Although someone has emotions, it doesn’t mean that they will listen to them; they can then act as if they don’t even exist. When this happens, they are likely to be in a position where they ignore what is taking place in their body.
On The Surface Their point of awareness can then end up being in head and this is going to mean that they will be living on the surface of themselves. However, even though one can live in this way, it doesn’t mean that it is not going to have a negative effect on their life. Through living in this way, they are going to overlook the information that their emotions provide. Therefore, the guidance that is within them is going to end up being overlooked. Another Source As a result of this, it can then be normal for them to look towards others when it comes to what they should be doing in each moment of their life and in life in general. In this sense, the guidance that they are missing from within them ends up being provided from without. They can then do what other people want them do and this could be how they have been for quite some time. This is not to say that other people will realise what is taking place though. A Model Human Being In the eyes of others, they could end up being seen as a model human being and this could come down to the fact that they are only too happy to be there for others. If other people want their help, they could soon be on their way. Along with this, they could also come across as ‘easy going’ and this is likely to mean that other people will find it easy to be around them. Based on how other people respond to then, they could come to believe that they are doing the right thing. The other Side Yet even though they come across in this way, it doesn’t mean they are going to feel at peace when they spend time by themselves. During this time, they could end up feeling down or even depressed. This could then cause them to wonder why they feel the way they do; especially as other people approve of them. As well as this, they could also have moments where they end up being consumed with anger and even rage. The Reason When one has this inner experience, it could cause them to think about how their life is not how they would like it to be or how they are don’t speak up, for instance. They could think about how other people walk over them and that is not possible for them to live their truth, among other things. It can then be normal for them to feel as though they are victims and that there is nothing they do about what is taking place. The people they come into contact with can then be seen as people who are there to oppress them. Life Experience Through living life in this way, it is safe to say that their experience on this planet is unlikely to be very fulfilling. The life they live is not going to be a reflection of their true-self; it is going to be a reflection of who other people want them to be. This is going to mean that their life is going to be radically different to someone who is in touch with their emotions. Now, this is not to say that their life will always go how they want it to go; what it means is that they won’t feel as though they have no control. Guidance They are going to be in a position where they will be able to embrace how they feel and to decide how their feelings will influence their life. As a result of this, it will be a lot easier for them to fulfil their needs. This is not to say that they won’t pay attention to others; what it means is that they won’t overlook what is going on within them. Through doing this, they will be able to fulfil other people needs without having to ignore their own. Speaking Up What this shows is that they will feel comfortable enough to speak up and to express their truth. On one hand, this might mean that they experience their desired outcome, and on the other hand, it might not. Yet even if the later takes place, they will still continue to speak up and to stand their ground; what they won’t do is it takes it as a sign that their needs are not important. They could see it as part of life as opposed to something negative. Down Time Through being able to listen and to express how they feel, they are going to be less likely to experience anger and rage. As a result of this, they are not going to be accustomed to feeling down or depressed, for instance. However, even though they experience life differently, they were not simply born this way. What this is likely to show is that their caregivers responded to their emotions when they were growing up and this then set them up to do the same thing. The Opposite Therefore, if one ignores their emotions an as adult, there is a strong chance that their caregivers did the same thing when they were growing up. If one expressed how they were feeling, they may have been harmed, abandoned and/or verbally abused, for instance. Through living in this kind of environment, it wouldn’t have been safe for them to pay attention to what was taking place within them. In order to survive, they would have had to focus on their caregivers needs and to disconnect from their own. Awareness Their feelings and needs would have been something to be ashamed of and as a result, their emotional development would have been stunted. And the emotional pain that they experience during these early years would have stayed trapped in their body. So if one has the need to get back in touch with their body and to listen to how they feel, it will be important for them to process the pain that is within them. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist, and through being in their presence; one can also receive the positive regard that they need in order to grow and develop.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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If one was to ask someone if they had heard of ‘star wars’, there is a strong chance that they will say yes. Now, this could be because they watch a lot of films, but at the same time, this might not be the case.
What this comes down to is how popular this franchise is and as a result of this, it is not going to matter how old someone is either. These films bring people together and this can then allow them to put their differences to one side for a short time. The Test of Time There are some films that are soon forgotten about as time passes, but the same can’t be said when it comes to these films. In fact, it could be said that they have become more popular as the years have gone by. What has played a part in this is that the original films were re-released in the late nineties and soon after, a further three films were released. This then meant that there were six films for people to watch and by the end of 2019; they will be able to watch all nine films. Merchandise It might be inaccurate to say that star wars is as big as it is due to the films alone though and this is because there has also been another element. This element is provided by all the things that one can buy and although this was limited to things like actions figures when the first films came out, this is no longer the case. Nowadays, it is no longer necessary for one to buy toys in order to feel connected; there are so many other things they can buy instead. On one hand, they could buy something for their computer and on the other hand, they could even buy chop sticks. Another Film When most films come out, there are going to be people who are interested in going to the cinema or waiting until they can watch it at home. However, although they are interested, it is unlikely to consume their whole life. So part of their attention will be directed towards the film, but the rest of it will be on other areas of their life. Yet when it comes to a star wars film, their attention can end up being completely consumed by their need to watch it. Way Before Not only can this take place once the film has been released, it can take place a long time before. While there may be people who will be prepared to wait until it can be watched in the comfort of their own home, the majority of people will want to see it at the cinema. It is then not as if they are just going to see another film; they are going to watch something that adds so much more to their life. Therefore, once they have left the cinema, they are unlikely to simply carry on with the rest of their life. A Baby One way of looking at this would be to say the whole experience is similar to the experience two people can have when they are having a baby together. Even before the baby is born, their attention is going to be consumed by their baby. And once the baby is born, they are not going to carry on with the rest of their life; their attention will continue to be consumed by their baby. What this comes down to is that their child is a part of their life and not simply a phase of their life. The Complete Experience One way of looking at this would be to say that star wars provides one with an experience that they can immerse themselves in. Metaphorically speaking, it is then not as if their hands are in water; their whole body is in water. Ultimately, it is going to have a positive effect on their well-being and this can be seen as a good thing. This could be one of the few things in their life that makes them feel this way and this means they are going to be only too happy to get caught up in the star wars experience. Escapism Through one being able to immerse themselves in this experience, it can allow them to put their own life to one side. They can then forget about what is taking place in their life for a short time and experience life differently. As a result of this, their life will take on a whole new meaning and it is likely to provide them with a sense of relief. They could be going through a challenging time in their life or they might have a lot going on at work, for instance. Neutral In this sense, star wars is going to take away some of the pressure they are experiencing and this could make it easier for them to handle their life. Yet at the same time, it could also be a way for them to avoid facing what they need to face. What can define the effect it has on them is how caught up one allows themselves to become and when they allow this to happen. The need to escape is not negative per se, as this is something that is necessary from time to time. Harder To See One thing that can make it harder for one to realise that they are avoiding their own life is because of how popular star wars is. There are likely to plenty of other people who are in the same position and this can then mean that this is something that will go unnoticed. Conclusion Clearly this is not the only thing that can have this effect, as there are plenty of others things that will have the same impact. One example is when a member of the royal family gets married or has a baby. It could be said that what this demonstrates is the importance of self-awareness and through being aware, one will be able to know when they need to step back from something. As a result, they can then place their focus on the area of their life that needs their attention.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one was to read a description about what it means to have a healthy relationship, they are unlikely to come across the importance of one person controlling the other. If they were to come across the word ‘control’, they may hear about the importance of self-control.
This is because there are likely to be times in a relationship when one will have the desire to do something that is not in their best interests. In this case, they will need to keep a close eye on what is taking place within them and to delay gratification. As Time Passes They may find that as time passes, it will be possible for them to fulfil a need that they had to put to one side at another point in time. However, at the same time, this could relate to a need that they won’t be able to fulfil. It could be said that that will define whether one can fulfil a need will all depend on what the need is. For example, part of them may feel the need to buy something, but if they were to go one step further it could end up having a negative effect on their relationship. Saving Up This could be a time in their relationship where they are saving up for a holiday, or they might even be looking to buy a new house, for instance. Therefore, it will be important for them to only buy what they need to buy. On one hand, this is going to cause them to experience frustration, but on the other hand, it will allow them to achieve what they want to achieve. As a result of this, no matter how much pain they have to experience in the short-term through delaying gratification, it will be worth it in the long-term. The Experience On one side then, there will be what this will allow them to achieve, and on the other side, there will be the effect this has on their relationship. Through behaving in this way, one will show how committed they are and this is likely to have a positive effect on their relationship. Whereas if they were unable to stop themselves from buying things they don’t need, it is going to be a lot harder for them to save money. The other person could end up questioning their commitment and this is bound to have a negative effect on the relationship. Impulsive They could end up being described as ‘impulsive’ and this could also cause their partner to wonder if they can trust them. Yet even though one can come across as though they don’t care, this doesn’t mean this is actually the case. It could simply come down to the fact that they find it hard to contain their inner experience and it is then going to be normal for them to lose self-control. It will then be important for them to develop self-control. The End If they were unable to do this, their relationship could gradually begin to deteriorate, but while this may allow them to reflect on what has happened; this might not take place. In this case, they might need to go through a similar experience before they begin to change. In order to develop this ability, it will take patience and persistence, but through doing this, their life is likely to be far more fulfilling. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist. Controlling Others However, if one is in a position where they control the people they end up with, it could be said that they also have trouble when it comes to experiencing self-control. Yet even though this is going to mean that their behaviour is going to have a negative effect on their relationships, it doesn’t mean they will realise this. While this could be because they are unaware of the effect their behaviour has on others; it could also be a sign that the people they end up with tolerate their behaviour. They are then going to put up with how one behaves and if they don’t, one could end up ignoring the feedback that they receive. The Outsider If someone else was to observe their relationship, they could say that one person comes across as though they are in control, and the other person acts as though they have no control. They may notice that there are times when the person who has no control looks as though they are not too happy, but they could also notice moments when they are. This could cause them to wonder how someone could feel happy in this kind of relationship, and this shows how people feel comfortable with different things. For example, if one was controlled during their younger years, they can end up gravitating towards people who are the same. Familiar And unless they look into what took place and begin to work through the pain, they are going to be attracted to what is familiar. It might not even have occurred to them that life can be different. A big part of this might be for them to realise that they can survive without being controlled. During their younger years, their needs are likely to have been ignored and they would have had to fulfil their caregiver’s needs instead. The Other Experience When one always ends up with people they can control, it can be a sign that they feel powerless at a deeper level. Therefore, although they can come across as strong, this is going to be nothing more than an illusion. It could then be said that the reason they need to control others is because they have a fear of being controlled. So through being with someone they can control, it keeps their deeper feelings at bay. Early Years Like the person who feels comfortable with being controlled due to what happened during their childhood years, they may also have been controlled during their childhood. The reason they are different can be because they have ended up identifying with the person who controlled them. They have then gone from being a victim to be a perpetrator, but as they haven’t taken the time to question what took place they might not even realise what has happened. Their primary concern could be to avoid how they feel. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change, it might be necessary for them to look at what is taking place within them. They might have beliefs that need to be changed on one level and an emotional build-up that needs to be released at another level. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Self-Sabotage: Is Self-Awareness An Important Part Of Understanding Why We Sabotage Our Lives?18/12/2015
On one side, someone can gradually achieve what they want to achieve, and on the other side, they can end up only getting so far. In fact, they may even find that they are unable to make progress.
As a result of this, someone can feel as though they have control over their life or they can feel as though this isn’t the case. When someone feels as though they have control, they are going to feel empowered; whereas when they don’t, they could end up feeling like a victim. One Outlook If this was how they felt, it is going to show that is it only possible for them to see life in one way. It can then be normal for them to believe that the reason they are experiencing life as they are is because of what is taking place externally. Therefore, the only way for them to change their life will be for them to change their circumstances. However, as they feel as though they have no control, this is not going to be an option. Anger While this may mean that they internalise how they feel and end up feeling depressed, for instance, they could come across in a different way. When this happens, they could come across as angry and they could be only too happy to have a go at someone. In their eyes, they could see this as a way for them to get back at the people who have held them back, or more to the point, as a way to get back at the world. Their behaviour is then going to have a negative effect on others and this could cause them to push people away. Justified If they were told that it has nothing to do with other people and everything to do with themselves, it might go in one ear and out of the other. Or the feedback that they receive from others could end up being dismissed. In their eyes, their behaviour could be justified and this is then going to mean that they don’t believe there is anything wrong with what they are doing. Yet while this may allow them to be ‘right’ and to get an emotional release, it won’t allow them to change their circumstances. Energy The energy that they use to take their frustration out on others could be used to change their own life. But in order to use this energy in the right way, it will be important for one to realise that they are not victims. When one is able to move forward, it is likely to show that they are using their energy in the right way. If one is unable to move forward, they may believe that other people are lucky or that they have something they don’t have. A Label Through having this outlook, it is going to make it even harder for them to change their life. However, appearances are deceiving, and while it may appear as though other people are inherently different, this is unlikely to be the case. This is not to say they won’t look different; what it comes down to is that they are still human beings. But unless one is able to put their labels to one side and to take a deeper look, they are unlikely to change their circumstances. A Closer Look If they were able to talk to someone who is able to achieve what they want to achieve, they may find that they have always been this way. At the same time, they may also find that they haven’t always experienced life in this way. The other person could then tell them that they had to look into why they sabotaged their life and through doing this, it then allowed them to realise they were not victims. They might say that this was the moment the light was turned on, so to speak. Self-Awareness If they were to ask them about what they did, they may say that they looked within themselves. There may have been a time in their life where they use to attract the same people and while they used to blame them, they came to see that they were the ones who always showed up. Or perhaps they only allowed themselves to achieve so much and they were then used to seeing other people achieve what they wanted to achieve, among other things. The first step they took when it came to looking within themselves may have been to read a book. A Seed If this wasn’t the case, they may have come across an article or had a conversation with someone who planted a seed in their mind. During this time, they may have been told that they need to look into what they believe, as well as how they behave. This was then a time when they had to bring their attention within themselves and to look into what was taking place in their mind. Through questioning their beliefs and altering their behaviour, they may have found that their life started to change. Emotional Work Along with this, they may also have found that what was going on at an emotional level was having a negative effect on their life. Perhaps their body was carrying unprocessed grief that needed to be cried out. Along with this, they may have felt the need to be loyal to someone in their family or an ancestor that they had never met. As a result of this, they would have needed to give back what didn’t belong to them. Awareness In this case, they may have needed to have a number of family constellations to put an end to their tendency to sabotage their life. Yet regardless of what took place, the most important thing was that they came to realise that they were not victims. When one looks within and deals with what is holding them back, they will gradually be able to put an end to their self-sabotaging behaviour. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While one can end up with someone who they are attracted to, they can also end up with someone who they are not attracted to. If they were to end up with someone they are attracted to, it could be said that they will be a lot happier.
A Meal One way of looking at this would be to imagine one person eating a meal they like and another person eating a meal they don’t like. The first person is likely to enjoy every mouthful and they might not want this experience to come to an end. Whereas the other is unlikely to enjoy what they are eating and they might be only too happy for this experience to end. So although they are both eating food, the experience that each person is having is radically different. Temporary However, when it comes to a meal that one doesn’t enjoy eating, it will soon be over. But when it comes to a relationship, it is not going to be a momentary experience. In this case, they could end up seeing the other person every day, or at least a few times a week. Metaphorically speaking, it is then going to be as if they not eating something they don’t like on the odd occasion, they are eating something they don’t like on a regular basis. Life Is Too Short If the people around them were to find out about what is taking place, they may say that life is too short for them to be with someone that they don’t want to be with. They could find it hard to understand why they are with the other person. On one hand, this could cause them to wonder why they are with the other person, but on the other hand, it might not have an effect on them. There is the chance that they will dismiss what they hear from others, and they may also end up being defensive. A Similar Position There could also be people in their life who are in the same position. As a result of this, there is going to be no reason for them to say anything. One can then remain with someone they are not attracted to and the people around them are not going to feel the need to say anything. If they were to say something, it could be said that they are projecting their own unhappiness onto them. To The Outsider When one does spend their time around people who are in a different position, these people could have moments when they think about why they are experiencing life as they are. They could come to the conclusion that they have ‘low self-esteem’, and that they need to start believing in themselves, for instance. This could be as far as it goes, or they could take a step further and buy them a book that goes into how they can improve their self-esteem. But once again, there help could end up being rejected. A Closer Look If someone was to take a closer look at this person’s life, they may see that this is not the first time they have been with someone who they are not attracted to. In fact, this could be something that has happened on a number of occasions. This is not to say that they will always end up with people who look the same or who act the same, but their inner experience is going to be the same nevertheless. Yet no matter how they feel when it comes to the people they end up with, it is not going to be enough for them to change their life. Pain It is often said that people are motivated more by pleasure than by pain, and this should then mean that they will do everything they can to move away from that which is causing them to experience discomfort. So when one stays in a relationship that causes them to experience pain, it can be hard to understand. However, while they are experience pain through being with someone who they are not attracted to, they could end up experiencing more pain if they were to go with someone who they were attracted to. The pain that they are experiencing is then going to pale in comparison to the pain they would experience. Protection When one is with someone they are not attracted to, it could be said that they are not going to be fully invested in the other person. One way of looking at this would be to say that they have one foot in the relationship and one foot out. Alternatively, it they were with someone they were attracted to, they would end up having both feet in the relationship. Now, if this was to take place, they could end up feeling exposed. A Painful Experience This will show that they don’t want to open their heart, and through being with someone they are not attracted to, it can allow them to keep their heart closed. On one hand, this will allow them to feel safe, but on the other hand, it is going to stop them from being able to have a fulfilling relationship with someone. If they were to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may find that there was a time where they were hurt by someone. This experience could then have set them up to fear intimacy. The Cause There is also the chance that this has happened on more than one occasion, and while it may have been during their adult years, it could also have been during their childhood years. Either way, it would have left a mark on them and until they take the time to process what happened, their life is unlikely to change. Awareness If one can relate to this, it could be a sign that they have an emotional build-up that needs to be processed, and they could also be carrying trauma. It will then be important for them to reach out for support and this is something that can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
There are certain times during the year when someone can buy more than they usually do, and while this can be a time when other people are in the same position, this is not always the case. For instance, if it was Christmas, there are going to be plenty of other people who are also buying a lot of things.
However, if this relates to a time where a friend or family member’s birthday was coming up, it is not going to be the same. This is not to say that there won’t be other people who are also buying things for a special occasion, but it won’t be something that affects as many people. No Difference If one was to go shopping and to watch the people who are buying things for a special occasion and to watch people who are not, they might not see much of a difference. In fact, they might say that the only reason they know the difference is because they were told there was a difference. Having said that, what could give it away is the kind of things they buy, as if they were to buy a card it will be relatively clear. But if one didn’t see someone buy a card, they could think that they are simply buying things. A Frenzy Now if the same person was to go shopping and to watch people during the time before Christmas, for instance, they are likely to soon notice that there is a difference. On one hand, someone can buy a lot of things for other people, and on the other hand, they can also end up buying a lot of things for themselves. During this time, someone may have chosen to buy so much because they truly want to, or it could be a sign that this is something that just happens. There is then no conscious thought involved; they just go out and buy things because this is what they always do. Conditioning If this is something that takes place because they have done it before, it could be said that it is something they believe in. yet this might not the case; what it could come down to is that they have been conditioned to behave in this way. Therefore, as they get towards the end of the year, they could feel the urge to start buying things. If they were to ask themselves why they need to do this, they might not why; the only thing they will know is that they need to. The Effect of Others What is also going to have a big influence on them is what other people are doing, and while the people who have the biggest influence could be there friends and family; the people they don’t know can also have an effect on them. Out of their need to belong and to be accepted, they could feel the need to do what other people are doing. When this happens, they are not necessarily buying things because they need them; they are buying things because other people are doing the same thing. Through buying things they don’t need, they are going to be spending money for the sake of it. The Upside However, while the retailers are likely to be aware of what is taking place, it doesn’t mean they are going to have a problem with it. It could be seen as just another way for them to make money and as a result of this, they may wish that this was something that took place more often. ‘Black Friday’ is another time in the year when they can end u being overrun with customers, and this is due to the discounts that are available. Once again, someone can see this as a time to get what they need at a cheaper price, or they could just buy things because they are cheaper and not because they need them. The Product When someone sees something in a shop or online, the only thing they could be thinking about is that they want to buy it. And when something is cheaper than it usually is, they could end up having a greater urge to own it. During this time, they might not even think about where the materials that it is made with come from or who made it. The only thing on their mind could be the product itself and this could be seen as normal. The Last Stage When someone goes into a shop, the only things they are likely to see are brand new products; they are unlikely to find out about where the materials came from or who made it. As a result of this, it can be easy to assume that they just appear out of nowhere. But although something looks new and shiny, for instance, it doesn’t necessarily mean that this is a true reflection of where it came from. If someone was to look a little deeper, they may find that what they are buying was made by a company that respects the environment and that their employees were also treated with respect. The other Side At the same time, this might not be the case, and someone may find that the people who made the product have very little regard for the environment. Along with this, the people who they employ to make the product could also be treated inhumanely and as though they are machines. If this is the case, the experience someone has when they see the product is a far cry from the experience the people had who made it. And while the product could stand out; the environment where the resources were taken from (as well as where their old products will go) could have been left in a bad way. Conclusion When someone doesn’t think about were something comes from, it doesn’t mean they don’t care about the planet or the well-being of the people who live on it, what it can come down to is that they believe that the people who made the product are doing the right things. Through having this outlook, it can come as a complete surprise to find out that this isn’t always the case. What his shows is how important it is for someone to put their own needs to one side from time to time and to look into where things come from. As more and more people look into what is happening and make a stand, the sooner things will begin to change.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Social Media: Can What We Share On Social Media Have A Negative Effect On Our Relationships?14/12/2015
Nowadays, one no longer needs to be with someone in order to communicate with them. On one side, it is clear that this is nothing new as it has been possible to talk over the phone or even to text for a number of years; however, this is not longer necessary.
What is new is the fact that one can now communicate with more than one person, and it could be said that this has made it a lot easier to stay in contact with others. The only thing one needs to do is to share something on social media and this can then be seen by their ‘friends’. Less Work Thus, at the press of a button, the people in their friends list can find out about what is taking place in their life or what is on their mind. This is not to say that everyone on their list will see what they have shared trough. For one thing, there are going to be some people who rarely use social media and this means they are not going to see everything that they share. Having said that, if they are a close friend they could take the time to look at what they have shared whenever they go online. Alternatively But even if their ‘friends’ do use social media on a regular basis, it still doesn’t mean they will see what they have to share. On one hand, this can be because they go online after they have shared something and on the other hand, it could be because they have chosen to unfollow their updates. In this case, the only way they will see what has been taking place in their life is if they were to go onto their page. But with this aside, it can be a lot easier for one to communicate with people. Feedback Along with this, their ‘friends’ can also respond to what they share, and when this happens, one will know who has seen their status update. This could be something that occurs through a comment and/or a ‘like’. Upon seeing what they have shared, it could also cause other people to send them a message and they may even go a step further and call them up. If someone ‘likes’ their status, it could be taken as a sign that they approve of what they have to say. A Comment Whereas if they were to leave a comment, it could be said that another person is more invested in what they have to say. In this case, it might not matter whether they have liked their status. Through receiving these kinds of responses, it is likely to have an effect on them, and the kind of effect it can have can all depend on what they have shared. While one can share something that is personal, they also share something that is impersonal. Expectations When one shares something, they can have the need for other people to respond; if this doesn’t take place, they could end up feeling as though they are not accepted by others, among other things. If they were to share something impersonal, such as a music video; they might not be as attached to what happens. Yet if they were to share a picture of themselves, for instance, they could end up having a greater attachment to how people respond. In this case, their self-image could be on the line and it is then going to be important for them to receive positive feedback from others. Less Effort However, even though sharing something on social media takes less effort than it would to message a number of people, to make a phone call or even to speak to someone in person, it doesn’t mean that it will always lead to a positive outcome. One reason for this is that when one shares something online, it is not always possible for other people to see where they are coming from. This comes down to the fact that not everyone sees life in the same way, and just because one sees something in one way, it doesn’t mean other people will. Therefore, the meaning they have can be completely different to the meaning that other people have. Only Words When one speaks to someone in person, they will not only hear what the other person has to say, they will also be able to listen to how they say something and what their body language is like. Along with this, they will also have the chance to find out more and this will allow them to see where they are coming from. In this sense, what another person’s says will be put into the right context as opposed to being taken out of context. But when something is shared on social media, it can end up being taken out of context. A Small Part Through seeing only part of something and/or through someone coming up with their own interpretation of what one has shared, it could cause them to experience a negative reaction. Through experiencing these kinds of responses, they could start to see them differently. It then won’t even matter if one has seen the other person, as what they share online could gradually erode their relationship. Also, one can say things online that they wouldn’t usually say to people in the real world, or if they did, they would only tell people who they were close to and this something else that can have a negative effect on their relationships. Conclusion While it would be easy for one to go to the other extreme and to longer post anything, this might be going a bit far. Through realising that sharing something on social media is not the same as sharing something in real life; it will give them the chance to make better decisions This could mean that they no longer share what they used to share, or it may mean that they take the time to word things different. On one hand, this can mean that one will no longer be able to speak their mind online, but on the other hand, it can stop them from ruining their relationships.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While there are certain emotional responses that are seen as appropriate, there are others that are not seen in the same way. As a result of this, it can then be normal for people to have moments where they ignore how they feel.
It could also go a step further than this, and this means that they could be in a position where they are not even aware of how they feel. This comes down to the fact that when one stops themselves from experiencing one emotion; they can end up losing contact with every other emotion. On The Surface As a result of this, one can end up living on the surface of themselves and it will no longer be possible for them to operate as a whole human being. If one was able to remove the emotions that were seen as inappropriate and to keep the emotions that are seen as appropriate, this wouldn’t happen. This would then be similar to one having a plate of food and removing the food that they don’t enjoy. Through doing this, they will only need to eat the food that they enjoy; they won’t need to compromise. A Different Experience But while this will work when it comes to food, the same approach won’t work when it comes to one’s emotions. In this sense, if one was to remove the food they don’t like, they would also the remove the food that they do like. This could cause one to say that this is ‘bad’ thing, and this is because they will have to experience emotions that ‘negative’. They may believe that their life would be a lot easier if they were able to feel ‘good’ all the time. Two Reasons On one side then, one may want to avoid certain emotions because of how they feel through feeling them and on the other side; they can have the need to avoid certain emotions because of how they are perceived by others. This can relate to how their society responds to emotions. They could find that where they live, people rarely, if ever, show how they feel, or they may find that there are certain emotions that they express. Through living in this environment, they could find that they behave in the same way. Neutral However, while some emotions can be classed as ‘good’ and others as ‘bad’, they are simply there to provide feedback. For example, if one was to put their shoes on and one of their feet felt uncomfortable, they could find they have a stone in their shoe. But if it wasn’t for this discomfort, they might end up carrying on as normal and this could end up causing even more damage. Though experiencing discomfort, one will know that something is wrong and this then allows them to take action. Feedback Therefore, even though the feedback that one receives is not always going to make one feel good, it doesn’t mean that they should overlook it. If they were to do this, it could then set up to suffer in one way of another. This could cause them to do things for the wrong reasons and they could end up being walked over, for instance. Yet if they are out of touch with how they feel, they might not even realise what is taking place. True-Self When one is in touch with how they feel and they allow their feelings to influence their behaviour, they are going to be authentic. They will know who they are and the people they are closes to are also going to have a good understanding of them. Yet when this isn’t the case and they are out of touch with how they feel, they could end up playing a role that has been assigned to them by someone else. Not only will they not know who they are; the people they are closest to won’t know either. Emotional Containment However, even though one is in touch with how they feel, it doesn’t mean that they will end up being controlled by their emotions. At the same time, it also doesn’t mean they will end up controlling their emotions. What is can mean is that they will have the ability to contain their emotional experience; to be with how they feel without losing their self-awareness in the process. This is then similar to how a loving parent would respond to their child who is angry, for instance. Anger They can pay attention to how they feel as opposed to saying that they shouldn’t feel the way they do. If they are angry, they can take the time to reflect on why they feel the way they do. This could be a sign that someone has crossed their boundaries, or it could mean that something didn’t go to plan, for instance. The next step might then be for them to make sure they stand their ground or to speak to the person who is not respecting their personal space, or they might need to look into what they can do to achieve what they want to achieve. Hate Whereas if one was to experience hate, it could be a sign that they haven’t been violated by someone once, but that this is something that has taken place on more than one occasion. Hate could then be seen as prolonged anger and this will be an emotion that has a stronger charge. It will then be important for them to reflect on what is taking place and to see what they need to do. Once again, they might need to speak to someone or it could be a sign that they need to walk away from another person, for instance. Awareness If they were to ignore how they feel, their life could end up getting worse on the one hand, and on the other, they could end up being controlled by how they feel as time passes. This is because how they feel will build-up within them until it ends up coming out in the form of reactive behaviour. Therefore, if one is unable to contain their emotional experience, it will be important for them to develop this ability. Through doing this, they won’t always need to deny how they feel and they won’t always need to be controlled by how they feel either; they will be able to operate as a conscious human being. One can develop emotional strength with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group. During this time, one can express how they feel in a safe environment as well as release any emotions that have built-up throughout their life.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Relationships: Why Do Some People Who Have Empathy End Up With People Who Don't Have Empathy?11/12/2015
When someone has the ability to empathise with others, they might expect to attract people into their life who are the same. But while they can have this outlook, it doesn’t mean that this is what will take place.
Instead, they can end up attracting people who are the completely opposite, and this can make them wonder what is going on. For one thing, it is often said that ‘like attracts like’ and if this is the case, then surely one shouldn’t be experiencing life as they are. The Other Side At the same time, there are going to be people who can not only empathise with others, but they can also attract people who can empathise with them. When this happens, their relationships are likely to be in balance. In this case, it could be said that the saying ‘like attracts like’ is accurate, and this means their relationships are going to be far more fulfilling. While they will still experience conflict and have moments where they disagree with the people they are close to, they are unlikely to experience abuse. Abuse Whereas when one attracts people who are unable to empathise with them, they could end up being abused. This is then going to mean that their relationships are not very fulfilling and they could find it hard to feel good about themselves. On one hand, it could be said that they are opening their heart to others and taking care of their needs, and on the other hand, they are being treated as though they are doing something wrong. Their behaviour is life-affirming but based on how they experience life; it’s as if their behaviour is life-denying. Different Experiences This is not to say that they won’t come across people from time to time who do have empathy, but what this is likely to mean is that they are unable to attract someone into their life who behaves in the same way. When one can attract someone into their life who has empathy, they may meet people from time to time who can’t empathise. Therefore, each person is having a radically different experience on this planet, and this could be how they have always experienced life. Each person could believe that how they experience life is how everyone experiences life. Another Outlook Alternatively, they could see that not everyone experiences life as they do, and while it could cause them to wonder why this is, this might be as far as it goes. Yet if one always ends up with people who can’t empathise, they might have a greater need to find out why they are experiencing life in this way. What this comes down to is that if one is able to attract people who can empathise, they are less likely to think about this area of life. Whereas when this isn’t the case, it is going to cause one to experience pain, and this pain can then give them the reason to look for answers. An Analogy For example, when one’s car is running smoothly, they are not going to need to look under the bonnet. But if they were unable to start their car or if they experienced a loss of power, for instance, they can end up having the need to find out more. At the same time, they could simply take it to the garage and let them deal with it. They can then pick up their car once it has been repaired and carry on with the rest to their life. A Different Outcome In this case, it won’t matter if they find out about what was wrong, and this is because the garage will have fixed the problem. Yet if one ends up with people who can’t empathise and they just overlooked what is taking place, they will continue to suffer. Therefore, it will be important for them to look into why they are experience life as they are; if they don’t, no one else is going to take care of the problem for them. What can stop them from moving forward is if they believe that they are unlucky, or if they feel hopeless. Energy When this happens, it could be said that their energy is being focused inward and as a result of this, they could end up feeling depressed. Another thing they could do is to channel their energy toward others, and this could cause to feel angry. It could then be normal for them to blame other people and to see them as the problem. But while this can allow them to experience a sense of power, it won’t allow them to change their life. A Deeper Look If one was to take the time to reflect on what is taking place and to ask themselves when they first started to experience life in this way, their attention might go back to their childhood years. During this time, they may have had a caregiver who also lacked empathy and this would then have meant that their needs were neglected. Thus, even though they were only a child, they would have had to take care of their caregivers needs. Along with this, they may also have been abused in some way, and this would have set them up to feel worthless. Two Sides As a result of these early experiences, one can believe that the only way for them to survive is to focus on other people’s needs. Through feeling as though they are inherently flawed, they are not going to believe that they deserve to have their own needs met. These experiences would also have stopped them from being able to develop boundaries, and this can then cause them to lose themselves around others and to put up with people who walk all over them. Through not getting the attunement that they needed to develop, it could also have stopped them from being able to develop a strong sense of self. Awareness In order for one to change what is taking place and to attract people who have empathy, it might be necessary for them to reach out for support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group. This can be a time where they will be grieving unmet childhood needs and healing trauma.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one was to go on holiday, they could take the time to try different types of food, or they could continue to eat the food that they are familiar with. If the former was to occur, it could be said that they are embracing their time away.
