At this point in time, and for a little while now, there is a lot of upheaval in the world. A number of years ago, a virus, which was said to have first been identified in an outbreak in Wuhan, soon spread all over the world.
And, just as things were starting to return to a ‘new normal’, Russia ended up invading Ukraine. As of late, a lot has been said about how a global recession could be on the way. Further Back However, even before all of this, it wasn’t as though everything was running smoothly and there was peace on Earth. There were major terrorist attacks and numerous countries were invaded for various reasons. Additionally, there is also how the environment is being impacted and numerous terms have been used over the years, with each one becoming more serious than the last. To use an analogy; it will be as if things were fairly warm before but now the heat is getting unbearable. A Number of Outlooks Now, when it comes to how someone will view what is going on, it can largely depend on what sources of information they look toward to inform them. So, if they typically consume the mainstream media, they could believe that everything is just happening randomly. Also, that some of what takes place is the result of incompetent politicians and those who are ‘bad’/’evil’. There is then going to be very little that they can do and they will have to hope that things change. Another One If, on the other hand, someone mainly looks toward the alternative media, they could believe that everything that has, is and will take place is planned. There is then nothing random about it. As far as they are concerned, what takes place is likely to be the result of what the people at the top are doing, and these can be seen as ‘evil’. They might also believe that there is very little that they can do but they might do their best to wake other people up. The Connection However, irrespective of which of these views someone has, what is going on ‘out there’ will be seen as the problem. Furthermore, there will be those people who are ‘good’ and those who are ‘bad’. This will mean that the average person is not playing a part in what is going on and will be nothing more than an innocent victim. In this case, the sooner those in power are dealt with, the better off the world will be. Another Angle What if there is more to what is going on than meets the eye? What if what is going on externally reflects what is taking place internally, not just for a few people but for humanity as a whole? If this is so, it would illustrate that although someone will see what is going on ‘out there’ as being separate from them; this is nothing more than an illusion. Thanks to their mind and eyes, though, it will seem as though they are simply an observer of what is going on around them. A Closer Look So, if what is going on is a reflection of what is going on internally for humanity, at both a conscious and unconscious level, what would need to be going on internally for there to be so much upheaval externally? One way of looking at this would be to say that there is a general lack of harmony internally. And, as there is so much inner disharmony, the external world is forced to mirror this back. What this will also show is that not only is someone not separate from the outer world but that their inner world is not separate from other people's inner world, with the contents of each person’s inner world feeding into what is often known as the collective consciousness. A Gradual Build Up When it comes to the disharmony that is held inside the collective consciousness, it is unlikely to just be a consequence of the experiences that people have had who are alive. It is also likely to be a consequence of the experiences that humanity has had for hundreds if not thousands of years. As to why there would be so much disharmony held inside the collective consciousness, perhaps the main reason is that human beings have the ability to repress both pain and parts of themselves and then forget about this inner material. They will then have no conscious awareness of what they have disowned but this material will be held inside their unconscious mind and will then influence their own reality and have an impact on what takes place on the planet as a whole. Totally Overlook The challenge is that in many societies around the world, repression and the unconscious mind are seldom mentioned. In these societies, the mind is the point of focus and what is going on at a deeper level is rarely mentioned let alone explored. The outcome of this is that both individually and collectively a lot of darkness builds up and there have to be external eruptions to release tension that has built up. If it was widely understood that repression takes place and there is an unconscious mind that holds what has been repressed and this material was explored, worked through and integrated, there would be less inner disharmony and thus, less outer disharmony. Final Thoughts Taking this into account, as opposed to things simply getting worse, it could be said that humanity is being forced to face their unacknowledged ‘darkness’ or ‘shadow’ in order to become more integrated and evolve. Therefore, along with what can be done externally, one of the most important things, if not the most important thing, will be for someone to face, work through and integrate their own ‘darkness’. By doing this, they will gradually be taking away their creative energy from the external disorder and into a reality that is more harmonious. This is something that Carl Jung was surely talking about when he said, “The best political, social, and spiritual work we can do is to withdraw the projection of our shadow onto others.”
