If someone doesn’t believe that they are enough, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this. But, even if this is the case, it is still going to have a big impact on their life.
So, by having this software running, they can more or less always be on the go and trying to achieve something. This might mean that they are seen as someone who is successful or it might not. Never Ending But, no matter what they have achieved or what they achieve, they are unlikely to slow them. The reason for this is that irrespective of what they achieve in the external world, it won’t change what is taking place outside of their conscious awareness. Due to this, they will continue to be unknowingly driven by what is taking place for them at a deeper level. If they were to slow down, they might soon come into contact with some of the inner material that they have been running away from for however long and not be in a good way. One Area Now, while they might be doing well when it comes to their career, for instance, this might not be the case when it comes to their love life. They might not have been able to make much progress when it comes to their love life. They might have been on a number of dates but not gone much further than this. Or, they might have been in a number of relationships but, before long, they might have come to an end. Very Challenging If they have been in a number of relationships that have not lasted for very long, the other person might have always ended the relationship. Each time that this took place, they might have felt very low and even depressed. When they were in a relationship, they might have typically focused on the other person's needs and done what they could to please them. They would then have given a lot and, most likely, received very little in return. The Next Stage After a relationship came to an end, they might have come to the conclusion that they were missing something. For example, they might have believed that they were not as desirable as they needed to be and/or needed more money. But, if they did end up working on their appearance and/or earned more money, this is unlikely to have had much of an impact. Additionally, putting in all this extra effort and not making any progress may have caused them to feel helpless and helpless. Steeping Back What can cause them to step back and reflect on their life is a painful breakup. After realising that what they are doing is not allowing them to experience what they desire, they can wonder why their life is this way. What can end up standing out is that they don’t believe that they are enough, and this is why it doesn’t matter what they do and why they are unable to sustain a relationship. If they were to talk to a friend about what is going on for them, they could be told that what they believe is not true and that they are enough. Going Deeper The truth is that they are enough, so why don’t they know this at the core of their being? What this can show is that their early years were a time when they missed out on the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Throughout this stage of their life, they might have often been rejected and left by their mother and perhaps their father. This could show that one of both of their parents was emotionally unavailable and unable to love them. A Natural Outcome Being treated in this way would have greatly deprived and deeply wounded them. To handle what was going on, their brain would have repressed the pain they were in and a number of their developmental needs. The other part of this is that as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that the reason they were treated in this way was because they were not enough and were worthless and unlovable. In reality, how they were treated had nothing to do with them and everything to do with what was going on for their mother and perhaps their father. It’s over What took place will be in the past, but, thanks to what they believe and the pain and unmet developmental needs that they are carrying, they will be unconsciously re-creating this early experience. An experience where they can’t accept that they are enough and some if not all of what they desire is out of their reach. For them to gradually put this stage of their life behind them, they are going to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through and unmet development needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
0 Comments
If someone was mistreated during their formative years, they might not be in a good way now that they are an adult. In fact, their life could be one big struggle, with them wondering if they even want to be alive.
