When one places their attention on achieving something or just on whether something can be done or not, their mind is going to have plenty to say. It could be fairly subtle in its response or it could end up being overwhelming. So the mind could come up with a few reasons as to why something cannot be done, why something won’t happen and a host of others things. If these are fairly moderate, one might be able to move forward and do what they want do to. But if these reasons are overpowering and completely consume someone’s attention, then it might mean that they don’t go any further. Their plans are then abandoned and their dreams are forgotten about. This could be a temporary choice and before long, one might start to wonder about what would be like for them to have or experience what it is they want. Doubt So the mind can be full of doubt and this can cause one to turn their back on something they yearn for. Although one can have the desire or the need to have something, the mind can have all the reasons under the sun as to why this is not possible. And the thing about the mind is that it is highly convincing. What it comes up with can easily be taken as the truth and how reality is. That is as far as it goes as far the mind is concerned; what it says is not open to debate, it is the absolute truth. The prison This is why the mind is often described as a prison. And if one has been caught up in what the mind says all their life, they might not even know that they can leave this prison. What they can end up doing is looking for freedom externally. But while this is only natural, if one doesn’t feel free on the inside, it is going to be difficult to experience it on the outside. It might be possible to experience it for a while, but it won’t last for very long. One is ultimately running away from themselves, and they won’t get very far. And yet when their mind is against them and is hindering them instead of assisting them, there might not seem to be an alternative. Out Of The Mind This could cause one to look for answers and to try to understand why their mind is like it is. With them having the intention of changing how their mind is or finding something else to aid them. What they will find out is that their mind can be changed and instead of it being against them, it can work with them. So one can use certain techniques, form new habits and retrain their mind. Programmed Because while the mind is completely convinced about what it believes, what is believes can have very little to do with reality itself. These are just interpretations that the mind has formed. Similar to how one can take a picture of a landscape and yet that picture is not the landscape itself. Hundreds of picture could be taken of this landscape, all with different angles and yet there is still just one landscape. The mind can create all kinds of meanings and these meanings can have very little basis in reality. But while the mind is a meaning making machine, the meaning that is creates will be seen as the absolute meaning. These meanings could be what empower someone or they could be what disempower someone. Beyond The Meanings Upon the understanding that these meanings are in fact not the truth and that what one’s mind is coming up with in relation achieving or experiencing something is also false, one might think that their mind is liar. The trouble is that while the mind is liar, it is very convincing. Developing one’s mind is one option and yet there is another option. This involves one leaving their mind and dropping into another area of their body from time to time. The Heart The mind can be heavy and a stressful place to live, especially if ones awareness is always there and one has all kinds of chatter taking place. However, the heart is very different experience and one is unlikely to feel trapped there. That is unless they have an emotional build up that’s needs releasing for instance. More or less anything is possible as far as the heart is concerned. It just believes and it doesn’t matter if there is a reason to or not. Faith Another way to describe the heart would be to say that it runs on faith and a deep knowing. It is completely open to life and if the mind is the prison, the heart is what it’s like to be outside of the prison. The mind can doubt the heart and come to the conclusion that it is dreaming or ignoring reality. And as the head is fixed and is not open to change, this is only natural. It needs to see before it will believe, whereas the heart will believe without the need to see anything. When it comes to the heart, there are no preconceived ideas. The heart is in the moment and head is either in the past or looking to the future. No evidence is needed by the heart and this can be a great asset. If one holds their vision and keeps going, they are likely to get closer to what they seek. And as this happens, the mind will gradually start to relax and get on board. Awareness The hearts power is always there and yet one can be cut off from it. To get back in touch with ones heart might take practice. If one has trapped emotions in their body, they might find that they can’t stay there and connect to their heart. If this is the case, the assistance of a therapist or a healer might be necessary to help one release them.
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One can enter a new relationship with the idea that it will be a completely new experience and unlike what they have gone through in the past. But while this might be their outlook in the beginning, this can soon come to an end as the relationship progresses. This could be because of what is going on within them or what is taking place on the outside. But although what is going in internally and externally can be different, it is easy for one to see them as being one and the same. So even if the relationship is nothing like what their mind is coming up with, one can end up projecting it onto the relationship and make their inner experience a reality. The other person might be able to make one realise this or they could get caught up in these projections and validating ones experience. The defining factor will often be how aware someone is and whether they are open to what is actually going on externally. There is also the chance that the person they are with is just like their previous partner. At The Start During the beginning of the relationship everything could be going fine or it could be that one notices something more or less straight away and this causes a reaction within them. An instant red play may appear and one thing then becomes a hundred things. This could make it impossible for one to see the other person for who they are. It then won’t matter that they are different, as their mind will be convinced that they are the same as everyone else they have been with or just someone who caused them a lot of pain in the past. A Fresh Start It might be confusing as to why this happens, especially as one is with a new person. And this could be someone who is exactly what they want and is nothing like the people they have been with in the past. Part of them then wants to embrace a new relationship and move on from the past, but there is another part of them that hasn’t let go. So they end up having one foot in the present moment and another in the past. And for one to recognise another for who they are and not as a projection of one’s past, they will have had to let go off what happened in their previous relationships. Or if they are still holding onto the past, they will have to be willing to do the work necessary to see another person for who they are. This will take time and commitment and won’t happen straight away. Holding on is part of being human, so this is not something that one should feel ashamed of or beat themselves up over. Holding On So one has moved on and no longer has any contact with their previous partner or partners and yet another part of them hasn’t. The experiences one had in the past will have caused their mind to create certain beliefs and their body would also have created feelings due to what took place. One can then leave the relationship and physically move on, but mentally and emotionally they could still be in the relationship. What happened has left a mark on ones mind and body and just finding someone else is not always enough. One can unconsciously project what happened in their past onto their new relationship and end up being enslaved or they can consciously work through their projections. Awareness will be the key and external assistance may be needed, such as a therapist or a book for instance. Examples There is going to be all kinds of things that one can project onto another and some of these will have a bigger impact than others. One’s ability to trust is going to be something that is affected by what took place in the past. This can relate to if another person will cheat, be there for them and /or whether they will hurt them like they were hurt in the past. Sabotage If these are not faced, the relationship might not progress or evolve and could end up being sabotaged in the process. This could be in the early stages or one might get to a certain point and then be unable to move forward. History Repeats Itself What one is experiencing could relate to what has happened in their adult relationships and yet it can also go back to what took place during their childhood. One might find that how they have felt in their relationships, actually mirrors how they felt as a child towards their parents. However, no matter where it was from, one will have to deal with their beliefs and possibly their emotions. Unless ones emotions from these experiences are processed, they will stay trapped in their body. And these feelings then go on to define who one attracts and is attracted to. As well as how they behave and how they interpret another person’s behaviour. Awareness The first thing that one can do is to notice any patterns that are operating. One can also bring up how they feel in the relationship to their partner and see if there is any truth to it. Reading up on this area will help one to become more aware and to question their beliefs. A therapist, healer or their partner can assist them in releasing their trapped emotions. This will allow one to be more present and to see the other person for who they are.
If one was to stop eating and drinking it wouldn’t be long before they would start to experience problems. And if this went on for too long, they would soon die. But while one is likely to be aware of their physical needs in most cases, what they might not be aware of is what is going on for them emotionally. Or if they are aware of what is going on, they might end up ignoring it. This relates to how one feels about something or someone. The ideal is for emotions to flow, just like a river. And if one can’t deal with them as and when they arise, like a river that is monetarily blocked, they will process them shortly after. The River Is this blockage only lasts for a short time, nothing too damaging is likely to occur. But if this continues to build, the rest of the river will end up being compromised by what is happening further ahead. And if it goes on for too long, it could end up pushing through the blockage and exploding out. And this is similar to how emotional blockages work in human beings. When the rest of the river is affected, it is like one repressing how they feel. And when it explodes out, it is like someone becoming emotionally out of control and reactive. Invisible Force Emotions can’t be seen directly and while this is the case, they are still playing a missive role in one’s life. One can either embrace them or they can deny them, but there will be consequences nevertheless. This is not to say that one should always express how they feel in each and every moment, which would be just as dysfunctional as repressing them. At times it won’t be right to reveal how one feels and this is when it will be necessary for one to deal with them when the moment has passed. Holding The Experience To be able to contain how they feel and to the hold the emotional experience within them will be imperative. This will mean that one needs to be able to regulate their emotions. And if one can regulate how they feel, it will also make it possible for them to act assertively. Through doing this, one will have the option of resolving what is playing a part in their emotional reaction. Or if they can’t get this far, they will at least do their best. Two Options So if one can’t regulate how they feel and act assertively when their feelings arise, they will have formed a habit of denying them. This could cause them to be completely disconnected from how they feel. And if this habit has lasted for quiet some time, it could also result in one exploding emotionally. So the situation may call for a mild reaction and yet through ones emotional build up, they over react. They don’t experience the situation for what it is, what they experience is the situation, plus, many months or even years worth of emotions. Internalisation How one feels will have to stay inside their body and there is going to be all kinds of things that can happen through this. For one thing, one is likely to feel weak and drained. And this is to be expected; their emotional body is being loaded up with emotional weight. So one can’t expect to feel free and empowered, this is not going to be possible. Through these emotions staying trapped in one’s body, one could end up in a constant state of anger or anxiety. At first it may have related to one experience that they had or a number of experiences and yet now it has become a way of life and colours everything they do. Behaviour One could end up being passive aggressive and all because they don’t open up about how they feel. So they end up carrying their experience and unable to move on from what happened. Boredom is often seen as something that appears when one has nothing to do and is not getting enough stimulation. And yet it can also be because they feel emotional blocked. Health How one feels can then end up influencing their physical body. They may experience throat problems for instance and this is because this is the area of one’s truth. So when one is unable to speak up, tension is likely to arise. This could be in the form of a sore throat or even stomach problems. The stomach is the area of the ego and this area of the body decides whether something is safe or not. And if one doesn’t feel safe to express how they feel, then it will be primarily due to what is going on here. Safe If one finds that they have a pattern of holding in how they feel and are therefore not expressing themselves, either assertively or when the situation passes, it will be because this is what feels safe. And if one doesn’t have a pattern and just odes it in certain situations, this will also be the result of what feels safe. One may have learnt at a young age that it wasn’t safe to express how they feel and that if they did, they would be harmed either verbally or physically for instance. Awareness This means that one will need to question the associations that have been formed around speaking up for themselves. To question these and then to behave differently might be enough for some people. Other people may have trapped emotions that need to be released and as this is done, they will feel safe to act assertively or to express their emotions in a safe environment shortly after.
Just about everything on this planet needs to be protected, because if this doesn’t take place, it will begin to erode or end up simply being destroyed. This is true for a car, the ocean, forests and houses for instance. These things will need to be protected by humans, from humans and from nature itself. But when it comes to human beings, they do have the option of protecting themselves. At times they might need the assistance of another or others, but generally it will be down to them. Unless this is baby or a small child and then it will be up to their parents or caregivers to look after them. At this age, they won’t have boundaries and will need others to stand up for them and to look out for their best interests. Imperative So boundaries are incredibly important and without them, there is going to be the potential for one to feel extremely vulnerable to anything and everything. On one side, there are people out there who could do a lot of damage to someone. And on the other, there are people who are not necessarily malicious in their intent, but if one doesn’t stand their ground, they will end up being compromised in some way. In these cases, it might involve one saying no or speaking up. Different Areas Not only will one have to protect their physical body, they will also need to protect their emotional body, their mind and even what they choose to believe about life itself. This will relate to their spiritual nature or if they are religious. The need to protect ones physical body will often stand out the most and this is because it is highly visible. When it comes to ones emotional body, it can be easy to ignore the need for boundaries here; especially is one is out of touch with their emotions. Intellectual boundaries are also similar, as people are rarely taught to questions what they believe or disbelieve; so one might not even consider the need to have them. And when it relates to the area of what one believes about life and the universe, one might have been brought up around people or in a society that had a certain outlook. It is then something that they just go along with; regardless of it is truly fits them or not. Missing Boundaries When boundaries are missing in each of these four areas, one is going to have to do use others means as a way to protect themselves. This will generally happen unconsciously and won’t be something they consciously think about doing. And although they might change how they behave, in most cases they will have a pattern of being a certain way. This can change depending on the context though. Physical Although physical and emotional boundaries are different, they are also the same in some ways. For example, if someone gets to close to them, they will go into their personal space and one will ‘feel’ that they have been violated or compromised. However, this generally relates to others getting to close to someone and touching them when or where it is not appropriate. So when one experiences this challenge on a regular basis, they are going to chose one of two options. They could both build walls around them and therefore isolate themselves from others. In this case they would be retreating and this would be a more feminine approach. Or they could go the other way and go into other people’s personal space. This would be an attack and a more masculine way of doing things. Emotional To feel emotional wide open is going to make one feel vulnerable when they are in certain situations or as a way of life. And this could be due to other people getting to close to them and compromising their physical boundaries, but this doesn’t have to be the case. As other people could just say something, act in a certain way or just look at them and this could be enough to make them feel unsafe. Or one might just feel unsafe no matter what is going on externally. In this case, one could retract from others and hide. What is also likely to happen is that one will become either anxious or angry. If they retract and don’t feel safe in any way, then anxiety is what they will become familiar with. And if they go towards others and feel reasonably safe, they will come across as angry. This could also cause someone to armour their body by gaining weight or muscle or one could end up staying slim and find it hard to gain weight. Whatever their body does will be the result of what feels safe. Intellectual Through the arrival of the internet, a lot of information is available, and this means that one needs to monitor what they let in and what they don’t. But when one doesn’t have a strong filter here and the ability to let in information and to stop information from coming in, they are going to have two choices. Either they will block out all information and not let anything enter their mind or they will try and force what they know onto other people. This is done to stop others from telling them anything and it protects their intellectual instability. Spiritual This is something that can include the intellectual, emotional and the physical. As what one believes about life and the universe is likely to be a combination of thought, emotion and sensation. So when one doesn’t feel comfortable in this area of their life, they could end up covering up and hiding this part of themselves. Or they could become a preacher and someone who tells other people what they should or shouldn’t believe. With them acting as if they have a direct connection to the universe or god and they are the only ones actually who know. Boundaries The ideal is for one to have strong and healthy boundaries in each of these areas. And this will enable them to experience closer connections to others, intimacy and to allow new information into their life for instance. And while each of these areas can seem separate, they all have an emotional component. This is because we are emotional beings and when one feels emotionally whole and centred, the other areas will follow suit. Awareness If one has boundaries problems, there is a high chance that they have trapped emotions in their body. If this is the case, these will need to be faced and released. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Another option would be for one to read up on this area and to find out what it means to have boundaries. One could also look for people who have them and then model their behaviour.
There is something that just about everyone wants, and that is to feel good. It plays a big part in what someone does and doesn’t do. This can relate to one feeling emotionally centred and at ease internally and/or through having a heightened sense of wellbeing because of what is taking place externally. In the first example, it is likely that one will feel good because of what is going on internally and yet as we are interdependent, external events are also likely to play a part. When it is due to the second example, one may feel good about their life in general or have the experience because of a certain occurrence. And it won’t necessarily be due to what is taking place internally. But if one feels a deep sense of unhappiness within, then it is going to be challenge to feel good. It won’t matter what is going on externally and where one is in the world or what they are doing. How they on the inside might be pushed to one side for a while, but it is unlikely to just disappear. Options There are common options for people to choose from when they don’t feel good and some of these are fairly functional and others can be dysfunctional if they are relied upon. Things like alcohol, drugs, food and sex, are recognised as being used to alter how one feels. If these were used from time to time, excluding drugs, it is probably not going to cause too many problems. To use these in excess is going to lead to the creation of further problems and one could end up feeling even worse. Exercise Engaging in some kind of exercise every now and then is good way to alter how one feels. One will get fitter, change how they look and the chemicals in their brain will also change. So there are many levels to this and one can benefit in many ways. However, exercise is only going to get one so far and this could become another form of avoidance. Once they have stopped working out or doing a certain exercise, they are likely to soon return to how they were. Diet Another approach would be for one to change what they are eating and to get the right nutrients into their body. This may also involve taking certain vitamins and minerals as a way to supplement what they are eating. And as today’s food is not as good as it used to be, in terms of nutritional value, there is a strong chance that one is lacking something. So to eat or to take the right things is going to change how one feels. It might not be enough though. Drugs There are drugs that one can use to alter their state that are classed as legal and others that are seen as illegal. The illegal drugs that people use have been around for years and although their name may change, the drug itself rarely does. Anti depressants are commonly used to treat people who have emotional problems. The trouble with these is that they don’t actually deal with anything and can cause one to be completely cut of from how they feel. So they could end up like a zombie and completely out of touch with themselves. Or they could end up coming across as always happy and inauthentic; so their depressed, but their happy about it. Low When someone feels down or low, this could be an experience that they have always had or it could have been something that has recently come about. If one has always experienced life this way, then they are not going to know what it is like to experience life in another way. But if one felt fine before or only had moments of feeling bad and then they end up feeling low as a way of life, they are going to be able to see that there is another way. And this could give them hope and the conviction that they can return to how they were once again. Trapped Emotions Now, there could be all kinds of reasons as to why one doesn’t feel good and one of these reasons is due to trapped emotions. There will be two levels to this; not only will one feel different as a result of having them stuck in their body, their body will also respond differently. It could be said that as their body is responding differently, one will feel different. And while this is true, it can also be the other way around; with how one feels shaping what is going on in their body. The Body It might seem inaccurate to mention the body and not the mind, especially as the mind is meant to be in charge of how one feels. But while the mind has generally been seen as the organ that affects how one feels, recent evidence has shown that this is not actually the case. It is what is going on in ones stomach that is defining how one feels and not what is going on in their heads; what is happening is one’s mind is often the result of what is going on in their stomach. It has been said that over ninety percent of serotonin and over fifty percent of dopamine is made in the stomach. So this means that one can change their thoughts and ‘think positive’, but if their stomach is not in order, it might not make any difference. Emotions And while emotions can be held all over the body, the most important area, and the one that will define how one feels, will be just above the stomach. This is sometimes called the enteric brain, the ego, or the reptilian complex. In the heart can be loss, abandonment grief, betrayal and rejection and these will need to be dealt with. And yet these will be on top of what is happening just above ones stomach. In this area can be the following feelings: powerlessness, hopelessness, loss of control and death. Disruption What these trapped emotions will do is disrupt the body and stop it from functioning as it should. And when that happens, how one feels is going to change. These trapped emotions could relate to what has happened in their adult years and go back to when they were a baby and a child. So one may have forgotten about what happened and yet the emotional experiences have stayed inside their body. Awareness These trapped emotions will need to be released and then one can see if this is the reason why they feel as they do. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer who will allow one to face them and gradually release them. This could a while though, as if one has disconnected from their body and lives in the head; it is going to take some time to reconnect.
When it comes to the words that someone uses, there is the potential for one to cover up what is really going on. Here, one can say what they think they should be saying or what sounds right. And while another person can take this as the truth, it could be just a half truth or a complete fabrication. This is why it is important for one to look at what else this person is communicating. And one of the biggest sources of information is what their body is giving off. While this can be manipulated just like words can be to cover up what is taking place, it is a lot harder to do. Unconscious Communication While the mind can be monitored and kept under control, the body is a lot harder to control and this is because it has a mind of its own. Another name for the body is the unconscious mind and body language often goes on unconsciously. And people generally read body language unconsciously as well. Meaning that their mind may have one idea about someone and their body or intuition could have something else to tell them. Vital So as body language plays massive role in how one comes across, it is going to be a vital element in understanding what another person is saying. It is also going to be important for one to be aware what their body language is, in order to come across as they want to and to make the right impression. Focus The next logical step would then be for one to place their attention on their body. To become aware of what their body is doing during certain satiations and how different environments affect them. And as there are plenty of books available on this subject, it is not going to take too much effort to understand body language. Although one may have been unaware of how their body has been reacting for their whole life, it’s not as if they are trying to understand a foreign language. So within a short amount of time, big improvements can be made. At first it is going to seem strange and as time goes by, it will be lot easier and then it will become natural and something they don’t even need to think about. Mind Over Body This is a clear example of the mind controlling the body. And if the body is causing one to come across as closed, submissive, nervous or shy, then this is going to be seen as the right thing to do. What it can also lead to is one overlooking the reasons as to why their body is responding as it does. These reactions could be seen as insignificant and that one just needs to force their body to change. Results To simple change one’s body language is going to cause one to come across differently, that can’t be denied. And as a result of this, other people are generally going to respond to them differently. For some people this will be enough and before long it will feel congruent. And yet for others, changing what their body does won’t make much of a difference. For example, some people may find that their whole life has been transformed, as well as their relationships. Other people may find that their life hasn’t really changed and that how they truly feel is just being covered up and repressed. So on the outside they might look the part or they could come across as incongruent and yet on the inside they feel like a fraud. The Solution Through taking on another person’s advice or through their own conclusions, one could just carry on with what they are doing; with the belief that they will feel different through repetition and that others will soon recognise this difference. Another option would be for one to get in touch with their body and to see why it reacts as it does. One is likely to see that there are certain patterns in regards to how their body responds around people. Examples So one could find that they close up when they are around the opposite sex or just when anyone gets too close to them. Being around big groups of people or when one is in public could also have the same affect. Trapped Emotions The reasons one’s body is responding in these ways is not necessarily because of what is taking place externally, but because of how one’s mind is interpreting what is taking place. And what is taking place externally, is then triggering certain emotions internally. So though one feeling as they do, their body is then doing what feels comfortable. If one feels vulnerable or fearful, then they are naturally going to cross their arms for instance. These emotions could have been trapped in their body for many years. And what these present day circumstances are doing is reminding them of what happened all those years ago. Their mind may have forgotten all about what happened, but their body remembers. Postures One could find that their head is generally tipped forward or that their shoulders are rounded. Now, one approach would be to lift their head and to push their shoulders back. But, what this doesn’t do is look at why their body is doing this. And the reason they do this could be to protect their heart. Not only does the heart have a physical use, it is also where feelings of grief, sadness, loss, rejection and abandonment are held. So if one were to be carrying trapped emotions there, then having a closed posture would be normal and feel ’comfortable’. Awareness When one does have trapped emotions in their body, they will need to be released. And as this happens, one will find that their body language changes naturally. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist, healer or a trusted friend.
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Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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