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Mother-Enmeshed Men: Does A Mother-Enmeshed Man Believe That His Purpose Is To Please His Mother?15/4/2023
Although there are some men who are able to put themselves first and live their own life, there are others who are unable to do so. When it comes to the former, a man will be making the most of the life that he has been given, but, when it comes to the latter, he won’t be.
However, if a man is making the most of his life, it doesn’t mean that he has chosen to be this way. Not only this, but he may have been this way for most if not all of his life. Two Experiences Likewise, if a man is not making the most of his life, he probably won’t have chosen to be this way. And, as with the man above, he might have also been this way for most of his life. At this point, it could seem strange as to why one man would be there for himself and one man wouldn’t. After all, a man will be on this planet to live his own life, not to abandon himself. The Norm If a man is not there for himself, there is a chance that he will be focused on his mother and her needs. Thanks to how long he has been this way for, he might not even realise that he is out of balance. Therefore, if another person was to point this out to him, he could end up looking confused and perhaps deny what has been said. What this will demonstrate is how out of touch he is with himself. Self-Alienation The reason for this is that if he had a strong connection with himself, he would be aware of the fact that he is overlooking a number of his own needs. His inner feedback system, his feelings, would let him know that he is neglecting himself. Without this connection, it is going to be possible for him to neglect himself and not be aware of it. This is what will allow him to behave as though he is simply an extension of his mother. Going Deeper If it was possible to look deep inside him, what might soon stand out is why he is behaving in this way. He might believe that he is on this earth to be there for and please his mother. This is then why, if another person tells him that he is neglecting himself, it will just bounce off him. If there is a part of him that believes that he is here to live his own life, it will be so small that it is cancelled out by the part of him that doesn’t believe this. An Odd Scenario Now, while it can seem strange as to why a man would be this way, it is likely to make complete sense if his early years are taken into account. This may have been a stage of his life when he was deprived of the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way There will be the impact that both his mother and his father had on him. When it comes to his mother, she might have generally used him to meet some of her adult and unmet developmental needs. Underdeveloped She would then have been an adult but she would have been developmentally stunted. This would have caused her to unconsciously see her son as the parent or parents that she needed but didn’t have and to use him in the process. And, as he was powerless and totally dependent, he would have been forced to adapt; to give, when he desperately needed to receive. He would have had to lose touch with his true self and create a disconnected false self. Another Element As for his father, he might not have been around or he might not have been around but been emotionally unavailable and lacked backbone. Either way, his father wouldn’t have been there to protect him and to pull him out of his mother’s world. He would have been marooned in her world, like a child that has been abandoned on an island in the middle of nowhere. Naturally, as a result of what was going on, he would have come to believe that the sole purpose of his existence was to be there for his mother. Two Parts He will have had a childhood where he was seldom if ever seen and heard and this will have left him in a developmentally stunted state. His body and mind will have grown but as he won’t have received the emotional nutrients that he needed, his emotional self won’t have really grown. With this in mind, if a man is in this position, there will be two things that he will need to do: first, he will need to become aware of what is going on, and, second, then he will need to heal himself. He will be like a car that has been smashed up and needs to gradually be rebuilt. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Emotionally Disconnected: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Be Emotionally Disconnected?14/4/2023
In addition to having a mental self, someone also has an emotional self. But, while this is the case, it doesn’t mean that they will generally be connected to both of these parts of their being.
However, if they don’t have a strong connection with their emotional self, they might not be aware of this. The reason for this is that experiencing life in this way can just be what is normal and, thus, it is not going to stand out. On The Outside From time to time, though, other people might notice that they don’t have a strong connection with their emotional self. They could then be seen as someone who is distant, shut down and not overly warm, for instance. At the same time, if they are surrounded by people who are also more or less out of touch with this side of their being, how they are might seldom stand out. It could then be rare for another person to notice what they are like. The Signs But, even though they might be oblivious to the fact that they are not an integrated human being, being this way is going to have an impact on their life. For one thing, they are going to miss out on the guidance that this part of them would provide. Their feelings would allow them to know what is and isn’t right for them in each moment and in their life in general. As things stand, they are likely to be overly dependent on their mind, along with the guidance of others, when it comes to how they live their life. Another part Also, as they won’t have their feelings to guide them, when they do something, it can be because they experience inner pressure. It will then be their mind, not their body that is leading them. A lot of what they do can then be the result of what they have been conditioned to believe they should do. Some of the things that they do, then, might not really interest them and could be put to one side if they were to reconnect with themselves. One Outcome What their feelings would also do is allow them to know when they need to take a step back in life and recharge. So, without this input, they can often feel exhausted and find it hard to function. Or, they might need to get to a stage where they are unwell to be able to not do anything and finally relax. Not having this connection to themselves, then, is going to cause them to behave more like a machine than a human being. Self-Alienation If they end up having a breakdown, it might seem as though this has come out of nowhere but this won’t be the case. It will have been something that was slowly building up, but, as they are out of touch with their inner feedback, it will appear to have just happened. Assuming that this doesn’t happen, something could take place that will allow them to gradually realise that they are not connected to all of themselves. At this point, they could wonder why they are this way and what they can do about it. The Cause If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, there is a chance that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when they were deprived of the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Practically from the moment when they were born, they might have typically been neglected, and, when they were given attention, they might have largely received misattuned care. As the years went by, they might have continued to be neglected and abused in a variety of different ways. One Option And, as they were powerless and totally dependent, right at the beginning and as the years passed, they wouldn’t have been able to change what was going on. This is why they had to adapt and becoming a divided human being was part of that process. They would have been forced to lose touch with their emotional self and a number of their needs as it would have been too painful for them to have this connection. This would have caused them to lose touch with their body and live on the surface of themselves. A Natural Effect Based on what they went through at the most important stage of their development, it is to be expected that they would be estranged from themselves. Very early on, it was too painful for them to be connected to themselves. The trouble is that what served them all those years ago is now causing them to suffer unnecessarily. For them to change what is going on, it is likely to take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It can seem as though there is only one type of birth – a physical birth. However, along with this type of birth, there is also another type of birth, and this is known as an emotional birth.
The first type will allow someone to have their own vehicle, so to speak, and the second type will allow them to have a sense of self. So, when both of these births occur, they will be able to see that they are both an individual and feel like one. Analogy Another way of looking at this would be to say that the first type of birth will provide them with a vehicle and the second type will furnish it. Of course, having one’s own vehicle is important but what is also important is for them to feel comfortable whilst they are using it. Still, even though someone will realise if they are driving a car that is or isn’t very comfortable, they might not realise if they have or haven’t been through an emotional birth. What this comes down to is that how they experience life can just be what is normal. The Ideal If they have been through an emotional birth, they are likely to have a felt sense of being enough, of worth, and lovability. Along with this, they can typically feel whole and complete. Thanks to this, they are going to feel comfortable receiving good things as they will know that they are worthy and deserving of having their needs met. This will stop them from pushing good things away and sabotaging their life in the process. One Area Naturally, this will make it easier for them to not only attract healthy people but to also maintain close bonds with others. Once again, they will feel worthy of being seen and heard and being valued and receiving love. Furthermore, due to how they feel about themselves, they won’t be looking for anyone to complete them. And, by needing less love, they are likely to end up receiving more love. Resonance This comes down to the fact that their outer world is mirroring back what is going on for them at a mental and emotional level. This is something that is expressed by the term, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. In this example, it shows how those that are rich internally attract more riches externally and those that are poor internally attract more lack externally. The same applies to love and human warmth. A Different Reality It is not that one person is being rewarded and the other punished; it is simply the law of resonance in action. On the other side of this experience will be someone who hasn’t been through an emotional birth. As a result of this, they are unlikely to have a felt sense of being enough, of worth, or lovability. In addition to this, they can typically feel empty and incomplete. The Outcome They are then likely to feel uncomfortable receiving good things and they won’t know that they are worthy and deserving of