In today’s world, it could be said that there are certain emotions that are seen as acceptable and some that are not. And what is seen as acceptable to one gender is not necessarily seen as acceptable to the other.
While a woman can come across as being sad without being judged, if a man was to come across in the same way, there is a strong chance that he would be labelled as being ‘weak’. Just as if a man was to come across as angry it might be seen as normal and yet if a woman was angry, there could be a difference response.
This is how it has been for many, many years and even though men and women have more freedom than they did in the past to be who they want to be, the is still pressure to be a certain way. It takes time for change to occur and while so much has been achieved, there is still work to be done.
When it comes to one’s ability to feel emotionally whole, it is going to be important for them to embrace how they feel. To accept one feeling and to deny another is going to set them up to experience problems further down the line.
In the beginning they might not notice anything, but as time passes, they will soon experience life differently. It is not only going to affect how they feel, it could also have an effect on their body.
One can then end up with physical aches and pains that have been caused by the emotions that they have denied. However, if one is not aware of what they have denied within them, they might not realise what is taking place.
Instead, one could just reach for the pain killers or end up having endless massages as a way to deal with their physical pain. But whether one takes certain pills or has massages, it is only going to lead to a short-term solution.
A Different Approach
This is a process that could go on for the rest of their life, but if one wants to try a different approach and one that may lead to a different outcome, it will be important for them to look at what they are not facing within them.
One may find that they have some emotional work to do and/or that they need to integrate a certain emotion. If they need to process an emotional experience that has remained within them from the past, their body should feel different once it has been dealt with.
Through this, one may find that they are able to embrace an emotion that they used to deny. This is because the emotional experience of thier past may have stopped one from feeling that it is safe for them to express a certain emotion.
Even though one may believe that some emotions are acceptable and others are not, this doesn’t mean that this is the truth. Their past experiences and people they associate with are likely to have caused them to form these beliefs.
Every emotion that one has is fine, that doesn’t mean that one has to express how they feel and yet it doesn’t mean that one has to deny it. What it means that one accepts how they feel and contains what is going on with them.
At times it will be important for one to express how they feel and at others, it won’t. Ultimately, one’s emotions are there as guidance; they are not good or bad. Through embracing this information, one is going to experience life differently to how they would if they ignored this guidance or completely cut themselves off from it.
If one was to disconnect from their anger for example, they are likely to end up feeling powerless. When one is in touch with their anger it doesn’t mean they walk around angry all the time, it means they will know when something isn’t right in their life.
This could mean that they have been compromised or it could mean that they are not doing what they need to do (and are therefore compromising themselves). Their anger is then the force that drives them forward and allows them to do what they need to do.
Through being disconnected, one is likely to end up being passive and it could be a challenge for them to have boundaries. And as a result of them not being able to stand their ground and to know when something isn’t right, they could end up feeling depressed.
Their anger is not there to guide them and one can then end up feeling like a victim. Yet in order for their life to change, it is going to be important for them to integrate their anger.
While some people feel comfortable with their anger, there are others who feel uncomfortable with it. The first has integrated it and the other person has end up being disconnected from it.
This could mean that they attract people who have anger problems and they feel uncomfortable with people who do express their anger. So as one’s anger plays an important part in one’s ability to survive and thrive, it shows that something isn’t right.
At a deeper level, one could fear that if they were to get angry, they would be abandoned. It could be said that it is not possible for one to be abandoned as an adult and that his would only apply if they were a child.
However, even though this makes logical sense, it doesn’t mean that one feels this way emotionally. Although one looks like an adult, it doesn’t mean that they feel like one.
Based on how they feel, it can be a sign that one was neglected during their early years and this has affected their emotional development. At this age, being left would have felt like death and this is because they would have had the ability to regulate what was going on within them.
The years have passed and one no longer looks the same as they did all those years ago, but they still feel the same. The pain of the past has remained trapped in their body and is still defining their life.
For one to experience emotional freedom and to no longer hide their anger, they are going to need to process the emotional experiences that have stayed within them. As this takes place, one will gradually be able to embrace how they feel and to no longer suppress themselves.
This can take place with the assistance of a therapist, healer, and/or a support group.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.