If one felt unhappy and they were to meet a friend who was happy, they could soon start to feel different. Their emotional state has then been transformed through being in the other person’s presence.
This can happen without one having to really do anything, and their life doesn’t have to change either. During their time with the other, it has been possible for them to experience life differently.
However, once this person goes away, it doesn’t mean that one will instantly return to how they felt before; as one could feel the same way afterwards. But as time passes, they are likely to return to how they felt.
The Other Side
Yet, just because one is around someone who is happy, it doesn’t mean they will also feel happy. It could end up having the opposite effect and make them to feel even worse than they did before.
Seeing the other person has not given them a reason to be happy; what is has done, is made them think about how low they feel or how bad their life is. They now have another experience to compare their life with.
What this show’s is that it is not as simple as one feeling good because others do; as they can end up feeling the complete opposite. It can all depend on what is going on internally and how they respond to what is happening around them.
The same can be said when it relates to other emotions that can be expressed. If one was to be around someone who is angry, they might end up feeling angry or they could go the other way, and end up feeling uncomfortable.
In The Middle
Just like when it comes to being around someone who is happy, it can all depend on how they already feel. If one feels angry and they meet a friend who is angry, their anger could increase.
Yet, if one doesn’t feel this way, they might end up losing their inner peace and start feel uncomfortable. What this comes down to is that human beings are not separate from their environment; they are constantly being affected by their surroundings.
If one ends up feeling uncomfortable when they are around someone who feels angry, it could be because the other person is out of control. The intensity of the other person’s emotional experience is then overwhelming.
However, it could also be due to the fact that one doesn’t feel comfortable with their anger. There is then the chance that they are not being exposed to something that they are familiar with; they are being exposed to something they have disconnected from.
Yet, just because they have disconnected from their anger, it doesn’t mean that is has disappeared. Through denying this part of themselves, it will have built up within them.
This could mean that one is out of touch with their body and their point of focus is primarily in their mind. The more their anger builds up within them, the more energy they will need to keep it at bay.
When one is around someone who is angry, it could validate their reason for not being angry. The other person’s behaviour is then another example of why they don’t angry.
In their mind, anger could be seen as bad and that’s all there is to it; it doesn’t have a function. But if it didn’t have a function, one wouldn’t have the ability to feel angry.
So as being angry is neither good nor bad, this shows that one is in conflict with themselves. Anger is neutral, what is causing them to experience problems is how they perceive their anger on one side, and how they deal with it on the other.
While one might believe that they are doing the right thing by denying their anger, it is only going to have a negative effect on their life. For example: when someone doesn’t listen to their anger and allows it to build up, it can cause them to have anger problems.
At some point in one’s life, they would have learnt that it is not safe for them to experience anger. Although the experiences they had would have caused them to create certain beliefs, it is pain they experienced through having these experiences that will be having the biggest impact on their life.
While their adult experiences will have played a part, it is likely to have been what occurred during their childhood that set them up disconnect from their anger. This would have been a time where their caregivers stopped then from expressing their anger.
If they expressed their anger, they may have been harmed and/or abandoned. And as this was a time when one was completely dependent on their caregivers, it wouldn’t have been safe for them to embrace their anger.
On one side, they had to disconnect from themselves, but on the other, it is what allowed them to survive. At this point in their life, one wouldn’t have been thinking about whether this was the right thing to do or how it would affect them, they were only focused on gaining their caregivers approval.
While it will be important for one to change what they believe around anger, this might not be enough. For if the emotional experiences of the past remain in one’s body, it might not matter what takes place in their mind.
To focus exclusively on the mind can end up being a form of decoration; in the short-term it might have a positive effect, but as time passes, it might soon wear off. It will be important for one to process the emotional pain that is within them and this will allow them to integrate their anger.
One can then see that their anger is there to assist them as opposed to seeing it as something that is there to cause them problems. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.