having their needs met. This is likely to cause them to consciously and unconsciously push good away and sabotage their life in the process. Consequently, they can often experience ‘negative’ thoughts and feelings and have the inclination to talk negatively to themselves. In this case, they won’t need to leave this planet to go to hell as they will often live in hell. A Key Area It goes without saying that this will make it harder for them to attract healthy people and maintain connections with those that are healthy. Quite simply, they won’t feel worthy of being seen and heard and being valued and receiving love. To make matters worse, as they will feel empty and incomplete, they are likely to look to people to make them feel whole and complete. And, as they need so much, they are unlikely to receive a great deal. A Bleak Existence By experiencing life in this way, it is not going to be a surprise if they often feel angry and frustrated and helpless and hopeless. It could often seem as though the world is against them and that they are a powerless victim. If they didn’t go through an emotional birth, they are likely to have been this way for most of their adult life. The truth is that they are not a powerless victim; it is that they were deprived during their formative years and this set them up to suffer. Back In Time Practically from the moment they were born, they might have often been neglected and, as the years went by, they may have been abused in a variety of different ways. Ultimately, a number of their needs would have rarely if ever been met and this would have deeply wounded them and stopped them from being able to grow and develop in the right way. Their physical and mental self would then have grown but their inner self would have stayed in a developmentally stunted state. If they were born emotionally whole and complete it wouldn’t have mattered that a number of their needs were rarely met but they weren’t. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although someone may have attained a certain level of success, it doesn’t mean that they will feel comfortable with it. Based on how they often feel, it could be as if they have stolen this success from someone else.
They could be doing well in their career and a number of other areas of their life could also be going well. To get to where they are, they may have worked extremely hard over the years. A Mismatch But, if they don’t feel comfortable with what is going on, they are not going to be able to embrace or enjoy what they have worked so hard for. At times, they might wish that their life was different. They could also have moments when they think about what their life would be like if they were not very successful. This could be seen as something that would allow them to feel more at ease. No Idea Their inability to feel at ease with what they have achieved could be something that some if not all of the people in their life are aware of. Then again, this could be something that they have kept to themselves. If they have kept it to themselves, they could believe that talking about what is going on for them would just make things even worse. The reason for this is that telling others could be seen as something that will cause them to be exposed and rejected. An Invisible Prison If they are in this position, not only are they going to be under a lot of pressure but they are going to be carrying all the pressure by themselves. Naturally, the sooner they are able to open up about what is going on for them, the better off they will be. If they were an independent human being who didn’t need others, it wouldn’t matter but as they are an interdependent human being who needs others, it will matter. Sooner or later, they might arrive at the stage where they are no longer able to behave in this way. Going Deeper Now, regardless of if they have or haven’t kept what is going on to themselves, if they were to connect to how they feel, they could find that they feel unworthy and undeserving of what they have achieved. They could see this as being irrational but that is unlikely to change anything. What is going on for them at a mental level is then going to be no match for what is going on for them at an emotional level. If they were to reflect on their life, they could find that they have felt this way for quite some time. Another Part Additionally, what may stand out is that there was a time when they didn’t feel this way and that this was when they hadn’t achieved a great deal. In this case, their discomfort will have increased as they have become more successful. This will make perfect sense as the more they achieve, the further their external experience will be from their inner experience. However, as they have put in the time and effort to achieve what they have and it hasn’t simply been given to them on a plate, so to speak, they are worthy and deserving of the life that they lead. What’s going on? So, if they have felt this way for as long as they can remember and didn’t feel this way before they were successful or at the very least, not to the same degree, it could show that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when they were not provided with the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Throughout this stage of their life, they may have been neglected and perhaps physically and verbally abused. And, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place, coming to believe that they were not enough, worthless and unlovable. A Big Contrast With this in mind, it is not going to be a surprise that they are unable to feel comfortable with the success that they have attained as an adult. Thanks to the view of themselves that they formed when they were in an underdeveloped state, they are going to be in a very low place at an emotional level. Therefore, anything that lifts them out of this low place is going to cause them to experience discomfort. They won’t have done anything that makes them unworthy and undeserving of what life has to offer but they won’t be able to accept this at an emotional level. The Truth Ultimately, they are worthy and deserving of what life has to offer and, in all likelihood, the only reason their parent or parents were unable to mirror this back to them is because of how wounded they were. They may have also been deprived of the love that they needed during their formative years. They would then have been unable to pass on to their child what was not passed onto them. For them to truly let of go what took place at this stage of their life, they are like to have beliefs to question and pain to face and work through. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In general, someone could spend most of their life doing things, and this can mean that they are fairly ‘successful’. So, they could have a well-paid job, an expensive car, and a big house and they could have a desirable partner.