However, even if they are not in a good way, it doesn’t mean that they will know why their life is this way. The reason for this is that their brain may have caused them to forget about most of what took place in order to protect them. The Outcome If so, it can be as though they just have something wrong with them and this is why they can’t handle life. Or, they could believe that they have a chemical imbalance and were, thus, born with a faulty brain. Either way, neither of these assessments or one that is similar to it is going to shed light on why they are this way. If they were to end up being put on medication, then, it might make it easier for them to function but it certainly won’t heal the damage that was done to them during their childhood. Different Direction But, even if they do go on medication, they could end up looking into what their childhood was like. What could play a part in them going down this path is that they could see a post on social media or a friend could mention something that gets the ball moving. After this, they could watch videos, read articles and books, and feel the call to work with a therapist. This can be a time when it is as though they were in a dark room for most of their life and now the lights are starting to come on. A Tough Time Their early years might have been brutal and working through their pain and facing their unmet developmental needs won’t be easy. But, with external support and the strength that they now have by being an adult, they have what it takes to gradually heal themselves. After working with a therapist for a while, they can have the need to speak to the parent or parents who abused them. This can also be something that they have the need to do even if they are not working with a therapist and are doing work on themselves. A Big Step Assuming that it is one parent who mistreated them, they can arrange a time to see them or they can just call them or turn up at their home. After they have mentioned a few things and perhaps asked them why they treated them in this way, they may receive a very positive response. So, this parent can validate what they say, empathise with them and show compassion. From this, it will show that although they treated them badly and caused them a lot of harm, they are now willing to help them heal. The ideal This parent might be very old and frail, but, even if this is the case, this won’t prevent them from being there for their adult child. What this response is also likely to show is that they don’t have a personality disorder. If they did, they are likely to have had a very different experience when they opened up to this parent. If, for example, they were abused by both of their parents and they had opened up to their other parent, they might not have made much headway as this parent might have a personality disorder. A Big Help Anyway, having this parent’s support is likely to make it easier for them to heal the damage that was done to them. This parent might even be willing to go with them when they have therapy, assuming that they are having therapy. In any case, talking over what happened and having their parent acknowledge their experiences will greatly serve them on their healing journey. This is something that they can be grateful for. Another Scenario Conversely, they can talk to the parent who mistreated them and have a very different experience. Instead of this parent validating what they say, empathising with them and showing compassion, they can invalidate what they say, have no interest in putting themselves in their shoes or show any sympathy. Based on how they behave, it can be as if their adult child is simply making everything up and is trying to make them look bad for no apparent reason. This parent is then not going to act like their parent; they will act like they are a random stranger who is being accused of something that they themselves didn’t do. A Brick Wall After their parent has behaved in this way, they could end up feeling frustrated, angry, betrayed, helpless and helpless. Most likely, this is how they often felt throughout their formative years. Still, they could try to get through to this parent again and this could go on for many, many months, if not years. What they might soon see is that a big part of them is still trying to be loved by this parent but, just as this parent couldn’t love them as a child, they can’t love them now. Drawing the line It then won’t matter how often or how hard they try; the outcome will always be the same. Not only this but, by trying to get through to and be seen and heard by their parent who can’t do this, they will be harming themselves. Thankfully, by working through their pain and experiencing their unmet developmental needs, they will gradually let go of the need to get through to and be seen and heard by this parent. This will take courage, patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Child Abuse: Can Someone Feel Guilty For Living Their Own Life If They Had A Manipulative Parent?25/3/2024
If someone takes a step back and reflects on their life, what they can see is that they often do things that they don’t want to do. So, they can have the tendency to say yes when they would rather say no.
As a result of this, they are going to spend a lot of time doing things that don’t serve them. They could see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember and are now at the point, where they have had enough. A Closer Look If they imagine doing what is right for them and living a life that is in alignment with their true self, they can end up feeling guilty. As opposed to doing the right thing by being there for themselves, then, they will be doing the wrong thing. Due to how strong this inner experience is, a big part of them could conclude that it wouldn’t be right for them to change their behaviour. It might then not be long until they go back to behaving in the same way. Inner Conflict But, as there is another part of them that is not happy living in this way, it is unlikely to be long until they take another step back. After a few days or weeks, then, they could wonder why they feel bad when they put themselves first. If they were to talk to a friend about what is going on for them, they could end up being told that there is no reason for them to feel this way. As far as this friend is concerned, then, putting themselves first will be the right thing for them to do. Going Deeper Now, if they imagine putting themselves first and stay with the guilt that enters their conscious mind, they could come into contact with other feelings. They could find that along with feeling guilty, they expect to be rejected and isolated if they do what is right for them. Thus, not only will they be doing something wrong by putting themselves first, but they won’t be supported and will end up being all alone. At this point, it could be said that what is going on for them is irrational. The Truth Ultimately, even if changing their behaviour causes some people in their life to pull away, there will be other people who will enter their life. These people will support them for who they are. Based on this, they can change their behaviour and know that their life will gradually get better. Yet, although they can agree with this, it doesn’t mean that they will just be able to change their behaviour. Weighed Down What this is likely to illustrate is how strong this guilt is; they will be more or less paralysed by it. From the outside, then, they will look free, but, from the inside, it will be as though they are in a prison. If this is how they have been for as long as they can remember, there is a chance that it is a consequence of what took place during their formative years. This may have been a stage of their life when they had a mother or a father who wasn’t very loving, supportive or kind. A Tough Time The main priority of this parent would have been to make sure that they did what they wanted them to do, not to provide them with what they needed to grow and develop in the right way. To do this, they would have typically made out that they were bad if they didn’t do what they wanted. As they needed their attention and acceptance, they would have been willing to do just about anything to please them. The trouble is that while this would have allowed them to receive attention and be accepted, it would have caused them to develop a negative relationship with their own needs and feelings. A natural outcome They would have come to believe that their needs and feelings were bad and that the only way for them to be loved and supported was to do what others wanted. Furthermore, thanks to how they were treated and the pain that they experienced, they would have lost touch with their true self. Focusing on the needs and feelings of others, while being estranged from their own needs and feelings, would have become the norm. How they behave as an adult will then be a continuation of how they had to behave as a child. Built On Sand With this in mind, the toxic guilt that they experience when they put themselves first is not a sign that they are doing something wrong; no, it is simply a sign that they are going against their early conditioning. Most likely, their mother or father were deeply wounded during their early years and for whatever reason, were unable to heal any of their inner wounds, which is why they repeated what was done to them or something that was very similar. If their mother or father had been able to be there for them and provide them with what they needed, putting themselves first would feel comfortable. Having this understanding won’t necessarily transform their life but it is a key point for them to keep in mind. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
As someone is a separate individual with their own needs and feelings, they are not always going to want to do what another person wants them to do. During these moments, they will need to make this clear.
If this wasn’t the case, there would be no reason for them to say no to another person. However, although being able to say no is important, this might not be something that they feel comfortable with. No protection The outcome of this is that it will be normal for them to say yes when they would rather say no and end up doing things that they would rather not do. Naturally, this will have a negative effect on them. There will be the impact it has on their mental and emotional health. It might go further than this, though, as they could often do things that have a negative impact on their body. No Choice If they are aware of how they often agree to do things that they don’t want to do, they could find that this just happens. It is then not that they consciously choose to behave in this way. What might enter their might at this point is that they lose their connection to themselves and the ability to exert their will. It might then be as if someone or something ‘out there’ is controlling them. Another Part What they might also see is that to protect themselves, they spend a fair amount of time by themselves. By not being around others, they won’t need to worry about having to do things that they don’t want to do. The downside of this, of course, is that this will cause them to miss out on the human contact that they need. What this comes down to is that they are an interdependent human being, who needs others. The Key For their life to change, they will need to feel comfortable standing their ground around another or others. Until this takes place, isolating themselves will be seen as the only way for them to make sure that they are not compelled to do something that they don’t want to do. If they were to look back on their life, they could see that they have behaved in this way for as long as they can remember. As a result of this, they might even believe that they were born this way. Going Deeper But, regardless of this, there is a chance that what took place during their formative played a big part in why they are this way. This may have been a stage of their life when they were typically not treated like an individual. Their mother and/or father might have seen them as an extension of themselves. Therefore, it wouldn’t have mattered if they wanted to do something as they generally wouldn’t have had a choice. Walked over If they were not powerless and totally dependent, they would have been able to stand up for themselves or to find another family. Their only option was to lose touch with a number of their own needs and feelings and to do what their mother and/or father wanted. To deal with this, they may have spent a fair amount of time by themselves. This would have separated them from their family but it would have stopped them from being violated. Disembodied Being treated in this way and not seen as a separate individual would have deprived them of the attunement and love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. They would have been wounded and deeply deprived. Instead of feeling safe being in their body and connected to their needs and feelings and expressing themselves, they would have been forced to disconnect from their body and their needs and feelings and not felt safe expressing themselves. How they behave as an adult is then going to be a continuation of how it was for them as a child. A Different Experience For them to get back in their body, reconnect to their needs and feelings and feel comfortable expressing themselves, they are likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will play a big part in them being able to develop a felt sense of safety and worth. Over time, doing what is right for them will feel comfortable. This will take courage, patience, and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone were to take a step back and reflect on their life, what might stand out is that they have the tendency to put other people’s needs first. They may see that this takes place without them even thinking about it.
