While there are some people who are unable to get angry, there are others who are more or less always angry. As a result of this, it could be said that these people are out of balance.
Still, if one is not always angry, then they could be in a position where they have moments when they are unable to contain themselves. In this case, one could be angry around certain people.
Having said that, they could find that they get wound up even if they are not around them, and this could mean that they only need to think about them. Or they could end up talking about someone and this could cause them to be angry.
The kind of experience they have is going to be radically different to the one that someone has when they don’t get angry. This is going to mean that it won’t matter who they are around, as it won’t have an effect on them.
In fact, they could come across as though nothing fazes them, and it can then be normal for them to receive positive feedback from others. What this shows is how anger is generally seen as something negative.
One can be seen as though they have self-control, and this can allow one to come to the conclusion that they are doing the right thing. As far as they are concerned, anger could be seen as something that is destructive.
Thus, one can believe that they are better than the people who are being controlled by their anger. Even so, this doesn’t mean that one wont experience challenges through being unable to embrace their anger.
For one thing, they can be used to being walked over by others, and they may find it hard to do anything in life. Now, this is not to say that one has to lose control; what it means is that they can develop the ability to contain their anger.
When this happens, one is not denying how they feel, and they are not allowing how they feel to control them either. Through being this way, one will be able to pay attention to the information that is within them.
This is then similar to what would happen if one was to hold a picture up so that they could see what it is. If it was too far away, one wouldn’t know what is was, and if it was too close, it would just be a blur.
When one can contain their emotions, they will be able to know how they feel without being overwhelmed. However, when one is unable to do this, it will be as if they are holding a picture too close to their eyes, (or if they have disconnected from them, it will be as if it is too far away).
Their emotions will be out of control and it won’t be possible for them to think clearly, and it is to be expected that they will act in ways that are destructive. As they are unable to contain their emotional experience, they will have no other choice.
This could also be a time where one is not even aware of how they feel, and this will show that they have identified with what is taking place within them. It is then not that they are experiencing anger; it is that they are angry.
Yet even though they will lose control of themselves when they get angry, they are going to get something from the experience. If one was able to step back from the experience, they would probably find that they end up feeling powerful.
One can feel as though they are untouchable, and there is then going to be no reason for them to change. But even if they were to see how destructive their behaviour is, it might not have an effect on them.
If they only feel powerful when they are caught up in their anger, it is likely to be a sign that it stops them from having to face how they feel at a deeper level. Through being this way, they are not going to want to let go of their anger.
Or if one only ends up being overwhelmed by anger around certain people, for instance, they are not going to want to let it go when they are in their company. If they were to do this, they could end up feeling vulnerable.
Thus, unless something happens, one is likely to continue to experience life in this way. If they were to change, it could because something bad has happened, or it might show that they are experienced an internal shift.
One way of looking at this would be to say that their life won’t change until they are no longer willing to avoid how they feel. Once they feel strong enough to do this, they will be able to integrate their anger.
A Painful Experience
If one was to get into touch with how they feel bellow their anger, they may find that their feelings relate to a time when they were violated in some way. This could have been during their adult years, or it could go back to their childhood.
What this will show is that although time has passed, what took place is still defining their life. Through being aware of why they behave as they do, it will give them the opportunity to do something about it.
But even if one is not aware of why they behave as they do, it doesn’t mean that they have to carry on as they are. What one can do is to reach out for the support of a therapist, and this will allow them to move forward.
One can do the same thing even if they are aware of why they have the tendency to be caught up in their anger. During this time, one can also develop the ability to contain their emotions.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.