If this is the case, they will look as though they have it all together and they will be seen as having made it. However, there is the chance that although their life looks whole and complete on the outside, they don’t feel whole and complete on the inside. Slightly Different And, even if they are unable to relate to this type of success and have a number of areas of their life that are going well, they could also be in the same position. Still, they could do their best to keep their ‘negative’ thoughts and feelings at bay. Thanks to how they live their life, that’s if they are practically always on the go, this is unlikely to be difficult. Staying busy and working towards other goals will allow their mind to be distracted and out of touch with their inner material. A Battle Sooner or later, though, they may arrive at the point where they are no longer able to run away from what is going on inside them. This could be something that occurs after they are totally exhausted, after having worked too hard. They could then find that they don’t have the energy or the desire to carry on behaving in this way any longer. Yet, there could still be a big part of them that is unable to surrender to what is going on and wants them to carry on as before. Inner Conflict Part of them will then be able to see that living in this way is causing them to work too hard and neglect other areas of their life but a bigger, stronger part of them will be holding on to how things were. If they were to think about living differently and not being so focused on being ‘successful’, they could end up feeling low. What could gradually stand out is that in order for them to feel good about themselves, they need to work hard and be seen as ‘successful’. This will illustrate how empty they feel and how reliant they are on the doing side of their nature to experience ‘positive' feelings. A Human Doing Naturally, if they feel empty and being in doing mode and achieving things allows them to feel good, if only temporarily, it is to be expected that they would have typically acted like a human doing. This will have served as a defence against their real feelings. As they don’t feel whole, this is likely to show that they don’t have a felt sense of worth, enoughness, or lovability. They are then going to look whole on the outside but that won’t be how they feel on the inside. Backwards As a result of this, what they do will have largely been a means to a hoped-for end; with the end being a time when they will finally feel valuable, enough and lovable. But, as this will have been something that was taking place outside of their conscious awareness, they won’t have been aware of this. They might have believed that they solely behaved in this way because they wanted to and that the purpose of life was to be successful, for instance. The needs that they were not aware of, then, would have greatly impacted the needs that they were aware of. The Healthy Approach If they did feel whole and complete what they do would largely be an end per se. This would allow them to freely express themselves as opposed to continually trying to earn approval from others. But, as they will know, through having been this way for however long, is that no matter what they have done or how much approval they have received, it hasn’t changed what is going in inside them. From this, it will be clear that they have been playing a game that they will never win and will only be worn down by. What’s going on? If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, there is a chance that their early years were anything but nurturing. Throughout his stage of their life, they may have been neglected, and perhaps physically and verbally abused. Regardless of what happened, they are unlikely to have received the attunement and the affirmation that they needed to develop the being side of their nature. Consequently, their physical and mental self would have grown but their emotional self would have stayed in an underdeveloped state. Self-Alienation As they were egocentric at this stage, they would have personalised what took place. It was then not that their parent or parents were wounded, or anyone else for that matter; it was that there was something inherently wrong with them. Also, the pain that they experienced and their developmental needs would have ended up being repressed. Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life, of course, but most if not all of the pain that they experienced will be held inside them. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Early Deprivation: Can Someone Have The Need To Stay Small If They Experienced Early Deprivation?9/4/2023
Although someone will have their own life, it doesn’t mean that they will freely express themselves. In general, they could be in the background and even spend a lot of time vicariously living their life through others.