Naturally, the outcome of this is that they will also have the tendency to ignore their own needs. So, while this will allow them to please others and receive a lot of positive feedback in the process, they will neglect themselves. Inner Conflict At this point, they could be well and truly fed up with living in this way. But, although this is likely to be the case, they could find that their need to behave in this way is so strong that they are unable to simply change their behaviour. In fact, it could be as if someone or something ‘out there’ is making them behave this way. Either way, they are not going to believe that they have what it takes to experience life differently. External Support If they were to end up looking for answers, they could soon learn that there are a number of things that they need to do. So, they can see that they need to change their ‘negative’ thoughts and what they believe and even raise their self-esteem. By doing this, they will gradually be able to change how they behave. Altering what is going on up top, then, will allow them to focus on their own needs and do what is right for them. A Different Reality As the weeks and months pass, they could see that their need to please others has greatly subsided and that they spend more time meeting their own needs. As a result of this, they are likely to find that their life is far more fulfilling. One outcome of this is that some of their relationships may have changed, while may have come to an end. They may have also developed a number of new relationships. A new life It could go even further than this, though, as they could have started a new job or be thinking about taking this step. What might have also crossed their mind is moving somewhere else and starting over again. As dramatic as something like this may appear to be from the outside, it will be a perfectly normal effect on them living a life that is more aligned with who they are. Their true essence will be seeing the light of day. Another Scenario Alternatively, they could find that this approach doesn’t have much of an impact on them and they still have a strong need to please others and overlook their own needs. If they were to imagine changing their behaviour and putting themselves first, they could soon feel anxious and fearful. If they were to go deeper, they could end up feeling rejected and abandoned. Assuming that they do, one way of looking at this would be to say that these feelings are caused by their ‘negative’ thoughts and these need to be changed for their life to change. Another Angle However, there is a chance that the feelings that they experience are triggered by their thoughts, not caused by them. Moreover, what can play a big part in why they are behaving in this way can be their unmet development need to be loved. Their childhood will then be over but they won’t have truly moved on from this stage of their life. Therefore, if they purely focus on what is taking place in their mind and change their behaviour, they won’t deal with what is really driving them. Going Deeper With this in mind, on one level, it will be as though they are just trying to please other adults and that this is partly because they have low self-esteem. But, at a deeper level, other adults will be seen as parental figures who can provide them with the love that they missed out on as a child. This shows that the needs that were not met during their developmental years didn’t simply disappear and are continuing to influence their life from behind the scenes, so to speak. What this illustrates is that, when it comes to change, it is essential to explore what is taking place in both the conscious and the unconscious mind. A Closer Look So, during their early years, they may have had a mother and/or a father who was emotionally unavailable and unable to provide them with the love that they needed. This would have caused them to be deprived and deeply wounded. To handle this, their brain would have repressed a number of their developmental needs and the pain they were in. Additionally, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place and blocked out reality. The Next Stage Still, they would have continued to try to receive the love that wasn’t available by ignoring themselves and doing what they could to please their parents. After their childhood came to an end and they became an adult, their early struggle would have continued. For them to no longer turn their back on themselves, they will need to face and work through the pain that was repressed and experience their unmet developmental needs. This will take courage, patience, and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Self-Worth: Can Someone Believe That They Are Worthless If they Experienced Early Deprivation?2/3/2024
Although someone has inherent worth, it doesn’t mean that they will have a felt sense of their own worth. However, even if they don’t have this sense, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this.
But, if they are not consciously aware of this, what is going on for them at a deeper level will still have an impact on their life. What can then be normal is for them to believe that how they experience life is caused by what is going on externally. A Bleak Existence So, a number of areas of their life might not be very fulfilling, and they could believe that they are simply unlucky. Moreover, they could believe that someone or something ‘out there is holding them back. For example, they could have a job that they don't enjoy and they could be treated badly. As for their relationships, they could be surrounded by people who are not supportive and are critical. Emotional State Consequently, they can spend a lot of time feeling down and even depressed. But, if this is how they often feel, they might not be aware of the feelings that they typically experience. What can also play a part in this is that, as soon as they experience a painful feeling or feelings, they could consume and/or do something. This will stop them from being connected to how they feel. A Human Doing The outcome of this is that their need to relax and recharge might seldom if ever be met as when they are not working, they can be doings things to avoid how they feel. They are then going to be a human being but they will behave more like a machine. Still, they could receive a fair amount of positive feedback for being this way, with them seen as someone who is a ‘hard worker’, for instance. If so, this is likely to show that they live in a society that is full of people who are more like machines than human beings. Another Part When they are around their friends and family, they can generally focus on their needs and do what they can to please them. They will then be an individual but based on how they behave, it will be as if they are an extension of others. Due to how they behave, they could often be described as someone who is selfless and very considerate. Not being there for themselves, regardless of the feedback that they receive, is likely to cause them to experience frustration and even anger. Self-neglect But, as they will focus on others and won’t be there for themselves, this is to be expected. Along with this, if these people are not supportive and are critical and they have a job that is anything but fulfilling and are treated badly, a number of their needs are rarely if ever going to be met. Yet, if they were to think about expressing their needs and asserting themselves, they could soon experience fear and anxiety. What this will show is that they only feel comfortable when they are hiding themselves and pleasing others. Stepping Back Assuming that they were to arrive at the point where they can see that they neglect themselves and don’t feel comfortable expressing their needs, if they were to go deeper, they could find that this is seen as something that would cause them to be rejected and abandoned. This partly will come down to the fact that they don’t have a felt sense of their own worth and believe that they are worthless. Thus, the only way that they can be accepted and supported is if they hide themselves and do what other people want. Confusion Most likely, what took place during their formative years played a part in why they are this way. This may have been a time when they were often rejected and left by their mother and perhaps their father. As they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place, with them coming to believe that they were worthless. In reality, their mother and perhaps their father were probably deeply wounded and unable to love them. A brutal Time Along with personalising what took place, they would have been deprived and wounded. To handle what was going on, their brain would have repressed the pain that they were in and a number of their developmental needs. And, as the pain they were in was repressed and was unable to be faced and integrated, they will still expect to be rejected and abandoned. What has already happened will then be seen as something that they expect to happen. The Truth Right now, thanks to the pain and unmet needs that they are carrying, they won’t be able to accept that they have inherent worth and are lovable. Facing and working through this pain and experiencing these needs will play a big part of what will allow them to gradually accept this. This will take courage, patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Self-Worth: Can Someone Believe That They Are Worthless If they Experienced Early Deprivation?1/3/2024
During someone’s formative years, they may have had at least one parent who was very harsh. If so, it would have been normal for them to be put down by this parent and treated like they were nothing.
