Assertiveness: Does Someone Need To Feel Safe In Order To Assert Themselves?

When it comes to living a fulfilling life, it is going to be vital for someone to be able to listen to their own needs. The other part of this will be for them to feel comfortable enough to fulfil them.

A Life worth Living

This is not to say that they will always be able to fulfil their needs, but what it does mean is that they won’t have the tendency to neglect them. What this will show is that one feels as though it is safe enough for them to be on this planet.

Feeling this way at a deeper level is what gives them the ability to act like a separate human being. One will be part of the human race, yet they will still be able to act as though they have their own purpose to fulfil while they are here.

One Area

Thus, when it comes to their career, they might have achieved a certain level of success. This will be something that they do for themselves, as opposed to something that they do to look good in the eyes of others.

Conversely, they could be working towards something, meaning they could be studying or undergoing some kind of training. Perhaps they are at the beginning of their life, or maybe they stopped doing something that was no longer meaningful.

Another Area

If one was to think about the people in their life, they may find that these are people who they want to spend time with. It is then not that these people are just their for the sake of it; there are there for a reason.

These are going to be people who one feels safe around and this likely to show that they have good boundaries. Therefore, as these people are not going to have the inclination to walk over them, they won’t need to have their guard up around them.

Drawing the Line

However, even if one of these people were to do something that they didn’t feel comfortable with, it doesn’t mean that they would put up with it. Through having a strong connection with themselves, they would realise what is going on and this would allow them to do something about it.

When it comes to how they respond, it can all depend on what has taken place. For example, if another person did something that caused them to feel uncomfortable, they could simply tell them this directly.

Another Example

There are also going to be moments when one is asked if they would like to do something that they don’t want to do. And, instead of just saying yes, they will be able to say no without feeling as though they have done something wrong.

So, in addition to feeling safe, they are going to value themselves enough to pay attention to what is best for them. What might also make this easier is that they will understand that other people won’t always be able to say yes, for this very reason.

The Norm

When someone experiences life in this way, it can be how their life has been for as long as they can remember. Due to this, they are not going to know what their life would be like if they didn’t feel this way.

As a result of this, they could see people who don’t assert themselves and wonder what is going on. They might believe that these people need to just stand their ground and to longer put up with bad behaviour.

A New Approach

Now, if someone was told that they just need to stand their ground, they might agree with what has been said. Ergo, through changing their behaviour, they may find that their life begins to change.

Then again, they might not be able to do this; it could be something that causes them to be overwhelmed with fear. Part of them is going to want to listen to their own needs and to assert themselves, but another part of them is not going to allow them to do this.

Inner Conflict

The part of them that is going to be in control will be the part of them that wants them to do what other people want them to do. One is then going to be look like one person from the outside, but it will be as though they are at least two people on the inside.

It could be said that their conscious mind wants them to assert themselves and their unconscious mind doesn’t. Another way of looking at it would be to say that their adult self wants them to live in a certain way and the wounded child within them wants them to live in another way.

A Deeper Look

What this can show is that there was a time in their life when it wasn’t safe for them to exist. Perhaps their early years were a time when they were abused in some way, causing them to believe that it wasn’t safe for them to be on this planet.

The lower part of their body - the part that defines whether or not they feel safe - might be carrying a lot of trauma. What is going on for this part of them is then going to impact the rest of their body, as well as how their mind perceives the world.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Through releasing the trauma that is being held in their central nervous system, it will allow them to feel safe. Once they feel this way, it will be a lot easier for them to assert themselves.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk