Alone: Can Someone Feel Deeply Alone If They Were Abused As A Child?

What could be normal is for someone to either feel alone or to be out of touch with how they feel and not feel anything. This could mean that they will spend a lot of time by themselves.

Alternatively, they could spend a lot of time around others and not a great deal of time by themselves. Then again, this could be an area of their life that is fairly balanced, with them typically spending a fairly equal amount of time around others and by themselves.

The Same Experience

But, regardless of how they live their life, it is generally going to be as though they are the only human being on the planet. This could just be seen and how their life is, with them not being able to do anything about it.

Still, if living in this way is just what is normal, they might not even realise that they spend a lot of time feeling alone. This is then going to be something that is just outside of their conscious awareness and, thus, there will be no reason for them to do anything about it.

Feedback

Instead, what could often enter their conscious awareness is frustration and they could often feel low and even depressed. Not being aware of what is truly going on for them will prevent them from understanding why they feel this way.

At other times, when they are by themselves, they could end up losing touch with how they feel. This is something that could automatically take place or it could take place with help of something external such as a drink or food.

Another Scenario

If they were to reach out to another or another was to reach out to them and they were to no longer be by themselves, this could be a time when they lose touch with how they feel. Being around at least one person will stop them from having to face how they feel but it won’t allow them to truly connect to them.

For this to take place, they would need to stay connected to how they feel. Another part of this is that when they are around others, then, they are seldom going to stay connected to themselves.

A Release

Without being able to stay connected to and expresses themselves, who they really are is not going to show up. Nonetheless, it could be said that even though they will lose themselves around others, at least they will experience human contact.

This will take the edge off the loneliness that they experience either consciously or unconsciously. Yet, as who they really are wont be seen, it will be a bit like they are eating a meal that is not very nutritious.

Another Source Of pain

Physically, they will show up but emotionally, they won’t be there and if they were able to connect to what is going on inside them when they are around another, they could feel deeply alone. They could find that they feel less alone when they are by themselves.

The reason for this is that, when they are by themselves, they will be able to be with what is going on inside them. They won’t feel the need to hide who they are and to put on an act.

Two Analogies

Therefore, when they are around another, it will be as if they are thirsty and have a glass of water in front of them but they are unable to reach it. So, they could need something or want to express how they feel but they won’t be able to take the next step.

Another way of looking at it would be to say that it is if they have written a letter and want to read it to another person but this doesn’t feel comfortable. The outcome of this is that they can only read out a few parts and most of what is written is left unsaid.  

What’s going on?

If they were to get to the stage where they can no longer tolerate living in this way, they could wonder why their life is this way. Naturally, they are not going to want to spend so much time feeling alone or to hide themselves around another.

They could find that their life has been this way for as long as they can remember, which could show that it is this way due to what took place during their formative years. This may have been a time when they were physically harmed and neglected.

A Brutal Time

What this would have done is stop them from developing a felt sense of safety, security, worth, deserving and lovability. They would then have probably been connected to their body when they were born but they would have ended up disconnecting from their body as time went by, causing them to lose touch with most of their needs and feelings in the process.

Their true self - their needs, feelings, wants and preferences - would have also been seen as being bad and shameful. Consequently, they typically wouldn’t have felt safe when they were around their parent or parents and if they were around them, they typically wouldn’t have felt safe enough to be in their body and in tune with themselves.

Drawing the Line

How they experience life as an adult is then going to be a continuation of what took place very early on. This was a time when they were powerless and totally dependent; there was absolutely nothing that they could do about what was going on.

Now that they are an adult, though, they can decide who they will spend their time with and what parts of themselves they do or don’t express. What they will realise at the core of their being as time passes, by working through their inner wounds, is that it is safe enough for them to be in their body, their true self is not bad and that they don’t need to hide themselves.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk