Aggression: Can A Man Reject His Aggression If He Had An Abusive Father?

In the same way that a car won’t go anywhere without power, a man is also not going to get very far without being connected to his own power. When it comes to what will provide him with the power that he needs, his aggression is going to play a big part.

Now, this is something that will give him the ability to do things that are destructive but this side of him is not destructive per se. So, when he is connected to this part of him, he will have the energy to stand his ground and assert himself, to take action and go after his goals.

A Vital Element

What this illustrates is how important this part of him is when it comes to him being able to live a life that is worth living. Quite clearly, being able to do each of these things has absolutely nothing to do with behaving in a destructive manner.

And, when a man has a healthy relationship with this side of him, he is unlikely to be seen as being aggressive. This is because by asserting himself, there will be no reason for him to explode as a result of him not standing his ground and being walked over for however long.

Another Reality

When a man is not connected to his aggression, then, he is likely to behave as though he is not connected to his power. Consequently, he can find it hard to assert himself, be walked over, struggle to take action and he might not even have any goals.

Like a car that doesn’t have an engine and stays in the same spot, he is likely to often be passive and perhaps depressed. In general, he might only do what he has to do and, at times, that could be a challenge.

The norm

If this is how his life has been for a little while, he might not question why he is this way. If so, he is just going to be going through the motions in life and he will create the impression that he is just here to make up the numbers.  

Sooner or later, though, he could arrive at the stage where he is unable to carry on living in this way and be desperate for his life to change. This could show that he has hit rock bottom.

A Search for Answers

After looking into why he is this way, he could come to the conclusion that his ‘negative’ thoughts are the problem. For his life to change, it will be a case of him changing what is taking place in his mind.

If he was to go down this path, and he is likely to, considering how focused many societies are on the mind when it comes to change, he could find that his life changes. Still, this change might not last.

Another Route

Assuming that this is what takes place, he could come across information that goes into how his early years are likely to have played a part in why he is this way. At first, he might not be able to remember a great deal about this stage of his life.

After a while, he could start to think about how his early years were anything but harmonious and loving. He may see that this was a time when both his mother and his father mistreated him.

One parent

He might have often been physically harmed and verbally put down by his father. His father would then have expressed his aggression in a very destructive manner, providing his son with a very destructive model of aggression in the process.

In addition to this, his father would have greatly wounded him, and, as a way to handle what was taking place, he would have lost touch with his body. This would have caused him to lose touch with his aggression but it would have also been a way for him to lose touch with the pain that was inside him.

Two Parts

Now that he is an adult, he will continue to be out of touch with his body, and, therefore, his aggression, but he won’t just be able to reconnect to this part of himself. There will be the view that he has when it comes to aggression in general and his own in particular that is creating conflict inside him.

And, second, the pain that he is carrying that is preventing him from inhabiting his body. When it comes to the first part, he will need to explore and question what he believes, and when it comes to the second part, he will need to face and work through the pain that he is carrying.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk