In the past, someone could follow a celebrity through watching TV, buying a magazine and/or through reading a paper, for instance. If they were an actor or an actress, they could also watch their films, or if they were a musician, they would also be able to listen to their music.
Today’s World Nowadays, it is a lot easier for someone to follow a celebrity and this is primarily due to social media. The only thing they need to do is to ‘like’ their page or to follow them, for instance, and they will be able to stay up to date with what they have been doing. Yet even if they find that a celebrity doesn’t use social media, they can use a search engine to find out about them. Through doing a search on their name, they could come across a number of articles that cover what they have been doing. Hidden As they can find out about a celebrity online, it is going to be possible for them to follow them without anyone else knowing. Therefore, they don’t need to worry about what other people think. It can be a part of their life that they keep to themselves, and if they felt as though someone else would support them, they could reveal more. Having said that, someone might not feel the need to keep this hidden and they may want to share this part of their life with others. Social Media If they use social media, this is something that can take place through them sharing stories about the celebrities that they follow. But without even doing this, they can ‘like’ and ‘follow’ as many celebrities as they want. They may even find that a number of their ‘friends’ and ‘followers’ also appreciate the same people as they do. There is then the chance that they could talk to these people about them and it could have a positive effect on their relationships. Appreciation When one focuses on a certain celebrity, they could start to think about how they admire what they do. If they were to ask themselves why this is the case, they might think about how confident they are, how good they look and the level of popularity they have, among other things. They may also have a certain ability that they are developing or would love to develop. One could see them as a role model and this means that they are having positive effect on their life. Time to Time If they were to think about how often they think about these kinds of people, they may find that it is something that takes place from time to time. They could find that they start to think about them when they are looking for inspiration. Or this might be something that happens after they have seen them in a film or listened to one of their songs, for instance. It is then not something that ends up consuming their whole existence. Another Experience However, while it could be said that they are not out of balance, there are going to be other people who could be seen as being out of balance. The reason for this is that they will be in a position where they are obsessed with a certain celebrity or a number of them. As a result of this, they are not going to think about them from time to time; they will find that they rarely think about anything else. It can then be normal for them to neglect their own life and this can lead to further problems. Unfulfilled This can be a sign that their own life is not very fulfilling, and when they look at how a certain celebrity experiences life, they can wonder what it would be like to experience life in the dame way. They could believe that a celebrity is perfect and that they lead the perfect life. It could be said that one reason why one would come to this conclusion is because there is the chance that they do lead a good life. What will also make a difference is that they are likely to have people around them who will do everything they can to make sure they come across in the right way. Another Reason What can also play a part here is that one is likely to be projecting parts of themselves onto them. So the parts that they would like to develop end up being projected onto a celebrity. In this sense, one is not seeing a celebrity; they are simply seeing their own reflection. Also, if one is not living a very fulfilling life and is then experiencing life from one side of the spectrum, they can end up believing that a celebrity is living a fulfilling life and that they are experiencing life from the other side of the spectrum. Idealisation But while they may have moments where they feel good, it doesn’t mean they always feel this way; after all, they are still human beings. It might be more accurate to say that although a celebrity has moments where they experience life from the other side of the spectrum; this is not how they always experience life. For example, they will age like everyone else on this planet and they will also lose people in life. So no matter what they do or how much they earn, they are still going to experience pain like everyone else. Worthless When one finds that their thoughts are consumed by a celebrity, it could be said that they need settle their mind down. They could also look into how they feel, as what is taking place in their mind could be a way for them to avoid how they feel. Their busy mind could then be seen as a defence mechanism that stops them form experiencing the pain in their body. If they were to get in touch with how they feel, they may find that they feel worthless. Two Extremes All the time they think about a celebrity, they will be able to avoid how they feel; whereas if they were to stop thinking about them, they might soon come crashing down. So unless they start to feel different in their body, it might not be possible for them to settle their mind down. When one feels worthless, it can be a sign that they are carrying toxic shame and this can be the result some kind of abuse and/or neglect. Awareness If one wants to experience life differently, it will be important for them to process the emotions that are trapped in their body. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group. They can also provide one with the positive regard that they need in order for them to realise their inherent value.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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For some people, social media is a way to stay in touch with friends and family. It allows them to get in touch with them personally and they can see what they have been doing by looking through their profile.
Along with this, they can look through their news feed and this will also give them an idea about what their friends and family have been doing. This may mean that they share things from time to time. Feedback This could be because they like something and want to show other people, and it could also be a chance for them to let other people know what they have been doing. It could then be said that their priority is to inform the people they know as opposed to receiving ‘likes’ and comments. If they do have the need to receive these things, it could be because they want to know that people have seen what they have shared. In this case, the ‘likes’ and comments that they receive will be taken as a sign that other people have seen their updates. A Small Part This is likely to be a sign that social media is a small part of their life and not something that they use in order to change how they feel about themselves, for instance. However, this is not to say that they won’t feel better through using it, as this is something that could take place. After sharing a few pictures, for instance, one might get a few ‘likes’ and this is likely to have a positive effect on their well-being. And as they know the people who have ‘liked’ what they have shared, it can have an ever greater impact on them. Comparison But no matter how many ‘likes’ or comments they receive, there is a strong chance that there are other people who have had a different response from others. On one side, this could mean that they will see that other people have had more ‘likes’ and comments, and on the other side, they could see that they haven’t had as many ‘likes’ and comments. Yet as they are only sharing things because they like them or because they want to show other people what they have been doing, this is something that is unlikely to bother them. If it does, it could be an inner experience that soon passes. Self-Worth When someone behaves in this way, it could be said that they have developed their own self-worth, and this then stops them from getting caught up in what happens online. Another way of looking at this would be to say that their value as a human being is not defined by how people respond to them online. This is likely to mean that they have a number of relationships in the real world that are fulfilling and they could also be in a position where they have a fulfilling life. But while social media can be used in this way, it can also be used in other ways. Another Way There are other people who are more concerned with getting ‘likes’ and comments than they are with connecting to the people they know. Along with this, they will also want to get as many ‘friends’ and followers as they can. In this sense, it could be said that social media is a vital part of their life and not just a way for them to stay in touch with friends and family. Their sense of self could be defined by what happens online as opposed to what happens in the real world. Up or Down So how they feel about themselves is likely to be defined by the amount of ‘friends’ and followers they have and by how many people respond to them online. Yet just because what happens online will allow them to feel good at one point in time, it doesn’t mean that this will be the case as time passes. They could find that they have moments where they don’t feel good and in order to feel as they did before; they need to have a bigger audience and/or for more people to respond to them. While this could be put down to the fact that they have simply got used to how things are and need things to change in order to feel different; it could also be due to the fact that they have been looking at other peoples profiles. Two Sides If they were to come across people who don’t have as many ‘friends’ and followers or who don’t get as many responses as they do, they might end up feeling good about themselves. But if they were to come across people who have more ‘friends’ and followers or who had more responses than them, they could end up feeling completely worthless. This means that they can end up feeling as though they are above others, or they can feel as though they are below others. Therefore, other people are not their fellow human beings; they are people who they have to rise above. Competition One way of looking at this would be to say that they see social media as a competitive environment and in this environment, their value depends on how many ‘friends’ and followers they have, as well as how many ‘likes’ they get. And through having this outlook, they can also judge other people in the same way. So if they have more ‘friends’ or get more ‘likes’ than other people, they can believe that they are more popular than others. This could be seen as the ultimate achievement in life, and they might not be interested in achieving anything else. Conclusion It could be said that while one might feel good through experiencing life in this way, it is unlikely to lead to a very fulfilling existence. If one only feels good about themselves when they are more popular than other people online, it can be a sign that they need to take a step back and to develop other areas of their life. This could also be a sign that they need to develop their own self-worth and this is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
There are many reasons why someone would use social media, and one reason they can use it is to change how they feel. This could be something that takes place through uploading an image or it could occur through sharing a status.
