If one was to use social media, not only could they see what their ‘friends’ have been doing; they could also see what certain celebrities have been doing. What this comes down to is that their news feed is going to be filled with updates from people they now and from people they don’t know.
However, even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that one will also see it this way. Instead, they feel as close to their ‘friends’ as they do to the celebrities that they are following. One Difference One of the primary differences here is that one is more likely to hear from their ‘friends’ than they are from celebrities. For example, if one was to leave a comment on something a ‘friend’ has shared, there is a strong chance that they will get a reply. Whereas if they were to leave a comment on something that a celebrity has shared, it is highly unlikely that they will get a response. Now, this is not to say that they are not exceptions, but this is going to be what generally takes place. Confusion It might then be hard for someone to understand how one can feel close to someone who doesn’t even talk to them. What this comes down to is that it is not always necessary for one to know someone in order to feel as though they know them. The only thing they may need is to find out about someone’s life, and through doing this, they can end up feeling close to them. In the past, one could have this experience as a result of seeing a celebrity on TV, seeing them in a magazine and or meeting them in person. Today’s World Nowadays, the only thing they need to do is to use social media and this is because it is easy for a celebrity to share their life online. One can then read about what they have to say and they can see what they have been doing through looking at their pictures; they may even get the chance to see them in videos. Through being exposed to what they share, they can feel as though they have a relationship with them. One can then come to believe that the relationships they have with these celebrities are as important as the relationships that they have with their ‘friends’. Most Important However, regardless of how close one might feel to a celebrity, it could be said that the relationships that they have with their ‘friends’ online are going to be more important. This comes down to the fact that they should know them and as they know them, they should hear back from them. To receive a message or a comment from one of their ‘friends’ is likely to be far more fulfilling than if they were just to leave a comment on a celebrities status and not hear back, for instance. Also, if they are ‘friends’ with the person that they are talking to, they are likely to know who they are. An Illusion On one hand, the kind of relationship one has with a celebrity is not going to be real, and on the other hand, the idea that they have of them might not match up with who they are. So although they can feel as though they know them, this could be nothing more than an illusion. Therefore, although this kind of relationship might make them feel good, for instance, it is not going to be enough replace the kind of interactions that they would have with their ‘friends’. It could be said that this is pretty obvious, but what is not as obvious is how the kind of connection one has with their ‘friends’ online is also not a replacement for real life relationships. A Replacement When this happens, one could find that their primary relationships are with people that they talk to online. These could be people they know form the real world and at the same time, they could be people who they have not even met before. This is not to say that they won’t have people in the real world who they talk to, but what it can mean is that the kind of relationships they do have are not very fulfilling. They could find that they don’t open up to them and that they only talk about trivial matters. False Intimacy A lot of time and attention is then going to be going towards the people that they talk to online and while they may talk to these people without opening up, this might not be the case. They could find that they talk about what has been going on in their life and how they feel about certain things. In this sense, they are opening up about their feelings and it could then be said that they are being intimate with their online ‘friends’. But regardless of what they say, they are still behind a screen and as a result of this; they are not going to be experiencing true intimacy. Real Relationships When one is with another person and they open up about what is going on in their life and about how they feel, they are going to have the chance to experience intimacy. They will be in the other person’s presence and through being in their presence; they are likely to feel better. Along with this, they will be able to experience eye contact and human touch, and this is going to be far fulfilling that it would be if they were stuck behind a screen. What this comes down to is that human beings are interdependent; they need other people to survive and thrive. Conclusion It can feel a lot safer being behind a screen, but what it won’t allow one to do is to fulfil their need to connect to another people. So if one is in this position, it is going to be important for them to spend less time taking to their ‘friends’ on social media and more time talking to people in the real world. This is not to say that one needs to do this by themselves, as it might be necessary for them to reach out for support. They might need to learn about relationships and it may be important for them to work with a therapist; it can all depend on their circumstances.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
0 Comments
If someone was asked about how social media benefits their life, they may say that it allows them to connect to others. This is likely to be the kind of answer that a lot of people would give them.
