One way to look at anger would be to say that it is something that someone experiences when they feel violated in some way. Therefore, to say that anger is bad wouldn’t be accurate.
Nonetheless, if they were to become consumed by their anger and lost the ability to behave in a conscious manner, it could certainly cause them to do something that is destructive. They could end up doing something that they will later regret and the consequences could be severe.
The key will be for them to listen to how they feel and to do something about what has taken place. This could mean that they will end up speaking up or they could cut their ties with another person.
When it comes to what they do, it will naturally depend on what has taken place. Another way of looking at this would be to say that their boundaries will have been crossed and their anger will be there to let them know that this has taken place.
Keeping It in
If someone is unable to contain how they feel, it doesn’t mean that they would harm someone or something, though. Instead, they could disconnect from their anger and act as though what has taken place hasn’t affected them.
When this happens, won’t be able to acknowledge how they feel. How they feel will be inside them, but they won’t be able to be with how they feel and to pay attention to this valuable information.
A Slightly Different Experience
If this doesn’t take place, it could show that it is not even possible for one to get angry when they have been violated. It then won’t matter if it relates to something big or small, as they will just tolerate it.
What could take place is that they could sink down inside themselves, feeling hopeless and helpless in the process. They will be totally defenceless and this is likely to mean that they will have a miserable existence.
A Door Mat
This could be how they have been for a very long time, which will mean that a lot of people will have walked over them. Irrespective of whether it comes to their personal relationships or professional relationships, it could be the same story.
Additionally, doing things that they don’t want to do could be the norm and other people could often see them as someone who is ‘easy-going’. They will be easy-going, but this won’t be how they have consciously decided to behave.
In general, they could be out of touch with their own needs and simply go along with what other people want (or what they think they want). They will then have their own self, but it will be as if they are just an extension of others.
So, even if they come across as happy and full of life, this will be nothing more than a facade. In order for them to be happy and full of life, they will need to live a life that reflects their true needs, not the needs of others.
When it comes to the anger that is inside them, is likely to affect them in a number of ways. If they are typically happy and full of life when they are around others, when they are in their own company it could be very different.
During this time, they could often feel very low and find it hard to do anything. They may also find that they have stomach problems and that there is tension in their upper body, neck and mouth.
The Evidence Is There
Their body will make it clear that they are carrying a lot of repressed anger and the only way their body will change is if they start to face how they really feel. If they do this, their physical health will start to improve, they will be able to feel alive, and their life will start to reflect who they are.
The question is: why would they ignore their anger? What this may illustrate is that their early years were a time when it wasn’t safe for them to be angry, which would have caused them to believe that they could only survive if they disconnected from this part of them.
A Closer Look
At this stage of their life, they may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. Their being would have been violated on a weekly, if not daily, basis, and this would have made them believe that it wasn’t safe for them to be in their body and to exist.
Their aggression, the part of them that is there to keep them alive, would have ended up being split-off. Thus, to survive, they would have had to lose touch with the very part of them that is there to ensure their survival.
Drawing the Line
Not being in touch with this part of them would have allowed them to survive during this time but it will now cause them to suffer unnecessarily. For this to change, they will need to reintegrate their aggression.
This will involve dealing with the trauma that is being held in their body and questioning the negative beliefs that they formed all those years ago. This will take patience and persistence.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.