Abuse: Why Do Some People Always Put Others Down?

As a human being, one has the ability to lift others up and make their life easier, or they can pull others down and make their life harder. There are going to be some people who generally fit into the first category and then there will be others who generally fit into to the second category.

However, to say it is something that is completely black and white wouldn’t necessarily be accurate. This is because there will be some people who will have a positive influence on other people’s lives at certain times and then there will be moments when they don’t.

There is then a difference between someone who is generally a certain way and someone who alternates between the two options. When one has a positive influence on others, there may be moments when they act in another way and the same goes for someone who usually has a negative influence on others.

Mood

It could all come down to their mood and how this affects their behaviour. If one usually has a positive influence on others and they end up feeling down for instance, they might do something they wouldn’t usually go.

Yet, it will also depend on if one is able to contain their emotional experience as opposed to projecting it onto others. When it comes to someone who usually has a negative effect on others, this could all change if they were to feel different

A New Experience

As a result of something that has taken place in their life, they have experienced an inner shift. During this time, the need to pull another person down has disappeared and they are able to give them something to smile about.

And as to how long this change lasts can all depend on what kind of change has occurred.  It may mean that one soon returns to how they were before, or it might have a lasting impression on them.

Two Sides

It is often said that human beings are unpredictable and that they can’t be put into a box. And at the same time, it is often said that they are creatures of habit.

So while there is always the chance that someone will change their behaviour, there is always the chance that they won’t. While it would be easy to say that it comes down to a certain factor, there could be many factors involved.

Constructive

When one does have a positive influence on the people they come into contact with, they will also be having a positive effect on the people they don’t come into contact with. The reason for this is that when one treats another person well, that person is likely to treat other people in the same way.

One good act goes onto create more good acts and this means shows how much of influence someone has. The effects of their behaviour won’t just end with the people they spend time with; they will go onto the influence the people who they might not even meet.

Empathy

When one thinks about how their behaviour is affecting others, it will show that they have empathy. Through being able to imagine what it would be like to be in another person shoes, they will be less likely to cause harm.

But if they didn’t have this ability (for whatever reason), it would be normal for them to act in ways that are destructive. Their behaviour towards others is therefore normal personal, it is just how they are.

Destructive

They might not even be aware of how their behaviour affects others and if they are, it might not have an effect on them. Their point of focus will be on making themselves feel better and not on how they are harming others.

There are many ways in which one can have a negative affect on others and one of those ways is to put them down. One is then is then not using their words to uplift others, they are using their words to abuse others.

Put-Downs

This doesn’t mean that someone will always know when they are being put-down; as it could be very subtle. However, if one knows what the other person is like, it might be easier for them to know what is taking place.

These put-downs could relate to what one looks like, how competent they are, how they feel, where they live and to how successful they are, among other things. And like a piece of metal that has been placed in acid; these put-downs will gradually wear someone down.

Regulation

The person who is being put-down starts to feel worse as time goes by, and the person who is using the put-downs will start to feel better about themselves. They might believe that they are not putting them down and that they are just pointing out the obvious.

This allows them to believe that they are not doing anything wrong and it stops them from taking responsibility for how they feel. But at a deeper level, there is the chance that they are carrying toxic shame.

Self-Loathing

As it is too much for them to face their own self-hate, they end projecting their own issues onto others. It is not that their put-downs always reflect what they don’t like about themselves; it is that their put-downs allow them to keep their own toxic shame at bay.

Yet, no matter how many people they put-down, it won’t change how they feel on the inside. If they want to change their behaviour, they will need to face what they have been avoiding.

Awareness

One might be aware of how they feel, or they might have disconnected from their feelings. These feelings might relate to what has happened during their adulthood or they could go back to their childhood.

This could mean that one experienced some kind of abuse when they were growing up. One then started off as a victim and as way to feel a sense of control, has ended up as a perpetrator. The assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a support group might be needed.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/