Yet if the latter was to take place, it could be said that they are not completely embracing their time away. Now, while this could be because they have tried the food before, this might not be the case. The Past At one point in their life, there may have been a time where they tried something similar and this experience would then have caused them to develop a certain outlook. Therefore, whenever they come across the same food or something similar, it will be normal for them to have a certain response. There is no need for them to think, and this will save them a lot of energy. The downside to this is that even though something looks the same, it doesn’t mean it is the same, and just because they didn’t like something at one point in time, it doesn’t mean they won’t like it at another. Missing out Therefore, even though this approach will allow then to conserve energy, there is also the chance that it will cause them to miss out. Instead of being able to embrace the food that is on offer, they will be defined by the experiences they had with food in the past. While this example could be seen as fairly trivial, what it shows is how easy it can be for the mind to take over. When this happens, one is going to see the present as though it is the past, and it is then not going to be possible for them to be present. Disconnected One way of looking at this would be to say that one will be disconnected from life and connected to what is taking place in their mind. But although this is likely to be what feels comfortable, it is not going to be the most fulfilling option. The part of them that wants to reach out and to experience life to the fullest is going to be overlooked. However, unless one is aware of what is taking place, they are going to continue to experience life in the same way. Out of Balance It can then be normal for them to be controlled by their emotions or for them to come to rash conclusions. In this case, it could be said that they are like a small boat in the sea as opposed to a big ship. If they had developed the ability to detach from what is taking place within them and to observe what is taking place, it would make it easier for them to decide if their inner responses are appropriate. Instead of living a reactive life, it will give them the ability to act consciously. The Need This is something that is only going to take place if one has the need to experience life differently. When this need doesn’t exist, they could be only too happy to stay as they are, and it will then be normal for them to stay the same. Yet even though this is something that can stop one form eating food without even trying it, it can also have a negative effect on other areas of their life. As a result of this, they are not only going to be disconnected from food; they will also be disconnected from their fellow human beings. A Bigger Impact If one was to avoid certain foods, it might not have much of an impact on their life; they can simply find other food to eat. At the same time, if they were to have similar response to people, they could end up cutting themselves off from others. For example, when one comes across people who eat a certain type of food or enjoys a certain activity, they could say that they are ‘strange’. Through having this outlook, it could cause them to avoid them, but if they were to get close to them, they could end up being disrespectful. A Label This will show that they have given them a label, and it is then not going to be possible for them see the other people. They have put them in a box and it then won’t matter what they are like as human beings. In fact, one will have stopped themselves from finding out what they are like, but this doesn’t mean they will realise this. Once they have given someone a label, they could carry on with the rest of their life. Multifaceted Ultimately, human beings are multifaceted, and when one focuses on one aspect, they are going to overlook the other parts of them. It can also stop them form being able to grow as a human being. Yet if they were to have an open mind and to find out more about person instead of labelling them, it will give them the chance to grow. This will then give them the chance to connect to others and this means their life is going to be far more fulfilling. Protection Although being reactive and labelling others can allow one to save energy, it can also be way for them to avoid pain. If they were to put a label to one side, they could end up having to face something they have been trying to avoid. For example, one could call someone ‘strange’ as a way for one to avoid a part of themselves that they don’t like. Through projecting this part onto others, it then allows them to keep this part of them at bay. Awareness If one finds that they have the tendency to be reactive and to label others, and they want to change this, it will be important for them to develop the ability to observe what is taking place within them. This is something that can occur through engaging in some kind of meditation. Along with this, what can also make it difficult for one to be present is when they are carrying an emotional build-up. The build-up within them can be processed with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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