When one spends time with other people, they may find that they are able to be themselves. This means that there is going to be no reason for them to put on an act and to pretend they are someone else.
Therefore, if they have something on their mind, they will be able to speak up. And if they do keep something to themselves, it is going to be the exception as opposed to the rule.
The Right Thing
During the moments when this takes place, it could be a sign that it isn’t right for them to talk about something. This could mean that they are with a friend who is in a bad way, and so they might prefer to hold back.
What this will show is that they have the ability to put themselves in another person’s shoes, and to tune into what is taking place for them. If they were not interested in what the other person was going through and only focused on their own needs, it would have a negative effect on the relationship.
This would cause one to be seen as being self-centred, and there will be a lot of people who are repelled by them. One is then in tune with what is going on for them, but they are completely out of touch with what is going on for others.
If a relationship was only about taking, there would be no reason for them to change their behaviour. One would then be an example of how someone should behave, and other people could learn a lot from them.
However, even though one is going to be out of balance, it doesn’t mean that other people can’t learn anything from them. Through observing their behaviour, someone can see how destructive it would be for them to behave in this way.
Now, this is not to say that one wouldn’t have any one around them if they behave in this way, as they may have a few people around them. But these are likely to be people who don’t value themselves; if they did, they wouldn’t tolerate this kind of behaviour.
So when one can be themselves around others, it is going to show that they feel safe enough to do so. This will be what allows them to pay attention to their needs and feelings.
As a result of this, one is going to be seen for who they are, and this is going to have a positive effect on them. The approval and acceptance they receive from the people in their life will actually mean something.
Sense of Self
And as they are able to behave in this way around others, there is as strong chance that they are able to appreciate their own company. One is then not going to feel disconnected, or as though they have been abandoned.
It will then be clear where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. And through having a clear sense of who they are, they will be able to stand their ground when they need to.
On the other hand, one could find that they are unable to be themselves when they are around others. During this time, they could end up putting on an act, and this could happen even when they are around someone for the first time.
Thus, one is going to be out of touch with their needs and feelings, and their priority will be to fulfil other people’s needs and feelings. It is then highly unlikely that other people will have the tendency to say they are self-centred.
As they put other people first, it is going to cause them to neglect themselves, but what it can do is stop them from having to experience anxiety. If they were to change their behaviour, they could soon end up feeling uncomfortable.
At the same time, even if they do what other people want (or what they think they want), they could still have moments when they experience discomfort. So in order for them to settle themselves down, it will be vital for them to please other people.
Based on this, the main reason one focuses on other people’s needs is to stop themselves from being overwhelmed by how they feel. If they were to longer feel this way, there would be no reason for them to behave as they do.
One thing one could do is to look into why they experience anxiety when they don’t please others. Another thing that could take place is that one could come to believe that they have anxiety problems.
A Closer Look
When one believes that they have anxiety problems, they could look for a way to remove their anxiety. But if they were to take a deeper look into why they feel this way, they may find that their anxiety is not the problem.
If they were to get in touch with what is taking place in their body, they may find that they fear being abandoned. So when they feel as though they could be abandoned, they experience anxiety.
What Going On?
And along with the fear of being abandoned, one could find that they also have moments when they feel abandoned. The reason they are experiencing life in this way can be due to what took place when they are younger.
This may have been a time when they were neglected by their caregiver’s, and this would have caused them to experience trauma. How they felt all those years ago has then stayed trapped in their body.
If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to get in touch with what is taking place within them and to let it go.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.