If a number of people were asked what they think about anger, some of them might say that it is a ‘bad’ emotion. This is then going to be something that is black and white, meaning that it is not open for debate.
Someone like this could talk about how this is an emotion that only causes problems, and this is why it has no place in today’s world. In their eyes, it would be better if human beings no longer had the ability to get angry.
There are then going to be others who disagree with this point of view; they might find it hard to understand how anyone could believe this. When someone has this view, they could believe that anger is neither good nor bad.
They could say that it all depends on how someone responds to their anger, and how their anger affects their behaviour. This emotion is then going to be neutral - what will define whether it is good or bad is how someone channels this energy.
One could point to the fact that while a car can allow someone to get to where they need to go, it could also allow them to run people over. But while this is the case, it is not as though cars are seen as being bad.
It doesn’t stop there, though, as there are so many other things on this planet that can be used in a positive or negative manner. Yet, for whatever reason, it is uncommon for anger to be seen as being neutral.
If someone does believe that anger is bad, it could be a sign that they have primarily had experiences where it was used in a destructive manner. Perhaps they have been around people who were violent, for instance.
Or, they may have been around people who ended up treating people badly whenever they got angry. It might not just relate to other people, as one may have been violent and/or treated people badly in the past when they got angry.
This is then going to be similar to someone who has only had negative experiences around animals; it will be as though this is what all animals are like. No matter whether it relates to the animals that they have had or what other people have had, the outcome will have been the same.
If someone is open-minded, they might be willing to see how anger can also be used in a constructive manner. This would give them the opportunity to see anger in a different light and to form a new relationship with their own anger.
Ultimately, when someone causes harm, their anger is not the problem; what is the problem is that one is being controlled by their anger. This stops them from being able to take a step back and then to use this energy in a positive manner.
With this in mind, to say that anger is bad would be to say that a car is bad for crashing into a building; when the only reason this took place is because the driver allowed it to happen. What this emphasises is how important it is for someone to be able to contain how they feel and not to be controlled by their emotions.
When one can do this, they will be able to connect to how they feel and to look into why they feel angry. This could show that they have been compromised or violated in some way, or it could show that something from their past has been triggered.
If it relates to the former, it might be a good idea for them to stand their ground and to speak out, for instance. One is then not reacting to how they feel, they are responding to how they feel.
A Big Difference
This means that one won’t come across as someone who lacks self-control; they will come across as someone who has good boundaries. This emotion will then be no different to any other emotion, since it will be used as information.
The alternative would be for one to be compromised or violated in some way, but not to get angry. Here, one would be out of touch with their anger, which is there to protect them and to keep them alive.
When one is unable to contain their anger and ends up being controlled by it, it is going to be clear that they are not in control of themselves. It might not take a lot for them to lose it, with something fairly trivial being enough to set them off.
What happens (the stimulus) is generally going to be overshadowed by how they behave (response). This could result in them raising their voice or they could end up physically harming another person.
A Deep Wound
There could have been a time in their life when they were violated, and this would have caused them to experience a lot of pain. Perhaps they were physically abused when they were younger.
Along with this, they might have been neglected, and this would then have stopped them from receiving the kind of care that they needed to develop the ability to regulate their own emotions. There would have been the effect that this had on their body and on their mind.
If one can relate to this, and they want to develop the ability to be able to handle their emotions, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.