However, if this is just what is normal, they might not realise that they are not truly embracing the life that they have been given. This is not to say that there won’t suffer by living in this way, though. A Bleak Existence What could be common is for them to feel down and even deeply depressed. Yet, if they are often like a sports star that is on the sidelines watching others play, how else would they be? It might not even occur to them that they can change their life and live a life where they are no longer on the sidelines. For them to consider this, something dramatic might need to take place. A Closer Look When it comes to what their life is like, then, most areas of it might be anything but fulfilling. So, they could have a job that is more or less soul-destroying and they might be desperate to find another one. But, due to how they see themselves, they might not believe that they would find a better job. This can be seen as their only option and thus, something that they have to put up with. Another Area When it comes to their relationships, they could rarely express their needs, feelings or preferences. They are then going to act more like an extension of others than a separate human being. Some of the people in their life could describe them as easy-going, selfless, and supportive. In reality, they will be hiding themselves around these people and this will prevent them from being able to feel connected to the people in their life. One Option Deep down, they could believe that if they were to reveal who they were, they would end up being rejected and abandoned. It is then going to be a case of them hiding themselves and having people around or revealing themselves and being alone. If this is what is going on at a deeper level, it is not going to be a surprise that they will often act like a non-entity. The support that they do receive is going to depend on them playing a role; a role where they don’t expect much from others. One More By being this way, they may rarely have enough money or they could typically just have enough to get by. They will adapt to how their life is as earning more won’t be seen as an option. At this point, it will be accurate to say that they will be living a half-life; it will be as if they are merely here to make up the numbers. Therefore, the sooner they are able to reflect on how they live their life, the sooner they will be able to change it. Stepping Back This is something that could take place if their life was to get even worse and they could no longer tolerate how their life is. At this stage, through feeling so fed up and angry, they could start to question what is going on. What could end up standing out is that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. This may show that they don’t believe that they have the right to be here and are unworthy of having their needs met. What’s going on? What this may illustrate is that their early years were a time when they missed out on the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Throughout this stage of their life, they may have been neglected and perhaps experienced other kinds of abuse. Instead of being treated as though they were wanted, valuable and lovable; they would have been treated as though they were unwanted, worthless and unlovable. And, as they were egocentric, how they were treated would have been personalised. The Outcome Consequently, it was not that one or both of their parents was deeply wounded; it was that they had no right to exist or to receive. To handle this stage of their life, they would have had to lose touch with a number of their needs and feelings. Developing a disconnected and fairly needless false self would have been something that automatically took place. Their developmental needs would then have been repressed and gone into hiding. It’s over What took place will be over but they won’t have truly moved on from what took place. Deep down, they are still going to be looking for their parent or parents to provide them with the love that they missed out on all those years ago. As a result of this, they will have unconsciously looked towards others to provide them with a sense of belonging and being worthy and lovable. But, as this stage has passed, it is too late for another person to do this; these unmet developmental needs will need to be faced and grieved. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In today’s world, if someone is depressed, it is often seen as a sign that they are not in a good way. As a result of this, they can end up going on medication or be encouraged to develop a number of goals.
If the former takes place, they might not end up feeling great but they might be able to carry on as normal. As for the latter, they can end up experiencing an inner shift and find that their mood gradually changes. Looking Back Before they were depressed, however, they might have had a lot of energy and been fairly driven. But, for some reason, this would have been a thing of the past and they wouldn’t have been able to experience life in the same way. Now, even though they might want to return to how they were before, even if they are now able to function again, it doesn’t mean that this would be in their best interest. Not being able to function as they did before could be a good sign. Delaying the Inevitable And, if they are now back on their feet and are behaving in a way that is similar to how they were before, it might not be long until they are unable to function again. The reason for this is that their drive may be coming from their unconscious need to be loved by their parents. If this is the case, without knowing it, they will be trying to receive the love that they missed out on during their formative years. Their drive is then going to be coming from their need to avoid their early reality and the pain that they experienced when they were not loved. A Closer Look From outside of their awareness, a part of them will believe that if they achieve fill-in-the-blank, they will finally be loved. This will fill them with drive before they have achieved something. And, to avoid feeling the helplessness and hopelessness that they experienced when they were not loved very early on once they have achieved it, they will need to soon find another goal to achieve. As they have recently felt depressed, it could show that their ability to block out how they feel deep down is not as effective as it once was. Stepping Back With this in mind, on the one hand, they are not going to want to be depressed, and, on the other, being depressed can allow them to gradually end their struggle for the love that is not available and receive the love that is. For this to happen, they will need to not see being depressed as a bad thing but see it as a sign that they need to explore what is taking place inside them. Their being will be sending them a clear message and it will be a good idea for them to pay attention to it. Ignoring what is going on inside them, by taking something