Instant Response It may only be a matter of seconds before they hear back from their ‘friends’ and through hearing back, their emotional state is likely to change. Along with this, their thoughts are also likely to alter. One way of looking at this would be to say that social media is like a button that one can press in order change how they feel. If they have a small device, like a Smartphone, for instance, this button is never going to be too far away from them. The Priority Their main priority could be to hear back from as many people as they can, and this can then mean that it won’t matter who they are. Therefore, it might not matter whether or not they know the people who respond. In this case, they could be people they are close to in the real world, as well as the people they have only met a few times. Along with this, they could also be people that they have never met before. A Momentary Shift However, once they have shared something on social media, they may find that they soon end up feeling like they did before. As a result of this, it might not be long before they are end up sharing something else. If this is something that takes place on a regular basis, it could cause some on of their ‘friends’ to see them as attention seekers. Yet this can depend on a number of different factors. Age For example, if one is under a certain age and they have been brought up with social media, a lot of their ‘friends’ could also be in the same position. Thus, they might not notice what is taking place and this is because they could be doing the same thing. In their eyes, sharing things on a consistent basis could be seen as a normal part of using social media. For their generation, social media is not just something to use form time to time; it is a vital part of their existence. A Different Experience If, on the other hand, they are able to share something and they are able to maintain thteir new emotional state, it could be a while before they feel the need to share anything else. There is also the chance that the reason they are able to maintain it is because they continue to receive responses from others. But as it is so easy for them to share things on social media, it might not matter whether they are able to maintain how they feel. This is something that can take place through them staying where they are and they will only need to touch a screen. The Reason There can be a number of reasons as to why one would be in a position where they don’t feel good. On one hand, this could be because of something that has just happened, and on the other hand, it could be a way of life. If it relates to the former, it could mean that they only share things from time to time; whereas if it relates to the latter, it could mean that they share things on a regular basis. In the first example, one could end up being emotionally dependent on social media for a short period of time, and in the second example, they could always be emotionally dependent on it. A Breakup One may have just experienced a breakup and this could mean that they are in a lot of pain. So through sharing a few pictures, for instance, it might be possible for them to keep their true feelings at bay. Yet through processing how they feel or finding someone else to take the pain away, they might no longer feel the need to share as much. If they were to find someone else, it might not be long until they stop sharing as much. Self-Acceptance Alternatively, one could find it hard to accent themselves and it is then going to be a challenge for them to feel good about themselves. Through sharing things on social media, it is then going to be possible for them to change how they feel. However, if they were to take the time to develop self-acceptance, they might no longer need to share as much. They will accept themselves and this will mean that they won’t need positive feedback from their ‘friends’ on social media in order to feel good about themselves. The Easy Option It could be said that it will be a lot easier for them to take the first option than it would be for them to take the second option. When one shares something, they can end up feeling better more or less straight away. Yet if they were to take the time to develop self-acceptance, they might end up feeling worse before they feel better. For instance, when one doesn’t accept themselves, it can be a sign that they are carrying toxic shame and if they were to face how they feel, it is unlikely to be very pleasant. A Process But as long as they stay with this process, they will gradually begin to feel better about themselves. This is not to say this is the only way to achieve this, as there are a number of ways this can take place. Conclusion If one finds that they always use social media as a way to feel better and they want to change this, it might be necessary for them to reach out for support. This can be a time where they will be looking into what they believe, as well as processing trapped emotions. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group. They can also provide one with the positive regard that they need in order to see themselves differently.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If one had the chance to get something for free, they could either take what they need or they could take as much as they could. Another way of looking at this would be to say that they can act with grace or they can act with greed.
Two Outlooks When one only takes what they need, it could be said that that they are behaving in the right way. Yet if they end up taking more than they need, it could be said that they are taking advantage of the situation. In the first case, one has the ability to think about their own needs and the needs of others; whereas in the second case, this is not something that is taking place. Empathy Through having the ability to empathise, not only will one benefit from what is taking place; it will also allow other people to benefit. In their mind, they could believe that they are in a fortunate position. Therefore, they are not going come to the conclusion that they are entitled to take as much as they want. If they were to take more than they needed, they would probably end up feeling guilty. The Absence When one is unable to put their own needs to one side and to think about other people, it could mean that their behaviour has a negative effect on others. It could then be normal for them to believe that they deserve to take as much as they want. It is then not that they are being given a gift; it is that they are being given what they are entitled to. Through having this outlook, there is not much chance that they will end up feeling guilty. Alternatively But if they were to think about others during this time, they may begin to think about how they would do the same thing. Therefore, even if they didn’t take more than they needed, other people would. Through having this outlook, they can come to believe that they are only doing what other people would do if they had the chance. What this would show is that they are unable to see that not everyone sees life in the same way. Projection So although they are unable to out themselves in another person’s shoes; what they can do is project their perspective onto others. It is then not that they have a certain outlook - it is that everyone has the same outlook as them. This shows that they are completely attached to what it kiang place within them and as a result of this; it is not possible for them to observe their own inner processes. And all the time they continue to be this way, there is not much chance of them experiencing life differently. Everyday Life However, while the above is going to be one example of how someone can take advantage of other peoples goodwill, it is also something that can take place in their day-to-day life. When this happens, it could relate to the people they come into contact with on a regular basis, as well as the people they meet on the odd occasion. These kinds of people could do something for them or offer them something and instead of acting in a respectable manner, they could end up taking advantage of them. And if they don’t do this all the time, it could be something that takes place every now and then. Instant Impact When this is something that happens all the time, someone could up feeling as though they have been used. It could then be normal for them to feel angry or they could end up feeling down. If they are friends with the person who has taken advantage of their kindness, this could be something that they have become accustomed to. It could then be said that that their relationship with the other person is not very healthy. Now And Then However, if this is something that takes place every now and then, it is still going to have a negative effect on their relationships. Yet when they do this to people they rarely see, they might not be around to face the consequences of their actions. It is clear to see that one’s relationships are going to suffer all the time they behave in this way. They could end up in a position where they no longer have any close friends, and the people they take advantage of from time to time could also avoid them. Meaning When one takes advantage of another person’s kindness, it could be said that they see it as a weakness. They may believe that if they were to behave in the same way, someone would end up taking advantage of them. So the only way that they have to protect themselves is to stop themselves from being kind and to take advantage of others. This shows that they are living in the past as opposed to living in the present moment. A Deeper Look There could have been a time in their life where they were taken advantage off and this then set them up to believe that if they don’t take advantage of other people, other people will take advantage of them. While this could have been during their adult years, there is a greater chance that it was during their childhood. Awareness So unless they take the time to look into what took place and then work through the pain that they experienced, they are likely to continue to see life in the same way. If they want to change their life, it may be important for them to reach out for support. This support can come from a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When it comes to buying a new car, someone could go for a car that looks the best or they could take their time and see what car they prefer to drive. If they were only buying a car to put on display, it could be said that the first approach would be the best one to take.