Therefore, even if there were moments when this parent did treat them differently, it wouldn’t have had much of an impact. It also wouldn’t have mattered if they had another parent who was different. A Deep Impact Being treated in this way by someone who they looked toward for love, care and protection would have wounded them. What they needed was for this parent to build them up, not tear them down. As a result of being on the receiving end of this behaviour, there will be how they would have felt and how they came to see themselves. Moreover, there is a strong chance that their parent’s critical voice ended up being internalised. The First Part When it comes to how they would have felt, they are likely to have experienced the following feelings: anger, shame, guilt, helplessness and hopelessness. Along with this, they are likely to have often felt rejected, unwanted, unloved and worthless. Based on how they were being treated, it would have been perfectly normal for them to feel this way. And, as they were egocentric at this stage of their life, it wasn’t possible for them to see that how they were being treated was a reflection of what was going on for their parent. The Second Part When it comes to how they would have come to see themselves, the view that they developed would have been negative. So, as they were being treated badly and they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them. It was then not that their parent had their own issues and was unable to see them clearly; instead, it was that had no value, were unlovable, and incapable, for instance. Ultimately, the view that they formed had no basis in reality. The Third Part When it comes to the third part, if their parent’s voice was internalised, it would have caused them to develop a very negative inner voice. For example, this voice would have been programmed to tell them that they were incapable, not good enough, and a failure. Although this voice would have been an effect of how their parent spoke to them, due to how normal it was, it would have been experienced as their own voice. They might have even believed that this voice was part of their conscience. Back To the Present Now that they are an adult, then, they are likely to experience a lot of painful feelings, have a negative view of themselves and have a very critical voice inside their head. This will be an effect of how they were spoken to, along with how they were treated by this and perhaps their other parent. For them to gradually move on from this stage of their life, they are likely to have a lot of pain to face and unmet developmental needs to experience, amongst other things. This will take courage, patience and persistence. The Other Side As for the parent who was very harsh and had their own issues, they were probably not aware of how harsh or wounded they were. Even so, criticising their child and perhaps others is likely to have been a way for them to avoid what was going on for them. If, then, they hadn’t put their child and perhaps others down, it would have probably caused them to come into contact with their critical inner voice. The outcome of this is that they would have ended up feeling worthless and unlovable. A Defence Thus, externalising their critical inner voice and putting other people down allowed them to avoid what was going on for them internally and keep it together and function. There is a strong chance that they didn’t have a very good connection with their inner world. By being so externally focused, then, they were oblivious to the fact that they had externalised their critical inner voice and were living on the surface of themselves. If they had been aware of this, it is unlikely that they would have been able to behave in this way. The Bigger Picture What this illustrates is that, while how they were spoken to and treated by them would have been seen as a reflection of their worth and lovability, it had absolutely nothing to do with their worth or lovability. This parent was most likely deeply wounded during their formative years. To handle what took place, they would have developed a disconnected and inflated false self. This self would have typically allowed them to keep what was going on for them at bay but it would have also caused them to become an unfeeling, cold and cruel being, who was full of painful inner material that had to be continually projected into others for them to stop themselves from coming into contact with it. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone has turned their back on themselves, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this. However, if another person were to observe how they behave for a little while, they might soon realise what is going on.
