While some people feel comfortable embracing all of their feelings, there are others who are unable to do so. As a result of this, they are not going to experience life in the same way, and when it comes to people who fall into the second category, their life is going to be harder than it needs to be.
What this comes down to is that each feeling has a purpose, and when one is unable to embrace every feeling on the spectrum, it is going stop them from being able to function as a whole human being. It is then going to be similar to one having a car that gets them from A to B, but that will be as far as it goes.
There could be lights that don’t work, the windscreen wipers could be out of use, and/or the air conditioning might no longer work, for instance. There could be times when it is possible for them to overlook these problems, and times when this isn’t the case.
Along with this, it could only be a matter of time before others things starts to go wrong and the problems they do have could get even worse. In the same way, one might be able to overlook what happens when they can’t embrace a feeling, but this won’t always be the case.
And through being this way, there will be the kinds of challenges that arise through one not being able to listen to themselves. However, if this is what feels comfortable, there is not going to be much chance of one doing anything else.
One could be in a position where they have been this way for most of their life, and it could then be something they have come to accept. This is then part of their personality and there is no reason for them to behave differently.
Still, this is going to stop one from being able to embrace there true-self, and this is because they won’t be able to accept what is taking place within them. There is also a strong chance that the people they surround themselves with also experience life in the same way.
Friends and Family
On one hand, they could believe that how one comes across is a reflection of who they are, and on the other hand, they could also find it hard to embrace all of their feelings. Due to this, there will be no reason for one to change, or for the people around them to.
What could be different here is that one could be drawn to people who can express the feelings that they can’t. It is then to be expected that these people will be a good match for each other, as they are balancing each other out.
Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that there won’t be conflict, and this comes down to the fact that they are going to press each other’s buttons. For example, if one feels comfortable showing sadness but not anger, they could be drawn to people who are the opposite.
This can then mean that one will feel threatened by their anger and the other could talk about how one should to stand up for themselves. One can then feel like victim and the other can end up coming across as a perpetrator.
What this shows is that one will be drawn to people that have the ability to express what they are unable to, and until they accept the parts that they have rejected within themselves, their life is unlikely to change. But unless one realises what is taking place, it can be normal for them to feel like a victim.
This could cause them to try and change others, or they could do what they can to avoid certain people. In the short-term, this might give them a sense of relief, but in the long-term, it won’t allow them to grow and develop.
However, if one does have trouble embracing their anger, it won’t be difficult for them to find people who are in the same position. The reason for this is that it is often seen as something that is destructive.
Yet even thought this can be seen as something that will cause problems, one is also going to experience problems when they can’t experience it. One way of looking at anger would be to say that it is neutral; it all depends on how it is used.
Clearly, one could get angry and they could end up harming someone and/or something. But at the same time, this can be a force that will allow them to stand up for themselves and to go after their dreams, for instance.
Ultimately, it is there to offer them feedback, and when one is unable to pay attention to this feedback, it is going to set them up to suffer. The ideal will be for one to have the ability to contain their anger and then to allow it to influence their behaviour.
When one doesn’t feel comfortable embracing their anger, it can cause them to be walked over and they are likely to find it hard to say ‘no’. It might not matter if they are on the wrong track in life, as they are not going to have the motivation to do anything about it.
One could be described as someone who is passive and easy going, and they could have a high tolerance for bad behaviour. If they do experience anger, it could be something that takes place when they are by themselves.
A Closer Look
What this can show is that it wasn’t safe for them to express their anger during the beginning of their life, and although times have changed, they still feel the same. During these years, one may have been physically abused, and this would have caused them to disconnect from their anger.
If they had stood their ground, it might have caused them to experience even more abuse. So although they would still have been abused, it may have stopped them from having to experience even more abuse.
In order for one to move beyond this challenge, it might be necessary for them to seek external support, and this can be provided by a therapist. This can be a time where one will be dealing with trauma.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.