Anger: Can Toxic Shame Cause Someone To Have Anger Problems?

If someone was asked about how people can suffer mentally and emotionally, they could end up talking about depression. This could be because they have suffered from it themselves, or it could be something that one of their friends has experienced.

However, there is also the chance that they haven’t suffered from it and neither has anyone they know. What this could then mean is that they have heard about it in the media, for instance, and this shows that it is no longer something that is completely overlooked.

Mental and Emotional Health

This is not to say that mental and emotional health is given as much attention as physical health; what it comes down to is that it is gradually being given the attention that it deserves. And as this hasn’t been the case for so long, it is to be expected that it is not going to change overnight.

One of the reasons why it has been overlooked for so long is because it is not always possible to see when someone is suffering mentally and emotionally. On the other hand, when someone is suffering physically, there is a greater chance that other people will realise.

Acceptable

Along with this, someone may also find that they don’t feel the need to hide what is taking place for them. And through being able to open up, it can be easier for them to get the support they need.

Yet when someone has a mental and emotional problem, it can be normal for them to feel ashamed of what is taking place. As a result for this, they can hide what is taking place, and it can then cause them to suffer in silence.

Progress

This is why it is so important for the work that has been done to continue, as this will allow more and more people to realise that they don’t need to be ashamed of what is taking place within them. There will then be less chance of someone suffering in silence, and this is because they will feel more comfortable reaching out for support.

And a by-product of all this that as more people become aware of mental and emotional problems, they won’t always need to reach out for support. For example, if someone is in a position where they are suffering but they don’t realise that they don’t have to experience life in this way, someone else can point this out to them.

Society

Whereas when society as a whole is uninformed about mental and emotional health, it can be easier for someone to suffer even if other people know about what is taking place for them. For example, if they were to talk to someone who does understand what they are going through, they could tell that there it is just part of life.

This can then show that the person they have spoken to is not aware of what someone can do to change their life, and it is then not possible for them to support them.  What this can show is that they are simply lacking the right information.

Antidepressants

And if they were to pay a visit to their doctor, they could end up being put on drugs, and while this might take the pain away, it is unlikely that this will enable them to develop a greater understanding of themselves. One way of looking at the current approach would be to say that this is just the beginning, and as time passes, mainstream society will have a different outlook when it comes to dealing with internal challenges.

This is not to say that drugs are always given to people, as they can end up having cognitive behavioural therapy and/or practicing mindfulness. And while these options can be the difference, they might not get to the bottom of what is taking place.

Anger

However, while someone could take drugs if they are in a position where they are suffering from depression, they might not do this if they have anger problems. Instead, they might end up having anger management counselling, or they could be told that they need to think differently, for instance.

One on hand, they could be in a position where their anger gets out of control from time to time, and on the other hand, this could be something that takes place on a regular basis. During this time, they could come across as out of control, and other people could describe them as rude or hostile.

Power

Yet even though their anger is having a destructive effect on their life, they may find that it allows them to feel powerful. Therefore, on the outside they can seem as though they are out of control, but on the inside, they can feel as though they are in control.

Still, regardless of how they feel, it will be important for them to settle themselves down; if they don’t, they could end up casing even more problems for themselves and others.  But if one was to settle themselves down or to let go of their anger, they could end up feeling worthless.

Toxic Shame

When one feels worthless, it is likely to be a sign that they are carrying toxic shame, and this is an inner experience that can cause someone to emotionally collapse. So as a way to avoid feeling worthless and to stop themselves from internally collapsing, they can end up getting angry.

This will allow them to rise up and to feel a sense of empowerment, and in order to maintain their sense of empowerment; they will need to stay angry. If they don’t, they might soon come crashing down.

A Deeper Look

The reason they are carrying toxic shame could be due to what has happened in their adult years, or it might go back to their childhood. If it goes back to their childhood, it could mean that they were abused and/or neglected.

Awareness

What this shows is that it might not be enough for someone to deal with their anger, as it could be nothing more than an effect. If this is the case, it will be important for someone to reach out for the support of a therapist and/or a support group.
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This can be a time where they will be dealing with trauma and grieving unmet childhood needs.
 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/