entanglements they have to their family. This is something that can take place through using family constellations. One can take part in a workshop or they can have a one-to-one session. As they do this, they might find that the pain they are experiencing relates to something one of their family members was unable to process, and this means it has nothing to do with them.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one was asked to think about a time in their life where they have been hurt by someone, there is a strong chance that it won’t be long until someone comes to mind. And while this might cause them to think about a certain event; they might think about a number of things that took place.
The Type of Relationship The person who enters their mind could be a member of their family, an old friend, or someone they used to be in an intimate relationship with, for instance. It might also be someone who wasn’t part of their life, and when this happens, it might be easier for them to handle what took place. One reason for this is that when someone is part of one’s life, they might not expect them to hurt them. Whereas when it comes to a ‘stranger’, they might not have the same expectation. Time However, as one often spends more time with people they know than the people they don’t know, it could be said that there is more chance of them having a number of different experiences with them. Nevertheless, this is not to say that one should put up with people who hurt them. It also comes down to the fact that one is likely to open themselves up to the people they are close to, and the more one shares with someone, the more vulnerable they are. Through letting them in closer, it gives them chance to cause them more pain. In The Past But while one may think about something that took place quite some time ago, they might also think about something that has only just happened. On one side, it could be said that this is nothing to be concerned about, and on the other, it could be a sign that one is in a relationships that is not healthy. It can all depend on what has taken place, and this shows that this is not black and white. For instance, just because someone feels hurt, it doesn’t mean that the other has done anything to hurt them. Interpretation On one hand, there is what happens, and on the other hand, there is how one interprets what happens. This is not to say that everything comes down to interpretation though. For example, if one is hit by their partner, it is going to be clear that no interpretation is needed. The same could be said when a child is neglected or abused in some way. Inner Response When one feels hurt because of how they have interpreted something, it could be a sign that something within them has been triggered. As a result of this, it is not going to be possible for them to stay present. Overtime, they might be able to settle down and to realise what has taken place, but then again, this might not happen. In this case, it could cause the whole dynamic of their relationship to change, or it might soon come to an end. For Example If one has a fear of being abandoned and their partner is late or cancels a day out, it could cause them to experience extreme pain. How they feel will define their experience of life, and they can come to believe that their partner wanted to harm them. In reality, it could be that something came up and it wasn’t possible for them to be on time or to make it. However, as one can’t think clearly, it won’t matter what the other person’s intention was. A Regular Occurrence When one is in a relationship where they are hurt on a regular basis and this doesn’t relate to their interpretations, they might wonder why this is happening. The other person may also tell them that they love them, and this is going to make it even more confusing. Or if one is bullied when they go to work, school or college, for instance, it is going to have a big impact on their life. One environment can then end up destroying their well-being, and they might think about what they have done to deserve this kind of treatment. Impersonal When one is hurt by someone, it is going to be easy for them to come to the conclusion that it is personal. For instance, if one is hurt by someone they are close to, it is to be expected that they will believe that the other person wanted to cause them harm. However, even though this can appear to be the case, it would be more accurate to say that it is never personal. Human beings often see themselves as the centre of the universe, and as a result of this, it can cause them to take everything to heart. Personal Reality Everyone on this planet is having their own personal experience, and this means that although it can appear as though we see with our eyes, this is not the complete truth. It would be more accurate to say that we see with our mind, and therefore, a big part of what we experience is the result of our own projections. So when one hurts another, it can be because the other person reminds them of something they are not willing to face within themselves. But due to a lack or boundaries and the inability to own their own reality, they can believe that the other person is the problem. The Victim And the reason one can come into contact with someone like this, can be because they are also out of touch with their own pain. For example, if one feels worthless and as though they don’t deserve to be treated well, there is a strong chance that they will gravitate to people who mirror how they feel. Therefore, they can feel like a victim and allow this to become their identity, or they can work through their own pain. And as they begin to realise their own value, they are no longer going to be drawn to the same people. Awareness So whether one is hurt by someone in their life or a ‘stranger’, it is never personal; it is simply a reflection of where the other person is at. If one has a tendency to interpret other people’s behaviour in the wrong way or to attract people who hurt them in a similar way, it might be important for them to reach out for support. Once they work through what is taking place within them, they may find that they no longer interpret things in the same way or attract the same types of people. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
For some people, positive thinking will be seen as something that can be used from time to time, and then for others, it will be seen as something that will need to be used all the time. It is then similar to someone who puts salt on everything they eat and someone who only puts it on certain meals.