However, as they are buying a car to drive, it could be said that the second approach would be the best one to take. And if they were more concerned with how a car looked as opposed to what is was like to drive it, it is likely to be a sign that they have a strong need for approval. A Certain Standard Yet even if someone was more concerned by what a car looked like, they are unlikely to end up compromising their safety. In today’s world, all cars have to meet certain requirements when it comes to safety. Along with this, car manufactures understand that while people want cars that are safe, they also want cars that are visually appealing. What this shows is that even if someone doesn’t have a high need for approval, they are still likely to want to drive a car that looks good. Relationships Similarly, someone can also have a relationship with someone because of what they look like and it then might not matter what they are like as a person. Or if it does, it is not going to be as important as their appearance. But not only can they be with this person because of how it makes them feel; they can also be with them because of how they will look. Through being with them, it is going to cause other people to see them differently. By Association So in the same way that someone would wear branded clothes in order to be seen in a certain way; they can also have someone in their life in order to create a certain image. In this case, other people will see who they are in a relationship with and this is then going to have an effect on how they see them. For example, other people could end up seeing them as more attractive than they would if they were by themselves or with someone else. They could also give them more value than they may have done and they could see them as being successful. In The Eyes of Others Based on appearances, someone can look as they have it all together, and there could be plenty of people who wish they were in their position. But even if they do have this outlook, it doesn’t mean they will show it. They could cover up how they feel and as a result of this; they could come across as though they are not bothered. This could then be a way for them to stop themselves from getting in touch with how they feel. Appearances However, even though someone can look as though they have it all together it doesn’t mean that this is the case. What this comes down to is that appearances are often deceiving, and if one was to take a closer look, they may find that there is more than meets the eye. The reason they need to be with another person who makes them look good could be because they haven’t got it all together. Thus, the only way they know how to feel good about themselves, is to be with someone who will allow them to disconnect from how they feel. An Object Therefore, even though it can look as though they are in a relationship with another person, this is far from the case. A more accurate assesment would be to say that the other person is nothing more than an object that is there to fulfil their needs. This is not to say that they won’t take care of the other persons needs from time to time, but there is unlikely to be any kind of intimacy involved. But when someone is like this, they are likely to end up with people who are in a similar position. Out of Touch One of the main reasons why they are unlikely to be able to experience intimacy with the people they end up with is because they are likely to be out of touch with their feelings. Their heart could be closed and this then going to stop them from being able to open up emotionally. As a result of this, other people are not going to have the chance to see their true-self; they will only see their false-self. Ultimately, this will be mask they wear to compensate for the fact that they don’t feel good enough. A Closer Look When someone needs to have a relationship with another person who looks good in order to feel good about themselves and they have a closed heart, it is likely to be a sign that they are carrying a lot of pain within them. There is likely to be toxic shame, as well as grief. And the reason they are likely to be carrying this pain is because of what took place during their childhood years. During this time, they may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. The True-Self If someone wants to let go of their false-self and to embrace their true-self, it will be important for them to let go of the pain that is within them and for their inherent worth to be affirmed. As this takes place, they will gradually begin to realise their value and their heart will begin to open. It will then no longer be necessary for them to use others in order to feel valuable and they won’t see them as objects either. This process is unlikely to happen overnight and it will take courage. Awareness This is why the assistance of a therapist and or a support group is likely to be needed. They will give someone the support they need to go where they probably wouldn’t go by themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While there are some people who experience inner conflict from time to time, there are others who experience it far more often. As a result of this, they could find that it is a challenge for them to move forward in life.
Whereas if one experienced this from time to time, they may find that it is still possible for them to make progress. In fact, it could be said that it is a normal part of life to experience conflict from time to time. Choice For example, nowadays there are so many things for one to choose from, and this can relate to just about every are of their life. If one was to go shopping for food, they are likely to see that there are so many options available. Or if they were going through a period in their life where they wanted to embark on a new career, they could soon find that there are plenty of things for them to do. This can also be the case if they were to engage in online dating; with their being hundreds of people to get in contact with. The Modern Day World What these examples show is how different today’s world is. On one hand, one has far more things to choose from than their ancestors ever did, but on the other hand, this has also made their life far more complex than it was before. One is then going to need to use more energy when it comes to deciding what they want or what path they want to take in life. So during the time when they are making a decision, it is going to be normal for them to experience conflict. Relationships Along with this, one is also likely to experience conflict in their relationships, and while this could be over something significant, it could be over something fairly trivial. For instance, one may want to eat Mexican food and their friend might want to eat Italian food. But if both of them are really hungry, it might not be long until a decision has been made. And regardless of where they decide to eat, it is unlikely to have any lasting effects on the relationship. Children A more serious example would be if one was in a relationship with someone who wanted to have children and they were unsure as to whether they were ready. What could add even more pressure is if the person who wanted children was a woman, as they could be in a position where it wasn’t possible for them to wait much longer. Yet it could also be a man and he could also be in a position where he is at a point in his life where he has the energy to have children. And if he was to wait any longer, he may feel as though this wouldn’t be the case. Diet If one had the need to lose weight or to eat healthier, they may find it hard to cut down or to eat the right foods. In this case, part of them may want to do what they usually do and another part will want them to do something different. Not only can the part of them that wants them to carry on as usual make it harder; they can also find that there are plenty of external factors that make it harder for them to stay on track. What this comes down to is that the western world is full of foods that are far from healthy and even though they may want to stick to their diet, it can be hard when they are surrounded by so much junk food, for instance. Another Experience However, when one is unable to make progress in their life due to experiencing inner conflict on a consistent basis, they could be all too familiar with some of the examples above. They could find that there life doesn’t change and that no matter how much they want it to change, it doesn’t happen. This could make them believe that something within them doesn’t want them to grow, and even though this is causing them to suffer, it is not possible for them to do anything about it. But if they were not aware of what is taking place within them, it would be easy for them to believe that other people are holding them back. A Deeper Look If one was to take the time to reflect on what is taking place, they may find that while part of them wants to move forward another part of them wants to hold on. Their body may be the part that wants to move forward and their heart could be the part that doesn’t. In this case, it could be a sign that they are carrying a lot of pain in their chest and if they were to move forward, this pain would come to the surface. So through sabotaging their life, it stops this pain from being released. Trapped Grief When one experiences loss and this can relate to the loss of a loved one or the end of a relationship, they are likely to experience grief. Now, if one was to take the time to grieve and to work through their pain, it wouldn’t need to end up being trapped within their chest and body. However, if they are unable to do this and they end up disconnecting from how they feel, it can end up being trapped in their body. And then as time passes, this part of them is going to create conflict. Protection Their need to protect their heart and to stop this pain from coming to the surface can end up being stronger than their need to move forward. But unless they are aware of what is taking place, it can be normal for them to feel angry, frustrated and even hopeless. Once they realise what is taking place, it might be easier for them to be compassionate towards themselves. It is then not that this part of them is trying to hold them back; it is simply doing what it can do to protect them. Awareness One way to release this grief will be to cry it out and this is something that can take time. If one is unable to do this by themselves, they may need the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
Nowadays, it is no longer necessary for someone to go to another country in order to eat a certain type of food. The only thing they need to do is to go to a populated area and they should soon find what they are looking for.