At this point, it can seem strange as to how another person would be able to see what is going on but they wouldn’t be able to; after all, it is their life. What this illustrates is how their brain will have blocked out what is going on in order to protect them. The other Side So, as the person on the outside doesn’t have the need to block out what is going on, it is possible for them to see clearly. This sheds light on why it has been said that human beings see with their brains, not their eyes. If what is going on for them wasn’t blocked out, there is a strong chance that their conscious mind would be flooded with inner material. The outcome of this is that it would be a lot harder for them to keep it together and function. Hidden If they are not consciously aware of how they have turned their back on themselves, they are unlikely to have a very fulfilling life. For example, they can have a job that is anything but fulfilling, relationships that are not very life-affirming, and they might have a strong inner critic. When it comes to what they do for a living, they could work somewhere where they are not valued or appreciated. They might want to leave when they are there and dread going back when they are not. The Other Parts As for their relationships, they might have a number of people in their life who are not very loving and supportive. In general, they might be put down and treated like they are nothing. If they have a strong inner critic, it is likely to be normal for them to feel down and bad about themselves. Consequently, it could often be difficult for them to get out of bed each down and they could have very little if any motivation. Self-Reflection After a while, they could end up taking a step back and wondering why their life is this way. If they were to do this, they could believe that this is just what life is like and that there is very little that they can do. Thus, it won’t occur to them that what is going on for them internally is playing a big part in why their life is this way. Ultimately, they won’t value or love themselves, so how they experience life will feel comfortable to a big part of them. Going Deeper If they were to take a closer look at what is going on and become aware of how they feel about themselves, how they experience life will start to make sense. They will see that, due to how they feel, they have turned their back on themselves. The situations and circumstances that they find themselves in will then be a reflection of how they feel about themselves. After seeing this, they could wonder why they feel this way. A Closer Look What this is likely to show is that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when their mother and perhaps their father were unable to provide them with the love that they needed. Being neglected, put down and even physically harmed would then have been the norm. This would have deprived and deeply wounded them, which would have stopped them from being able to grow and develop in the right way. The Impact To handle what was going on, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their developmental needs. Additionally, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them. In reality, their mother and perhaps their father were unable to give them what they needed because of their own issues. Yet, as they were unable to see this, they would have been rejected and this would have caused them to reject themselves. A Battle But, although they were unable to accept and love them, they themselves would have struggled to be accepted and loved by them. Most likely, this would have involved them losing touch with parts of them and becoming someone else, in the hope that this would allow them to receive what they needed. Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life, but, their unmet developmental need to be accepted and loved by their mother and perhaps their father won’t have disappeared. These unmet needs will cause them to unconsciously re-create situations that are very similar to how it was for them very early on. Drawing the line For them to no longer turn their back on themselves and accept themselves, they are going to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
What can be normal is for someone to spend most of their time doing things. Therefore, they will rarely if ever take the time to relax and recharge.
But, if this was pointed out to them, it doesn’t mean that they would be able to accept this. For example, they could say that life is too short to simply sit around and that it is to be lived. Two Options If so, it will be as if they do things and make the most of life or they sit on the sidelines and waste the life that they have been given. And, as they are likely to live in a society that is filled with people who also live in the same way, there can be no reason for them to question why they are this way. In fact, they can receive a lot of positive feedback from others, with them often being seen as a role model. In this society, being extremely driven is likely to typically be seen as a sign of having high self-esteem. One Area Due to how driven they are, they might have been able to achieve a certain level of success. So, they could be doing very well in their career and this may mean that they have a big house and an expensive car, for instance. If this is the case, they can be seen as being successful in the eyes of some people. When it comes to the people who do see them in this way, they are likely to believe that success relates to having a lot of money and certain material objects. Another Reality On the other hand, although they spend a lot of time doing things, they might not be overly successful. Thus, they won’t have a lot to show for all the work that they have put in over the years. As a result of this, they probably won’t receive a lot of positive feedback from others or be seen as successful. They could be used to being in the background in life and even be seen as someone who doesn’t do much. What’s going on? Now, when someone is more or less always on the go, regardless of whether they are or are not successful, it can show that they are running away from themselves. If, then, they were to slow down and take the time to just be from time to time, they might end up coming into contact with a lot of pain. But, as they have behaved in this way for however long and they are likely to be surrounded by people who also spend a lot of time in doing mode, they are unlikely to realise this. What this illustrates is that there is more to their behaviour than meets the eye. Going Deeper If, for whatever reason, they were no longer able to behave in this way and started to slow down, what they might soon find is that they feel very uncomfortable. This can be a time when they will feel anxious and fearful. Below this, can be guilt and shame. At this point, they might wonder why not doing anything causes them to have this inner experience. A Closer Look What this can show is that they don’t believe that they have the right to exist, and, by being on the go and doing things, they are trying to earn this right. Yet, if this is what is going on for them at a deeper level, it won’t matter what they do or achieve. To use an analogy, it will be as though they are stuck on a treadmill that they are unable to get off. With this in mind, being on the go will keep how they feel at bay but it won’t remove these feelings and transform their inner world. Why Is This? They could come to the conclusion that it is strange that they feel this way as they have as much right as anyone else to be here. As strange as it might appear to be, if they were to go back in time to when they were a child and before, what is going on for them might soon make sense. Their formative years may have been a time when they were generally not loved and cherished by their mother and perhaps their father. Instead, they may have often been criticised, ignored, rejected, and abandoned. The Outcome Being treated in this way would have deprived and wounded them and, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place. It was then not that their mother and perhaps their father were unable to love them; it was that there was something inherently wrong with them. They would then have experienced a physical birth but not an emotional birth – their sense of self would have stayed in an underdeveloped state. The truth is that they deserve to be here and don’t need to earn the right to exist. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Emotional Self: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Lose Touch With Their Emotional Self?19/2/2024
What someone may see, if they were to step back and reflect on how they experience life, is that they don’t have a strong connection with their feelings. They could find that, in general, they are not aware of how they feel.
This is likely to show that they spend most of their life living in their head and don’t have a strong connection with their body. The reason for this is that, it is by being connected to their body, that they will be able to connect to how they feel. One Outcome By being this way, their intellect is likely to be what directs their life. Along with the guidance that this part provides them, they can look towards others. Naturally, this is going to put a lot of pressure on this small part of them. But, if this is how they have been for as long as they can remember, there will be no need for them to believe that there is anything abnormal about living in this way. Another outcome Being this way can also make it hard for them to feel connected to others and form deeper relationships. What this comes down to is that it is their emotional self, not their mental self that allows this to take place. Of course, a mental connection will play a part in developing a bond with another but this connection won’t be as deep as it would be if there was also an emotional connection. Therefore, even if they do have a number of friends, they might not feel overly close to them. One More If they are in a romantic relationship, being this way could make it hard for them to feel close to their partner. Another part of this is that their partner could often wonder how they feel about them. Alternatively, if they have been in a relationship in the past, this may be something that they have experienced. If they did, they might have wondered why they were this way and even been hard on themselves. Another Element Now, although they won’t have a strong connection with their emotional self, what is going on at this level is still going to have an impact on them. For example, what they can find is that their mind is often busy. They can then often suffer from racing thoughts and often find it hard to sleep at night. Furthermore, they can often be in a very low state, with them feeling depressed. A Sign What this is likely to show is that they are carrying a build-up of emotional pain. But, as they don’t have a strong connection with this part of them, it is not possible for this pain to reach them directly. Due to this, it ends up reaching them indirectly by putting a lot of pressure on their conscious mind, and this part then produces a lot of mental activity. Yet, without this understanding, it is likely to seem as though their mind is just playing up. What’s going on? At this point, they can wonder why they don’t have a strong connection with this part of them. What this can show is that their early years were not very nurturing, with this being a time when they missed out on the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. They may have been physically harmed and/or neglected by their mother and perhaps their father, for instance. But, regardless of what took place, this would have been a stage of their life when they were wounded and deeply deprived. One option To handle what was going on and not be completely overwhelmed, they would have had to lose touch with their feelings and a number of their needs. Ultimately, it would have been too painful for them to feel. Their brain would have ended up ‘wiring’ in such a way as to weaken their connection with this part of them. As they were powerless and dependent, they were unable to do anything about what was going on, so they were forced to adapt. The Fall Out They would then have been embodied but thanks to what was going on, they become disembodied. The pain that they experienced, and their unmet developmental needs, will have been repressed and will be held inside their unconscious mind. Not only this but their emotional self will be frozen in time. No matter how developed their intellect is, then, this other part of them will have been left behind. The Next Stage For them to become embodied and integrate their emotional self, they are going to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This is something that will take courage, patience, and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|