When people want to find out about what is taking place locally and globally, they often look to the mainstream media to inform them. This could be seen as a normal part of living in the modern-day world. But while this has been the way for so long, it is it beginning to change and this is due to the internet. There are people who are no longer look towards the mainstream media to inform them and this is because they want to do their own research. We All Have a Brain And as we all have a brain and the ability to think, it is important for us to use it and to come to our own conclusions. This is not to say that the media always has a hidden agenda, as it is not this black and white. But to say that the media is there to simply inform the public and that is on their side would also be inaccurate. At times, what they are focusing on could accurately reflect what is taking place but there is always a reason why they focus on one thing and not another. Focus Once the media presents something to the public, it won’t be along until their attention is absorbed by it. What they do or don’t focus on is then being defined by an outside source and this is an example of how the media can control people’s minds. This could mean that one is focusing on something important or it could mean that one is focused on something irrelevant. One is then not simply being informed; they are being misinformed and distracted. Bad News If something good has happened in the world or closer to home, it probably won’t see the light of day. Yet, when something ‘bad’ happens, there is a greater chance that it will appear in the media. Human beings are hardwired to focus on what is negative and this is due to the fact that if one doesn’t notice a threat, it could lead to their demise. On the other hand, if one doesn’t notice something positive, it is unlikely to put their survival at risk. Hooked So the media plays into this and this is partly why people can end up being hooked into what the media is selling. It can also be a sign that one is carrying trauma and that they are therefore unable to experience life in a balanced way. There are things taking place in the world that can make one think it is getting worse and then there are things that can make them think the opposite. In order for one to maintain a balanced or realistic perspective of the world, it is going to be important for them to take a step back from time to time. Consequences Believing that the world is a complete mess and that there is no hope is one thing that can take place through being exposed to the mainstream media and there are many other consequences. The media doesn’t just cause one to have an inaccurate perspective though; it can also cause them to regress. One way this can take place is through one being conditioned to not only want things, but to want them straight away. The media is then speaking to the child within an adult and bypassing their ability to think critically. This can be seen in media through the ‘buy now pay later’ option that is often put in front of people. It is not only the words they use that play a part, it is also the kind of imagery they use. Instant Gratification As a child, one would have wanted everything straight away and this is because it wouldn’t have been possible for them to wait. However, at this age, it would have related to needs that needed to be fulfilled instantly, such as being fed and held. But as time passed and providing one got their dependency needs met, one would have gradually grown out of the need to have everything straight away. It would also have been important for their caregivers to refrain from giving them want they wanted all the time to enable them to develop their ability to delay gratification. The Benefit If people are able to delay gratification (and this is not to say that this should always be the case), it is going to have a negative effect on the companies who are trying to sell things. What they need are people who are going to want what they are selling and to want it straight away, not next week or the following year. While the people who are selling things are reaping the rewards, the same can’t be said for the people who are being trained to want everything instantly. Certain things can be attained straight away, but not everything can. Delaying Gratification When it comes to achieving success or becoming good at something, one needs to be able to handle frustration and the setbacks that are likely to arise. It is not possible for one to have these things straight away. This means that one will need to keep the part of them that wants everything straight away in check and to maintain or develop the part of them that is able to wait. There is a time to be impatient and time to be patient, and both aspects have to be taken into account if one wants to experience success or to achieve anything. If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have. Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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While human beings need to experience intimacy, it doesn’t mean that this always take place. In fact, one might be in a position where it is not part of their life and never has been. This means that some people are used to experiencing intimacy and this is ‘normal’, and others are not used to experiencing it and this is ‘normal’. Each person’s life is then being influenced in different ways and their experience on this earth is not going to be the same. Interdependent What this all comes down to is that human beings are interdependent. Each and every one of us needs other people and this is not the same as being dependent. When one is dependent on others, it is likely to mean that they haven’t developed a sense of self. Their level of emotional growth probably reflects that of a young baby or a child and one is then looking towards other people to fulfil their unmet childhood dependency needs. And as these needs were not met during these formative years, one is unable to act like an adult. One Sided Here, one could have the outlook that other people are there to meet their needs and that this is something they are entitled to. As they are not willing or not able to give, they are going to end up in relationships that are out of balance. Physically they are an adult, but emotionally this is not the case and unless this changes, it is going to be more or less impossible for them to have an adult to adult relationship. In order for one to have an adult to adult relationship, it will be important for them to see other people as separate beings and not as extensions of themselves. The Other Extreme This doesn’t mean that one will end up being dependent if they are unable to embrace the fact that they are interdependent, as they could go the other extreme. Here, could end up being someone who comes across as needless and tries to do everything themselves. This is likely to mean they feel ashamed of having needs at a deeper level and so they do everything they can to come across as being self-sufficient. And while one can do some things for themselves (this is part of being interdependent), they can’t do everything. The Next Stage The person who is dependent will need to grieve their unmet childhood needs, as it is not going to be possible for other adults to fulfil them. It will then enable one to be able to give and to receive. When it comes to the person who is out of touch with how they need others, it will also be important for them to grieve their unmet childhood needs. As this happens and one no longer feels ashamed of their needs, they will be able to embrace their needs. Opening Up Through grieving one’s unmet childhood needs and being comfortable with one’s adult needs, it will put them in a position where they are able to share who they are and for others to do the same. If one can’t share who they are, then it is not going to be possible for one to experience intimacy. If one is playing a role for instance and therefore hiding who they are, it won’t matter if they are in a relationship as they will feel disconnected. One is not being authentic with the people around them; they are interacting on a very surface level. So their intellect is being engaged but their emotional brain (limbic system) is being overlooked. Saying and doing the ‘right thing’ or what one thinks other people want them to say and do will then take precedence. It’s Safe However, if one does hide who they are and how they are feeling, there is going to be a reason for it. One side they will have the need to open up and to share who they are and on the other, this is not going to feel safe. What feels safe is playing a role and being around people who also play a role. So not only can this relate to one’s partner (that’s if they have one), it could include their friends. This is because one can experience intimacy in their primary relationship and with friends and family. Conflict Even though it might be normal for one to avoid intimacy, they are going against their true nature. What feels comfortable is not healthy or life affirming, it is actually having a negative effect on their life and wellbeing. Protection Keeping people at a distance is then a way for one to protect themselves and while they might realise this, it could be something they are unaware off. If they are unaware of why this takes place, they could feel like a victim and as though something external is stopping them from getting close to others. Yet, based on how they feel on the inside, it is not possible for them to experience intimacy. If another person gets close to them, it is likely to cause them to feel smothered and overwhelmed. The only way for them to maintain their sense of self is to avoid intimacy. Toxic Shame However, this might not be the only thing that is causing them to sabotage intimacy, as they could fear that other people will only abandon them once they get close to them. One could feel as though they are inherently flawed and worthless, and that no one would want to be with them. This is going to mean that one is carrying toxic shame and unlike healthy shame, it has no benefit. It simply causes one to feel less-than human and separates them from others. Awareness The reason one feels this way is likely to be the result of what took place during their childhood. During these years, one may have been physically, verbally, sexual and/or emotionally abused. Although what happened is ‘all in the past’, the emotional experiences of the past have remained trapped in their body. To move on from this and to finally embrace intimacy, one will need to grieve their unmet childhood needs. As this takes place, they will gradually begin to open up to people and to life. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here. If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have. Oliver J R Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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