And as it is so easy to connect with other people through using it, it is to be expected that this will be a common response. It no longer matters if their ‘friends’ live down the road, or if they live on the other side of the planet. Direct One way for them to connect to a ‘friend’ is through sending them a private message and not only can they use words, they can also send pictures and videos, for instance. Therefore, if they feel that words are not enough, they have plenty of other ways to get their point across. And if they have other things to do, they can leave the conversion and come back to it later; it is not going to disappear. In this case, it can mean that they could have a conversation with someone that doesn’t really end. Indirect However, one doesn’t need to have a private conversation with someone in order to stay in touch with them; the only thing they need to do is to see what they share. They can then ‘like’ and/or leave a comment on what they see. Through being exposed to what another person shares, one can come to believe that they know what is going on in their life. Thus, they might not always feel the need to send them a private message in order to find out about what they have been doing. Less Effort It is also going to take a lot less time and effort for one to share a status than it would be for them to send a load of private messages. If one was in the real world, it could be seen as the equivalent of them talking to a group of people as opposed to just one person. The upside is that this will be a lot easier, but the down side is that there could be people who don’t see what they share. Whereas if they were with these people, there is a strong chance that they would hear what one had to say. A Busy World While being with their ‘friends’ in person could be seen as the ideal, it is going to be lot harder for them to make this happen. For one thing, they could in another country, and if they are not, they could have other plans. What this partly comes down to is how busy people are in today’s world and this is another reason why social media is so useful. Even if one is doing something, it might still be possible for them to reply to a comment or to send a private message, for instance. It’s good to Connect When one connects to others, it is likely to have a positive effect on their well-being, and this partly comes down to the fact that human beings are social animals. And even though one is behind a screen and not actually being social, their brain can still have a similar response. Through having this response, it is going to cause them to have a certain inner experience and this can then cause them to feel good. So regardless of the fact that they are behind a screen, they can still feel how they would feel if they were with another person. Balance However, even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that the interactions one has online can replace real world interactions. This is why it has been said that social media is not meant to substitute face-to-face interactions. The experience that one will have with a friend in the real world is going to be far more fulfilling than the experience that they would have with them over a screen. In the real world, they will be in each other’s presence, and this means they will be able to experience eye contact and human touch. Emotional State What this shows is that using social media will not only allow one to connect to their ‘friends’, it will also allow them to change their emotional state. As a result of this, it can also mean that one will have moments where they will only use social media in order to feel better. This could then cause them to share a video or a picture, for instance, and it could only be a matter of time before they begin to feel different. When this happens, their main priority will be to receive positive responses from other people. Now And Then If this was something that was to take place on the odd occasion, it might not have much of an effect on their life. Yet if this was the only way for them to feel good about themselves, they could end up being emotionally dependent on social media. So unless they are able to use it, they could end up having withdrawal symptoms and this is to be expected. Social media is then like a drug that one needs in order to regulate their emotions. Stepping back It would be easy to blame social media here, but that wouldn’t take into account the reason as to why one ended up in this position to begin with. This could be a sign that they are unable to regulate their own emotions. Through not having this ability, it can then be normal for them to reach for their device whenever they feel anxious or down. Based on this, social media could be seen as an adult’s version of a dummy or a blanket. Conclusion If one is in a position where they are unable to regulate their emotions, it might be necessary for them to reach out for support. It might be possible for them to develop this ability with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ Entitlement Mentality: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Have An Entitlement Mentality?1/1/2016
If someone had the desire to attain something, they could look into what they need to do in order to get it and then could they take action. Alternatively, they could think about what they want and instead of taking action, they could expect someone to give it to them.
It could be said that there is a greater chance of the first person experiencing success, and this is because they are taking action. Whereas if one was to expect something to simply show up, it is going to be a lot harder for them to experience success, and this is primarily because they are not doing anything. The First Person When one believes that things don’t just happen and that they need to take action, there is the chance that they have been with way for quiet some time. If this is not the case, then somewhere along the line they learned that they have to play their part in life. This is not to say that they will always get what they want, but what it will generally mean is that they will have worked for what they have. Through putting in this work, it is likely to mean that they will have a greater appreciation for what they have. Appreciation If, on the other hand, they had been given what they have, it might be normal for them to take what they have for granted. But based on what they have done to attain what they have, they are likely to know its value. Therefore, regardless of whether it took them a while to attain something or not, they may still treat it with respect. They could also believe that they are paying their part on this earth and this could fill them with a sense of satisfaction. The Second Person When one believes that they shouldn’t take action and that what they want should just be handed to them, they may also have been this way for quite some time. If one is in this position, then it is likely to be a sign that one believes that this is the way that life works. Now, although this could mean that they rarely get what they want, this might not be the case. But even if they do get what they want, they might not have the same level of appreciation for what they have. Taken For Granted If one was to take what they have for granted, it could be because they believe that they are entitled to it. It is then not as if they are being given anything; they are simply getting what they deserve. As a result of this, it might not matter whether something costs a small amount of money or large amount of money. Along with this, they might not believe that they have a part to play in the world, and what could bring them a sense of satisfaction is when they are given things. Different Degrees However, although there are going to be some people who believe that they should be given everything, there are going to be others who have a different outlook. They could believe that while they have to work for some things, there should be others things that should be given to them. This could mean that if one was to come across them in certain environments, they might not see that they have an entitlement mentality. Yet if they were to see them in other environments, it might be easy for them to notice The Provider If they were to think about who is going to give them things, they may start to think about their family and/or the government. Also, they may also believe that the person they are in a relationship with should also play a part, and if they are not in one, they might expect this to happen if they were. When one is in a position where they are given what they want by these sources, they are unlikely to feel the need to change their behaviour. In fact, the people around them could validate their belief that they are entitled to have whatever they want. Today’s World As to how much they receive without needing to do anything can depend on a number of different factors. Their social standing can play a part here and how wealthy their family are will also make a difference; their physical appearance can also have an effect. But even if one doesn’t hold a high position in society or have a wealthy family, for instance, it doesn’t mean that they won’t be given things. This is primarily because people are often told by society that they are entitled to certain things. Control It could be said that the reason why society encourages people to have an entitlement mentality is that it makes it easier to control people. When people rely on the government to give them things, they are dependent on the system, and this means they have less control. Yet when people believe that they have to work for what they have, they are not going to expect the government to do as much for them. As a result of this, the government won’t have as much influence and it will be a lot easier for people to have more control over their lives. Childhood What happens during one’s childhood years can also have an effect, and while childhood neglect can play a part, it can also be a sign that one was given everything they wanted. At this age, they would have been entitled to have their developmental needs met, and if their needs were not met, it is going to be normal for them to be mentally and emotionally undeveloped. Through being neglected, it is to be expected that they will have an entitlement mentality, and this is because they will still feel like a powerless child. If they were always given what they wanted, they can then expect the world to respond to them in the same way. On one hand, they were not neglected, but on the other hand, they didn’t receive the guidance that they needed in order to function in the world. Their upbringing would have set them up to have unrealistic expectations. Awareness When one was neglected, they may need to grieve their unmet childhood needs, and through doing this, it might be possible for them to develop their personal power. If one wasn’t given the right guidance, they may also have unmet needs to grieve, and this may then allow them to gradually face reality. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If someone had first started playing a certain sport when they were a child, there is the chance that they would end up being fairly competent as an adult. During their adult years, they could then go onto become a professional sportsman, or it may mean that they teach what they have learned to others.
Through having this ability, it would be normal for one to believe that they are better than a lot of people when it comes to this sport. Along with this, there are likely to be a number of other people who also have the same outlook. Reality The primary reason it would be normal for them to have this outlook is because what they believe reflects reality. And as to how many people have the same outlook can depend on a number of different factors. If they were a professional in their chosen sport, there is the chance that thousands or even millions of people will know how good they are. Whereas if they were in a position where they only taught others during their spare time, they are unlikely to have the same amount of exposure. Down To Earth When people meet them, they could say that they are down to earth and just like anyone else. In this case, it is going to show that they haven’t let their talent go to their, so to speak. One way of looking at this would be to say that that they haven’t lost touch with their humanity. No matter how good they, they are still human and this means that they are no better or worse than anyone else. Alternately However, at the same time, they could also come across as though they are better than other people. They could believe that the reason they can do things that other people can’t do is because they are inherently superior. It could then be said that they have lost touch with their own humanity and it could be normal for them to see themselves as perfect. But due to what they can do, it may mean that some people are able to overlook their behaviour. Lost Touch They appreciate what they do, so it is then possible for them to tolerate them; they may also end up justifying their behaviour. Through being caught up with how good they are, they could end up being oblivious to the fact that the other person has lost touch with reality. So if they were to come across people who were able to see what the other person was like, one might end up defending them. This could be a sign that they have idealised the other person. Other Areas However, while someone can believe that they are better than others through being good at a certain sport; they can also have this outlook without having any kind of sporting ability. As opposed to having this ability, they could be good at dancing, singing and/or acting, or they could be seen as physically attractive, among other things. Through having one of these aspects or a number of them, they could act as though they are superior to others. Their outlook could also be validated by the society they live in, and one way this takes place is via the mainstream media. The Media In today’s world, the media gives a lot of exposure to so-called celebrities, and while some of these people have achieved something significant, a lot of them haven’t. Yet regardless of this, these people are often put on a pedestal. It can be normal for people to believe that actors and singers, for instance, are better than other people and along with this, they can also have the same outlook when it comes to people who are described as being ‘physically attractive’. And while some of these celebrities are not going to be caught up in all this; there are going to be some who are. Conditioning So through being exposed to what the mainstream media covers, one can end up having their sense of superiority validated. For example, if one believes that their appearance makes them better than others, the only need to read a magazine or to read a paper online. Yet it would be inaccurate to say that the media is to blame here, as there is often far more to it. For one thing, it is often what takes place during one’s childhood years that has the biggest impact on them. In The Beginning How they are treated during this time is going to have a big effect on how they see themselves. If one was abused as a child, they can end up feeling completely worthless and as a way to deal with this pain; they can end up going to the other extreme. What can also create a sense of superiority is when one was treated as though they were better than others during their early years. This is not to say that they won’t have had moments where they were treated badly; what it means is that this may have been the exception as opposed to the rule. Falsely Empowered Although this would mean that they one wouldn’t have ended up feeling worthless, it is still going to set them up to experience problems as time goes by. Through being treated in this way, they are going to be falsely empowered. The first person who is primarily abused will lose touch with their healthy shame in order to feel good about themselves and the second person will also lose touch with their healthy shame as a result of being treated as though they are more-than human. Therefore, even though each person can have a radically different experience during their formative years, they can both end up developing the same outlook. Awareness In order for one to come back down to earth and to realise they are no better or worse than others, it will be important for them to get back in touch with their healthy shame. This could be a time where they will need to process toxic shame, as well as other emotions. The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|