When someone is addicted to something, they can feel the need to go the other extreme and to cut it out all together. And while this can seem like the right idea, it might not have the desired effect.
Another approach would be to cut down on the amount that one has of something; this will allow one to enjoy what they were doing before, but in moderation. However, this can all depend on what one was addicted to in the first place; as it may be something that they need to cut out altogether.
When one is able to cut down, they won’t need to go from one extreme to the other and this will allow them to accept both sides. There will be moments when they can have what they want and moments when they can’t.
For example: one might find that they have gained too much weight and end up doing everything they can to remove all fat from their diet. Yet, while this might seem to be the right thing to do, it is likely to cause problems down the line.
A Common Occurrence
There are many other examples of how one can go from one side to the other, and while this is not always the best approach to take, it is a common occurrence. If one’s behaviour is not leading to their desired outcome, they can end up doing the complete opposite.
This could be because this is what someone else has suggested or one might believe that this is the best option available. And if one is in a position where they need to lose weight or want to change how they behave, they might not want to take their time.
A Quick Fix
Their focus will then be on getting what they want as soon as possible and not on whether this is the best approach to take in the long run. There is the chance that one will get what they want without too much time passing, but this quick fix might soon wear of and it could have a negative effect on their life.
However, during times of need and desperation, one’s mind is often taken over by their emotions. This is similar to how when one is hungry or thirsty, they can eat or drink anything. It might not matter how good it is; their body is calling out and that’s all that matters.
If one is consumed by what other people think of them it is going to stop them from being able to live their life. It won’t be possible for them to follow their own truth and this is because they will be focused on others.
One could put up with this or they could look for ways to experience life differently. Before long, they might soon come across the outlook that they shouldn’t care what other people think. They could come to the conclusion that this is exactly what they have been looking for and this is because it will allow them to lead the life they want.
If one hasn’t been able to be themselves, it is only natural that this will be seen as the answer. This will allow one to live in their own world and to no longer be affected by others.
When it comes to living this way or living a life where one is constantly trying to please others, it is easy to see which one is the best option. In order to achieve this, one might be advised to think differently and to change their behaviour.
So as time passes, one might start to change their behaviour and to work towards things that they had put off for so long, among other things. Their level of happiness and success could start to rise as a result.
However, while caring about what other people think is often seen as a bad thing, this is not always the case. Having the ability to care about what others think is part of having empathy. This doesn’t mean that one has to constantly walks on eggshells; what it means is that one is able to put themselves in other person’s shoes.
There will be times when it will be important for one to not care about what others think and there will be times when it will be. But to go from one extreme to the other is going to cause one to come across as cold and as though they have no empathy.
If one is unable to behave as they want to behave, it is clear sign that they are too caught up in what other people think. But this doesn’t mean that they have to stop themselves from having empathy. If one wanted to enter a career that their friends or family are against, this may be a sign that one needs to put other people’s views to one side.
Yet, if one lived next door to others and started bagging in the middle of the night or if they were to drive around a neighbourhood around the same time with their music blaring, it would be a good idea for them to care about what other people think.
This shows that it is not black white and how one needs to have the ability to care what other people think; it will all depend on what it relates to. Caring about what others think is therefore not just about approval; it is also about having empathy.
One approach would be for one to disconnect from their emotions and to no longer care about other people think. Another approach would be for one to look at why they have a high need for approval.
This may mean that their developmental needs were not met whilst they were growing up. On one side, this would have stopped them from being able to develop a strong sense of self and on the other; it would have prevented them from being able to emotionally separate from their caregivers.
When this separation takes place, one will be strong enough to live their own truth without needing to completely cut themselves of from what other people think. In order to do this, one will need to be affirmed for who they are and they will need to grieve their unmet childhood needs.
This can take place with the assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a support group.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.