Just as there are some people who experience fear from time to time, there are also some people who experience it on a regular basis. Due to this, their experience on this earth is likely to be radically different.
One way of looking at this would be to say that when it comes to the former, someone will be functioning in the right way. Experiencing life in this way is undoubtedly going to be far better for their health. A Sense of Control Being this way may give one a sense of being in control themselves, with them having the ability to respond to life as opposed to react to it. Thus, if they do experience fear, it will typically be a sign that their life could be under threat. For example, one could be driving and another car could suddenly pull out in front of them, or they could be walking down a dark ally and hear someone running. In these cases, it will be perfectly normal for them to experience fear. Moving On If, however, they didn’t experience anything when something like this happened, it could show that something is wrong with them. Yet, a little after while something like this has occurred, they will soon settle down again. One is then not going to stay stuck in this state of being; they will move away from it and go back to how they were before this incident took place. There will then be a clear difference when it comes to how they feel during a time like this and how they usually feel. A Whole Human Being This would have been a time when part of their brain took over, stopping other parts of their brain from being able to function properly. Now that a few moments have past, the rest of their brain will be able to come back online. One will be able to settle back down in their body, being aware of their thoughts, feelings and sensations. This would have most likely been a time when they were breathing from their chest but now they will be breathing from their stomach. Back In A moment like this is then not going to have much of an impact on their life. What someone like this may also find is that they don’t get drawn into all the dramas that the mainstream media talks about. Getting worked up and being loaded with adrenalin all the time is not going to appeal to them. What will feel comfortable is feeling at peace, which will have a positive effect on their wellbeing and allow them to embrace life. A Different Reality So, when it comes to the latter, and one experiences fear on a regular basis, it could be said that they won’t be functioning in the right way. One is not just going to experience fear during the moments when their life could be under threat, they will experience it even when it isn’t. Through experiencing life in this way, one is rarely, if ever, going to feel as though they have control over their life. It can generally seem as though they are just moments away from being completely annihilated. Offline Both their thinking and emotional brain is likely to spend a lot of time being out of use, with them spending a lot of time being stuck in their survival brain. Breathing from their chest can then be the norm. And while all this is going on within them, there could be very little taking place without. In other words, one could be in a very peaceful environment, away from harm, only to be acting as though their life is under threat. Another Part Along with this, one could end up seeking out things that will reinforce what is taking place within them. For example, they may find that they are drawn to violent newscasts, horror films and people who are dangerous. Therefore, while part of them is not going to want to experience life in this way and will be in a place of resistance, another part of them will do what it can to make sure that it continues. On one level, then, one will want their life to change, but at a deeper level, this will be what feels comfortable. A Bizarre Scenario This can sound totally unbelievable; after all, why would someone crave something that is so destructive? What this comes down to is that the ego mind can end up feeling comfortable with anything. It doesn’t matter whether something is healthy or safe; what matters is if it is familiar, as what is familiar is what is classed as what is safe. Once this is understood, it will be a lot easier to understand why someone would live in a way that is life-denying. A Strong Attachment Perhaps there was a time in one’s life when they lived in an environment that wasn’t safe, yet they might not have been able to do anything about it. For arguments sake, let’s say that this was during their childhood years. Through spending day after day, year after year experiencing fear, this would have gradually become what was familiar and therefore, what felt safe. So, even though it wouldn’t have done them any good, it would have become a big part of who they were. Awareness At a deeper level, no longer experiencing fear is going to be seen as a threat to their survival. But if they have experienced life in this way for so long and it has become part of their identity (how they see themselves), it is not going to be a surprise for them to wonder who they would be if they were to no longer experience so much fear. Taking all this into account, there will be the need for them to resolve the trauma that is within them, and they will need to gradually let go of the identity that they have formed around it. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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What can’t be denied is that no one is their own island; human beings need each other. This is why it has been said that although some people say that they are independent, this is nothing more than an illusion.
Therefore, while it might be hard for them to accept it, it doesn’t change the fact that they are interdependent. When someone can accept this, and doesn’t believe that there is anything wrong with needing others, their life is going to be a lot easier than it would be otherwise. A Small Part While their five senses can create the impression what they are separate from others, they will realise that they are part of a system. So, in the same way that it will take thousands of components for a car to work, there will be many different elements that allow them to live their own life. And, if these elements started to disappear, it would be only too clear how reliant they are on other things. Through accepting that they are interdependent and that they need others, there will be no reason for them to try to do everything by themselves. Lightening the Load Now, there will be times when one has a lot going on and simply wants to open up to another person. During these times, it won’t be necessary for another person to give them advice or to tell them what to do. This will then be an example of the saying, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’. This saying perfectly encapsulates how vital it is for someone to extend themselves to other people. Two Sides Along with one reaching out to others when they are not at their best, there will be what happens when they have other needs to fulfil. This can be what takes place when they have the need to experience intimacy. Once again, they won’t feel as though there is anything wrong with them having this need. As a result of what is taking place for them, they might end up looking for someone to start a relationship with. Close Connections At the same time, one could have a number of people in their life that they can hug and share their thoughts and feelings with. Being in an intimate relationship is then not going to be the only way for them to connect at a deeper level to another person. If they want to spend time by themselves and to recharge or reflect, for instance, they will be able to. Yet, if they want to spend time around others and to recharge that way, they will be able to do so. The Ideal When someone experiences life in this way, they are going to be less likely to suffer in silence. No matter what takes place in their life, they won’t have the need to keep it to themselves or to make out that everything is fine, even if it isn’t. In other words, one won’t need to go against their own nature by trying to do everything by themselves and, thereby, to deny the fact that they need others. However, while living in this way will allow them to live in alignment with their own nature, there are going to be plenty of people who don’t live in this way. A Radically Different Life When someone goes against their own nature and doesn’t feel comfortable reaching out to others, they are likely to be carrying a lot of weight on their shoulders. There is going to be a lot of mental and emotional baggage for them to handle by themselves. This doesn’t mean that they will never reach out for others; what it means is that this will be the exception as opposed to the norm. Their needs are unlikely to be seen as normal; they will most likely be seen as something shameful. One Big Challenge Thus, regardless of whether they are not in a good way or if they want to experience intimacy, they might rarely do anything about it. Due to being this way, they could spend a lot of their life feeling overwhelmed and as though they are running on empty – that is, of course, unless they spend a lot of time being emotionally shut down. What they may or may not realise, is that they are living in the wrong way. Perhaps one has lived in this way for as long as they can remember, causing them to believe that this is just how life is. The lesser of two evils In addition to feeling as though there is something wrong with their needs, they could also feel this way about themselves. Consequently, reaching out to others is not going to be something that is seen as pleasurable, it will be seen as something that is painful. Reaching out to others, or even thinking about doing so, can be something that causes them to experience a lot of shame. Not reaching out to others is then going to cause them to experience pain on the one hand, but on the other, it will stop them from being overwhelmed by shame. A Closer Look If someone experience life in this way, what it can show is that their caregivers were not very responsive to their needs. Their early years would then have been a time when their caregivers didn’t have the tendency to respond in a positive manner to their needs. When they expressed a need, they may have generally been ignored, rejected and/or put down. This would have gradually caused them to give up and to disconnect from their needs, and to not only believe that their needs were bad, but that they themselves were bad. Awareness The time in their life that should have allowed them to form a strong connection to their fellow human beings was then a time that caused them to disconnect from them, with them having an experience of being ostracised by the very people who were supposed to embrace them. This important connection wouldn’t have developed, setting them up to suffer. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it will be (surprise, surprise), essential for them to reach out for external support. Through the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, they will gradually be able to heal their wounds and to accept, at a deeper level, that there is nothing wrong with them or their needs.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
I have recently been reading ‘The Feeling Child’ by Dr Arthur Janov, and there have been a number of things that have caught my attention. This is a fairly old book but it is still full of powerful content.
Based on the research that I have done over the years, I would say there are certain things that don’t really change when it comes to psychology. When it comes to information about how the brain works, for instance, this is something that changes as time goes by. One Area However, regardless of whether a book is four or forty years old, not a lot will change when it comes to how projection works. What was said about this defence mechanism decades ago is still accurate to this day. I would even go as far as to say that a number of these older books do a far better job at describing the basic components. So, in the same way that reading old English books can help someone to improve their English, reading old books on psychology can help them to improve their understanding of psychology. One Part At the beginning of this book, the author talks about a patient who had a premature birth, with this being something that had a big affect on their life. This person wasn’t told that this was what took place; it was something that they had come to believe after they had got in touch with the trauma that was trapped within them. Through connecting to this pain, along with the memories associated with it, it enabled them to see why they had always held onto things, had wanted things to stay the same, and felt overwhelmed when it came to changing their life. This was seen as a sign that part of them was hanging on - waiting until they would be given the chance to have a ‘proper birth’. Way Back What takes place in the womb and during childbirth is often overlooked when it comes to trying to understand why someone experiences life in a certain way as an adult. In today’s world, what is taking place in someone’s adult life can be put down to their genetics or seen as a result of them having a ‘chemical imbalance’. Consequently, what took place during their childhood is then going to be completely overlooked, let alone what happened before this stage of their life. Perhaps this is merely a reflection of how out of touch most of these ‘experts’ are, with them living on the surface of themselves. A Fact So, when it comes to the person who got into touch with what happened when they were born, it shows that their body remembered what took place. Up until this point, their mind had forgot that it had forgotten (another defence), which is why their current life challenges didn’t make any sense. They were then a neurotic adult, but it was as though there was no reason for them to be this way. Unsurprisingly, if they were forced out too soon, it would have been incredibly traumatising. The Symptoms At this point in their life they wouldn’t have been ready, and this is why they would have wanted to stay inside. As an adult, holding on and not wanting anything to change would have been a way of them to keep this pain at bay. Instead of being able to go with the flow of life, they would have done everything they could to resist life. Living in this way would have made their life far harder than it needed to be, causing them to experience unnecessary stress. Final Thoughts What this illustrates is that even if we don’t remember a traumatic event in our past, it doesn’t mean that it is not impacting our life. Our mind can forget anything, whereas our body doesn’t forget a thing. Therefore, while our mind can have absolutely no idea why we behave in a certain way or experience certain feelings, our body will know exactly why this is. Just as gold is found deep in the ground, insights are found deep in our body.
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Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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