If they don’t, it may be a sign that they need to go somewhere else, and then before long, they should be able to find the type of food that they want to eat. It could be said that this is part of living in today’s world and it shows how multicultural certain countries have become. Travel In the past, if one wanted to try a certain type of food they would have needed to have visited a different country. Therefore, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to have what they wanted within a short period of time. It would have been necessary for them to wait for a longer period of time, and while they may have been happy to do this; it may also have meant that they had to have something else. In fact, it could be said that they wouldn’t have even known about the kinds of food that they know about today. Another Outcome As it is relatively easy for people to eat food from different cultures without having to leave their country, it can also mean that they have eaten food from country’s they have never been to. So although the kind of setting that they eat the food in could be very different to the setting it originated from, they may not even realise this. On one hand, they may want to go to the country where the food came from, and on the other hand, it might not interest them. When it relates to the former, they are going to enjoy the food and that could be as far as it goes. One Step Further Yet if they were to go to another country and eat the kind of food that they enjoy eating in their own country, they may find that the country has more to offer than just food. This could then end up being one of the best moments in their life and they could soon be thinking about when they will visit again. At the same time, they could visit the country and wonder why they went there to begin with. They could start to think about how the only thing that is good about the country is the food. One part What this comes down is that just because one likes a certain type of food, it doesn’t mean they will like the country where it originated from. This is not to say that they will believe the country is ‘bad’; what it could be that they just don’t feel at home there. In this case, they can stay where they are and continue to eat the food that originated from this country. But if they enjoy their time in the other country, they may even think about moving there. Now And Then If one was to look into how often they eat food from another country, they may find that this is something that takes place every now and then. It is then not going to be a big part of their life. Alternatively, they could find that they eat it far more often and it could then be a big part of their life. If they were asked why they like it, they could end up saying that it tastes really good. Scarce Resources It could be said that this is not much of a surprise and this is because human beings are drawn to things that taste good, and when something tastes good, it is usually due to the fact that it contains sugar, fat and salt. In the past, these were scarce resources but this is no longer the case in today’s world. So while one’s ancestors could trust their taste buds, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they can also trust them. They can then be in a position where they are getting plenty of sugar, fat and salt, but their taste buds can still respond as though they are not getting enough. Too Much This will show that their body is responding to how life was in the past and not how it is today. It can then be normal for them to eat too much sugar, fat and salt, without even realising it. Yet as time passes, they may find that they don’t too feel good, that they have gained too much weight and/or that their health begins to suffer. The manufacturers who make a lot of the food that is available use these ingredients, as they know it will make their food taste good and that it can cause people to be addicted to what they sell. The Taste What this shows then it that just because something tastes good, it doesn’t mean that it is good. A better approach would be for one to look into why something takes good and to see if they are being deceived. If one has trusted their taste buds for most of their life, this is likely to be something that feels unnatural, and this is to be expected. Yet through taking a closer look, one is going to be taking greater care of their own health. Awareness It might be necessary for one to not only read up about nutrition, they may also need to work with someone who has a greater understanding of nutrition. Along with this, one might need to look into what is taking place at an emotional level, as they may find that they eat when they feel down or anxious, for instance. If this is the case, they may need the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
Human beings have always been concerned with their appearance to one degree or another and in today’s world, it could be said that some people have gone from being concerned to being obsessed. This is not to say that this wasn’t the case in the past; what it comes down to is that this is something that far more people experience.
The Media In the past, people would have had to deal with the pressure that the mainstream media created when it came to their appearance, and this was something that primarily effected women. There would have been some people who would have done everything they could to match up with a certain ideal and others who would have done everything they could to resist this pressure. This would not have necessarily meant that they would have neglected their appearance; what it is likely to mean is that didn’t let this external source define their appearance. And although the mainstream media is still having an effect, there is another source that is having a far bigger impact. Social Media While the mainstream media was something that people would have been exposed to from time to time in the past; social media is something that they can be exposed to on a more consistent basis. What this comes down to is that one can carry a device around with them that will allow them to go online at any moment. During someone’s time online, it is still going to be possible for them to be influenced by the media. But what is likely to have a bigger influence on them is what their ‘friends’ share. Pressure As a result of this, the pressure they experience when it comes to their appearance can come from the people they know as opposed to people they don’t know. Through seeing how other people look, someone can then feel the need to create the same appearance. Yet it might not be enough for them to have the same or a similar appearance; they are likely to feel the need to upload what they look like. On one hand, this could mean that they change their profile picture, and on the other hand, it could mean that they end up uploading a number of different pictures. A Routine This could be something that takes place every now and then, or it could be something that takes place on a regular basis. Through doing this, it is to be expected that they would end up spending a lot of time on their appearance. It is then not so much that they need to look good offline; it is that they need to look good online. So just like someone can feel the need to ‘fit in’ in the real world, they can also have same need online. Editing Pictures One way for someone to get the ‘perfect’ pictures will be for them to edit the ones they take, and this means that there is less pressure on them to take a really good picture. They will have all kinds of filters to change their appearance and they will also be able to move any marks that stand out. Through having this ability, it is easy to see how the pictures that someone uploads online might not look anything like them. In the real world, there are going to be certain things that they can do but they are not going to have the same amount of control. One Step Further What this could cause someone to do is to find ways to change their appearance in the real world, and this could mean that they end up having non cosmetic procedures. They may feel the need to remove certain wrinkles or to change the shape of their face, for instance. This could also mean that they end up having Botox and this could become a normal part of their life. Along with this, they may also feel the need to always have a sun tan, and this could mean that they regularly use sun beds or routinely get a fake tan. The Modern Day World So if one does feel the need to always look good online, they are going to be creating a lot of additional pressure for themselves. This also likely to mean that it is a challenge for them to experience inner peace. Instead of being able to ‘live in the moment’, their attention is generally going to be on how they look, and they could then find that they often think about what they could do to look even better. At the same time, they could be focused on what they need to do to maintain the appearance that they have. Resistance Although it is going to be normal for their appearance to change as time passes, they may find that it is even harder for them to accept this. But if their whole identity is based on them looking a certain way, it is to be expected that they will find it harder to grow older. They could believe that if their appearance changes, they will no longer be as value, and that they will no longer receive the same amount of approval, for instance. However, although it would be easy to blame social media, this would overlook the effect that society has as a whole. A Natural Consequence It could be said that when a society is obsessed with appearances, it is only natural for the people who live in that society to question their value as they grow older. What is valued in this kind of society is youth, and instead people being valued no matter how old they are, they are often seen as being irrelevant once they have reached a certain age. Conclusion Clearly, there is nothing wrong with someone looking after their appearance; however, if is ends up becoming an obsession, it is going to create problems. It will be a lot harder for them to enjoy life and for them to accept themselves. If someone finds themselves in this position, it could be a sign that they need to reach out for support, and this could be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While there are some people who have moments when they get angry with the opposite sex, there are others who always feel this way. In this case, it could be said that it would be more appropriate to say that they hate them.
As a result of this, it might not be possible for them to settle down for very long; they could spend a lot of their life in a highly charged emotional state. The people around them could also pick up on the fact that they are rarely at peace. The Environment They may find that they start to experience hate when they are around the opposite sex, and that when they are in their own company or the company of the same sex, they start to settle down. Yet this could also depend on what they think about in their own company and when they are around others, as well as what they talk about around others. This shows that is not going to be something that is black and white and one could be in a position where they are very familiar with this feeling. In fact, it could be a feeling that they experience more than any other feeling. Disconnected However, just because one hates the opposite sex, it doesn’t mean that they are always in touch with how they feel. There is also the chance that they have a greater focus on what they believe about the opposite sex. Therefore, it is not necessarily going to be about how much they hate them; it could come down to how they are superior or how the other gender believes they are superior. So although they could still be in touch with their hate, there are likely to have a greater focus on what is taking place in their head. Evidence Through having these kinds of beliefs, it will then be normal for them to experience things that prove that they are right. Along with this, they will also notice things in life that will validate their outlook. But while they can believe that their experience and what they notice validates what they believe, this is not going to the complete truth. It will simply come down to the fact that human beings see with their mind as opposed to their eyes. Unaware In this sense, they are seeing what they expect to see and unless they realise this, they life is not going to change. Yet in order for them to realise this, they will need to develop their own self-awareness. But all the time they are caught up in how they feel and what is taking place in their head, this is not going to happen. Through having this outlook, they may find that they are always single; however, this might not be the case. Relationships If this is not the case, it could be a sign that they are attracted to the same gender, or they could still end up in relationships with the opposite sex. On one hand, this could mean that they end up with people who they walk over, and on the other hand, they could end up with people who walk all over them. When it relates to the former, the other person’s behaviour could be seen as the reason why they are the superior gender. And when it relates to the latter, the other person’s behaviour could be seen as the reason why the opposite gender is inferior. Support One could be in a position where they have a number of friends who also have the same outlook and this can give them the support they need to hold onto their outlook. These people could have had the same kind of experiences that they have had. Yet even though this could be put down to the fact that they have the same beliefs and therefore create the same reality; it is going to be seen as more evidence. They may also find that it is not enough for them to just talk to their friends about their view of the opposite gender and that they need a bigger audience. The Next Step So if they haven’t already taken this step already, they could end up creating a few videos on what they believe. Along with this, they may even decide to write a book about it. Through doing this, they are likely to find that there are plenty of other people who have the same outlook. But if they come across people who show them that not all men/women, for instance, they could end up ignoring or dismissing what they hear. A Deeper Look If one has a problem with the opposite gender, it could be a sign that there was a time in their life that had a big effect on them. And while this could relate to what has happened during their adult years, it could also go back to their childhood years. Childhood When one hates the opposite sex and often ends up in an inferior position, it could mean that they were abused by their mother/father and/or another male/female. This could have been physical, verbal, emotional and/or sexual abuse. But if one hates the opposite sex and often ends up in a superior position, it can mean that they were brought up by a mother/father and/or men/women who treated men/women with contempt. These early experiences would have given them a dysfunctional view of the opposite gender. Consequences Through being abused, one would then have grown up to believe that all men/women are the same, and unless they question the beliefs that they developed and work through the pain that these experiences caused them, it is not going to be possible for them to experience life differently. As a result of this, they will continue to come into contact with the people who validate with they believe and overlook the people who don’t. If, on the other hand, they were raised in an environment where the opposite gender was treated with contempt, they will also need to question their beliefs and to get back in touch with their healthy shame. For when one disconnects from their healthy shame, it will be normal for them to believe that one gender is superior to the other. Awareness This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group. And while this process may be painful, it will allow one to let go of the illusions that they have created.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
If someone wanted to know about what has been taking place in the world, there is the chance that they would be drawn to a certain channel and/or paper. This is likely to come down to the fact that they trust these sources to provide them with the truth.
Through having this outlook, they could believe that there are other sources that are not to be trusted. This is not to say that they will always overlook everything that these other sources cover, as there may be times when they do listen to what they have to say. The Odd Occasion However, as a rule this is not going to be the case, and it will then be normal for them to generally pay attention to the same source of information. If they were to pay attention to another source, it could be a sign that their usual source of information is not available. For example, it might not be possible for them to receive the channel that they would usually receive and they will then have to watch another channel. Along with this, they may find that the paper they are looking for has run out and so they will have to buy another one. The Reason If they were to ask themselves why they believe that a certain source of information is to be embraced and the others (or most of them) are to be overlooked, they may find it hard to find an answer. At the same time, it might not be very long until they know exactly why they have this outlook. They could say that this is how they have always been and there is then no reason for them to change their mind. It could also be the same source that their family paid attention to and one is then following in their footsteps. Research Alternatively, they could say that they have done their own research, and through looking over a number of different sources, they have come to believe that their source is only source that is reputable. They may say that other sources focus more on entertainment or that they don’t get the facts right, for instance. And when it comes to the mainstream media, it is not hard to see why one would have this outlook. For example, there are certain papers that give a lot of space to so-called celebrities, among other things. First Impressions Therefore, if one wanted to be informed and they hadn’t done any kind of research, it is going to be normal for them to be drawn to some papers and to overlook others. Similarly, if they were to have a number of news channels to choose from, they could also go for the channel that looked professional or had a name that they had heard of before. However, even though first impressions are often seen as being important, it doesn’t mean that they are always a true reflection of something. For one thing, one could soon find that the impression that they had in the beginning soon starts to change as time passes. An Illusion As a result of this, they may find that their impression starts to change as they go through the paper or continue to watch the same channel. They will then come to see that first impressions are often nothing more than an illusion. At the same time, they could find that their impression doesn’t change as they continue to read a paper or to watch a certain channel. In this sense, it could be said that they are paying attention to the ‘right’ news sources. Deception On one hand, this could be the case, but on the other hand, it could be a sign that one is being deceived. What this shows is that while some sources will stand out when it comes to the fact that they are not trying to inform people; there are going to be other sources that won’t. Yet due to how they present themselves, it can be challenge for one to realise that they are being deceived. It is then going to be possible for these sources to manipulate people without them ever realising what is taking place. Divide and Conquer It has been said that the mainstream media is more concerned with telling people what to think than they are with informing them about what is taking place in the world. As a result of this, it could be said that they like to control people. One way to do this is to fill their lives with fear so that they can’t think properly; another way to do this is to divide them. For when they are fighting amongst themselves, they are not going to be able to focus on the real problems. One Area There are, of course, many ways for the mainstream media to divide people, and one of these ways is to divide men and women. Not only does this cause problems between them; it also has a negative effect on society in general. So instead of men and women being able to connect, they can end up coming to believe that the opposite gender is a problem. Now, this is not to say that the mainstream media would do this directly; what it will often do is do this indirectly. Examples One way this can take place is through focusing on a certain type of violence and instead of looking at how this effects both genders, they will only focus on one gender. This can then create the impression that only one gender is involved with this type of violence. Another way is by talking about how men/women do something that is ‘bad’ and instead of saying that this only applies to certain men/women, they will create the impression that all men/women are the same. Conclusion What this shows is how important it is for one to question the mainstream media and not to believe everything that they hear. While this will take more effort, it will make it easier for them to see life with their own eyes.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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