Anger: Why Do Some People Have Anger Problems?

 There are numerous challenges in the world today and some of these challenges are to do with emotions; from depression, to suicide and a whole myriad of other things. And emotions cannot simply be ignored or dismissed.

They deserve and need as much attention as ones diet or physical health. However, while diet and exercise are given plenty of exposure in the media and other sources, emotions are generally overlooked.

Emotions can then become something that one: ignores, covers up, runs away from, fights or gets caught up in. To understand or get in touch with them is then not the focus point; what matters is either pretending they don’t exist or to end up being controlled by them.

Two Common Approaches

So this can then lead to one thinking that these are the only options available. One either denies how they feel and uses some kind of repression. Or, they go the other way and has no emotional control.

And in today’s society, the first option is typically preferred. These people may be emotionally num and completely out of touch with how they feel or just cover up how they feel and pretend that everything is fine.

When it comes to the people who are emotionally out of control and exercise very little restraint, they are often labelled as being unstable.

The ideal

So it is fairly clear that neither of these approaches work as a general way of dealing with emotions and feelings. There is always likely to be moments when one denies how they feel or instantly express how they feel. And that is to be expected; we are only human after all and our self awareness will desert us from time to time.

Ideally, one would generally be able to just be with their emotions or to seek the assistance or another person to help them hold the space when this is not possible and neither react to them or repress them. And this ability would have been developed, in most cases, during ones childhood.

But this is not something that always takes place due to a number of reasons. And this can be the result of having caregivers who were are emotionally undeveloped, unavailable or out of tune with their own emotions.

When this takes place, one can grow up having no understanding of their emotions and not having the ability to regulate them. One can develop this ability in later life, but this if often the exception and not the rule. And as their caregivers were not there to regulate how they felt, the emotions and feelings that one felt at that time could have ended up being trapped in one’s body.

Consequences

This means that not only can one’s body end up carrying a lot of emotions and feelings and therefore be emotionally overloaded, but one also doesn’t have the ability to regulate their emotions either.

So it’s like having a problem and yet having no way of solving it. It is then not just present day emotions and feelings that one has to either repress or express without control, but emotions and feelings that are coming up from the body. These could have been there since one was a child, baby and even when they were in the womb.

Anger

And anger is one of the common emotional challenges in the world today. Not simply being angry on the odd occasion or when it is required; but feeing overly angry all of the time or when it is not appropriate for example.

Here once can react with extreme anger when anger is not required or perhaps when expressing anger in a more controlled way might have been better. This person feels extreme anger and is not in control of their anger; they are being controlled by anger.

Popular Solutions

One of the options for someone who has anger problems is to participate in some kind of anger management program. Other options involve certain breathing techniques or changing how one behaves.

These can lead to reduced anger and therefore to responding to situations in a more balanced way. However, what is not always looked at is what is going on at a deeper level. And if one has anger problems, it is often an indicator of inner unrest.

Survival Mechanism

Because even though anger is what is creating problems, anger is a secondary occurrence. Anger typically appears when one feels violated and under threat in some way. Through being angry, one feels energised and empowered. Here, one can have the courage to stand their grand and to protect themselves.

A Deeper Level

So for the person who has anger problems, there is likely to be deeper feelings that relate to being violated in some way. These could be a consequence of what has happened in their adult life and it could be due to what happened to them during their childhood years.

And just because this happened all those years ago, it doesn’t mean that one is no longer affected by it. These feelings that relate to being violated or compromised can remain trapped in the body.

Reality

Through these feelings being looked inside ones body, one will continue to recreate situations that mirror these early experiences and to interpret them in ways that do - even if they don’t. In the beginning one may have had to constantly be on alert to protect themselves, but while times have changed, the body has not. And the body naturally wants to release these feelings in order to heal, but the mind can stop this process from taking place.

And yet if one is out of touch with their body, the only thing that can register is anger. This is because anger will be on top and what is under the anger can remain hidden for as long as one is stuck in their anger.

Awareness

Anger can be primary focus and yet anger is simply an effect, it is not cause. To repress anger is not healthy and when it has built up, expressing it can be unhealthy and dangerous in some instances.

By getting in touch with the feelings and emotions that are below the anger and releasing them, one will no longer need to feel as angry. Here, one will be less likely to attract situations where they feel violated or to interpret situations in this way.

This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or healer, who allows one get in touch with their feelings and emotions and release them.

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Oliver J R Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/