or finding another goal to achieve, for instance, won’t allow them to transform their life. Looking Deeper If they were to reflect on the fact that they have been trying to receive the love that they missed out on during their formative years, they could find this hard to understand. They could say that this stage of their life is well and truly behind them and that they were loved. This stage of their life will be behind them but the pain that they experienced and repressed won’t be. As for them being loved, their brain will have blocked out what took place in order to allow them to keep it together and function. A Brutal Time Throughout this stage of their life, they might have often been neglected and perhaps physically harmed. This could show that both of their parents were emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for them. At this stage of their life, it would have been too painful for them to accept that they would not be loved, so they had to disconnect from a number of their needs and feelings. Along with this, as they were egocentric, they would have believed that they were the problem and so, if they struggled, they would finally be loved. A Defence Since that stage of their life, in a number of different ways, they will have been trying to receive the love that their parent or parents were unable to give them. When they feel depressed, this will be the experience that they would have had when they were able to face reality as a child. Therefore, for them to no longer look for the love that they will never receive, they will need to face and work through the pain that they were not strong enough to face as a child and had to repress. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Along with someone’s physical needs, they will also have emotional needs. However, even though this is the case, they can be out of touch with their emotional needs.
If so, although these needs will be outside of their conscious awareness, they will still have an effect on how they behave. When it comes to their emotional needs, this will relate to their need to be seen and heard, valued and loved. Hidden From behind the scenes, then, these needs are going to play a part in what they do and what they don’t do. Based on how they behave, they can create the impression that they are self-reliant and don’t need others. They may prefer to do things by themselves and rarely if ever ask for help. Some of the people in their life could describe them as being very independent and anything but ‘needy’. Rechanneled Yet, as they are not meeting their emotional needs, they are going to be depriving themselves of the emotional nutrients that they need. They could have a number of ways of letting go of the tension that builds up inside as a result of them missing out on what they need. This is not to say that they will be aware of this tension, though, as they could automatically do something that will allow them to release it. Once they have engaged in a certain activity, for instance, they could be able to settle done again. For example So, to release tension, they could have casual sex, exercise or have a massage. At the same time, the tension inside them could cause them to be highly motivated and simply working on their goals could allow them to let go of a lot of tension. Therefore, thanks to the tension inside them, they will have all the fuel that they need to move forward in their career and other areas of their life. They could end up living in this way for many, many years, if not decades. Stepping Back If a time was to arrive when they no longer had the energy or the desire to behave in this way, they could start to wonder why they have behaved like a machine for so long. What could also enter their mind is why they have neglected their need to experience deeper connections with others. It could soon occur to them that they have been out of balance for a long time and need to spend more time in being mode and less in doing mode. They could find that they have behaved in this way for as long as they can remember. An Exercise If they were to imagine that they were in touch with their emotional needs and reached out to another, and this could be a friend or a romantic partner, they could soon end up feeling good. Nonetheless, after a while, they could end up feeling hopeless and helpless. The reason for this is that they could imagine that they end up being rejected and ignored by the other person. They are then not going to be embraced and be accepted, they will be cast aside and treated like they are nothing. What’s going on? If this is what they expect to take place, when they are in tune with and express their need to be seen and heard and valued and loved, it’s not going to be a surprise that they have acted needless for most of their life. Ultimately, they are not going to expect warmth from their fellow human beings; they will expect apathy and even disdain. Their ‘go it alone’ approach to life is then going to make complete sense. This will be a way for them to stop themselves from being harmed; the downside to this is that they will be going against their own interdependent nature. Looking Back What this may show is that their early years were a stage of their life when they missed out on the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. They may have had at least one caregiver who was emotionally unavailable and, thus, unable to truly be there for them. In general, when they needed to be seen and heard and treated with love and care, they might have been ignored, criticised and/or rejected. The attunement that they needed wouldn’t have been provided and this would have greatly wounded them. The Outcome In all likelihood, their parent was too wounded to be there for them, perhaps due to them also being deprived of the love that they needed during their formative years. Nonetheless, as they would have been egocentric at this stage of their life, they would have personalised what took place. It was then not that their parent was not in a good way, no; it was that there was something wrong with their needs and themselves. In reality, there was nothing wrong with their needs or themselves. Coming Home To handle a brutal stage of their life, they would have lost touch with their emotional needs and feelings. This would have meant that they also lost touch with their true self. What would have replaced their true self would have been a disconnected false self. Not being connected to their emotional needs and feelings at this stage of their life would have protected them but now it will no longer serve them. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Child Abuse: Can Someone Embody Their Parents Repressed Feelings If They Were Abused As A Child?5/4/2023
If someone’s early years were anything but loving, they could be in a bad way now that they are an adult. However, thanks to their brain’s ability to block out both painful feelings and memories, they might not remember what took place.
Due to this, they can be in a bad way and not understand why they are experiencing life in this way. Then again, if experiencing life in this way is normal, they might not even question why their life is this way. Stepping Back If they are in this position and they were to reflect on their life, they could see that they often feel edgy and rarely feel good about themselves. At this point, they could come to the conclusion that they have a chemical imbalance or that their negative thoughts are the problem. The reason for this is that, in many societies around the world, inner problems are often seen as being caused by a chemical balance and/or what is taking place at a mental level. Therefore, they will have absorbed the mainstream view about what causes mental health issues. One Route Now, if they didn’t end up going on medication but focused on changing their thoughts, they could find that they end up setting down and feeling better about themselves. Consequently, they could believe that this proves that their thoughts were causing them to suffer. After a while, though, they could find that the changes they have made have started to wear off. There is also a chance that this approach won’t even work. Going Deeper Based on what took place during their formative years, they are likely to be carrying a lot of pain. This pain is likely to be playing a big part in not only why they have negative thoughts but in why they suffer from anxiety and find it hard to feel good. The trouble is that as what took place and the pain that they experienced will be outside of their conscious awareness, this won’t be acknowledged. But, if they live in a mind-centric society, they are unlikely to be guided to what is taking place at a deeper level if they look towards their doctor or a cognitive behavioural therapist for guidance. Reconnecting If they were to sit with themselves and started to connect with their feelings, they could find that they feel worthless, unlovable and scared, for instance. This is likely to be how they felt throughout their early years. Yet, as they were being mistreated by one or both of their parents, these feelings would have been repressed to allow them to function and keep it together. Ultimately there wouldn’t have been anyone there to help them to feel their feelings and to integrate them. A Brutal Time This may have been a stage of their life when they were physically and verbally harmed and neglected. What they desperately needed, to be able to grow and develop, was to be loved. Instead, certain needs would have seldom been met and they would have been deeply wounded in the process. To handle what took place, along with their brain repressing how they felt, they would have lost touch with their true self. Wide open How they were treated was not a reflection of their value or how lovable they were or are; it was a reflection of what was going on for one or both of their parents. Even so, as they would have been egocentric at this stage of their life, it would have been personalised. This is why they will feel bad about themselves, it’s not because there is actually anything inherently wrong with them. But, as what took place will have had an emotional impact on them, having this mental understanding is unlikely to make much of a difference. The Other Side And, when it came to how they often felt at this stage of their life, these are likely to be how one or both of their parents felt at a deeper level. How they were seen by one or both of them, then, related to a part of themselves that they had disowned. With this in mind, as they had projected a part of themselves onto their child, they were, in reality, abusing a part of themselves. If they had been able to face their own ‘darkness’ there would have been no reason for them to harm them. Generational Abuse This shows how abuse ends up being passed on from one generation to another. A parent’s early wounds end up driving their behaviour, causing them to go from a victim to a perpetrator. What this demonstrates is how important it is for someone to face and work through their inner wounds. The outcome of this is that they will be less likely to be driven by unconscious forces and more likely to treat their child/children, and others, better. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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