A Time and A Place This shows that one person can believe that there is a time and a place for positive thinking, and it could then be said that they are going to be more in balance. For one thing, they won’t need to filter out everything that could be classed as ‘negative’. It will then be possible for them to embrace how they feel, and this means they can work with themselves. If they were to see all that is ‘negative’ as something that they need to avoid, they could end up working against themselves. Feedback If they were to experience something negative, they are more likely to see it as feedback. They can then acknowledge what is taking place and this will stop them from experiencing resistance. Whereas if they were unable to do this, they are more likely to experience resistance, and when one resists something, it is more likely to persist. The act of facing something can then be the very thing that takes its power away. Detachment What this will also show is that they are not going to get caught up in negativity; they are simply going to pay attention to it and then do what is necessary. They may even believe that it is more important to have a positive outlook than it is to think positive. As a result of this, they will have greater flexibility, and they will be able to operate as whole human being. They may realise that there will be times when it will be important for them to embrace ‘negativity’, and through doing this, their time on this earth will be even richer. Loss For instance, if one experienced some kind of loss, there is the chance that they will go with how they feel. During this time, they are likely to experience painful feelings and thoughts, and they may realise the importance of crying out the pain that is within them. One has no other choice than to embrace the ‘negativity’ within them; if they were to avoid what was taking place, it would set them up to have problems further down the line. In this case, one is facing what is taking place within them, and this will allow them to embrace life once again. True-Self This is also likely to mean that they will be in touch with their true-self, or at least open to doing the work they need to do to find it. It could be said that one is in touch with their true-self when are aware of their real feeling and needs, for instance. When one needs to be positive all the time, it is not going to be possible for them to be aware of their real feelings. This is partly because one’s real feelings are not always going to be ‘positive’. Disconnected If one is disconnected from their true-self but they are willing to face how they feel, it will enable them to gradually find their true-self. They will realise that working through emotional pain is not something they can avoid; it is something they need to do to let go of their false-self. This emotional pain can relate to their unmet childhood needs, and it can be easy for one to get caught up in these needs. When this happens, their unmet childhood can end up defining their entire life. Needs The kind of life they want to experience can then be the result of their unmet childhood needs, and this means that even if they were to experience life in this way, it is unlikely to be fulfilling. There is also the chance that one already realises this because they have been able to meet some of these needs and they still feel unfulfilled. One way for them to let go of this emotional pain will be to cry it out, and this is something that is unlikely to happen overnight. But as one doesn’t feel the need to be positive all the time, it will allow them to go through this process and to find their true-self. Positive Thinking However, if one doesn’t allow themselves to experience ‘negativity’, there is the chance that they will be living on the surface of themselves. They are not going to allow themselves to experience their true feelings; if they were to do this, they might end up feeling guilty, or believe that something ‘bad’ will happen. Emotional pain can then be seen as something they need to avoid, and they might even believe that their feelings are caused by their thoughts. As a result of this, it will be important for them to take control of their thoughts. Two Ways However, while one’s thoughts can define how they feel, their feelings can also be triggered by their thoughts. Therefore, having ‘positive’ thoughts is not necessary going to change how one feels. It could just end up causing one to repress how they feel and this is not going to allow them to connect with their true-self. In this sense, the true-self is not something that one creates in their mind; it is something they find by connecting to their body. Awareness If one is in a position where they are out of touch with their true-self and they find it hard to be ‘negative’, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for support. Through working with a therapist and/or a support group, one will be provided with the assistance they need to work through their emotional pain. This is unlikely to be something that happens overnight, and this is why it will be important for one to be patient and persistent.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|