To be seen and recognised is something that most human beings want to experience. And while this is part of being human and nothing to feel ashamed of, these needs are going to vary from person to person.
For some people, receiving a moderate amount of attention will be enough to enhance their wellbeing. This shows that their need for attention is not overly high and it is possible for them to fulfil this need.
And then there will be others who can’t get enough attention; it then won’t matter how much they receive from others, as it won’t be enough. It is then like trying to fill a black hole; attention is given and yet it has no lasting effect on how one feels.
So there will be some people who have the need to receive attention from others and yet, this won’t completely consume their life and define how they feel. And then there will be other people whose need for attention takes over their life and how they feel is then defined by whether or not other people give them attention.
And when one allows other people to be in control of how they feel, they are giving away their power. If it was possible for someone to always get the reactions they wanted form others it wouldn’t matter, but this is not possible.
There will be times when one will be able to get the attention they desire and times when they won’t. And what people responded to at one point in time won’t necessarily lead to the same response as time goes by; because while human beings are creatures of habit, they have short attention spans.
So just because one is able to catch another person’s eye and receive the attention they desire, it doesn’t mean that the same approach will work in the future. And this can mean that one has to do something else and to continually look for new ways to engage others.
This can be seen with how often certain singers change their appearance. Through doing this, it allows them to maintain the attention of their fans. And not only can their appearance change, but they can also change their style of music.
They are aware of the fact that once something has become familiar, it no longer stands out. It is then overlooked by the mind it and it starts to look for the next thing that is not familiar.
And all the time someone is doing things to gain attention from other people; they are going to be out of touch with their own wants and needs. There could be the chance that one is in touch with what they want and need and they are able to get attention from others because of it.
But in this case, the attention they receive is secondary and is not something they have pursed directly. However, just because someone’s whole life is defined by their need for attention; it doesn’t mean that they are aware of why they behave in this way.
The need for attention could make one do things that allow them to please other people and they can also do things that have the opposite affect. Here, one doesn’t please other people, but it won’t matter as they still receive attention.
It could also be something that one only looks for when it corms to the opposite sex. It is then not something that has an impact on their whole life.
It can be hard to comprehend why some people not only have a greater need for attention than others, but why they the attention they do receive has very little, if any, effect on them.
Although they are able to receive exactly what they are asking for, it’s as if they can’t completely embrace it. So whether they receive attention or not, their level of development can end up staying the same.
And while one will have physically grown up, it doesn’t mean they have emotionally grown up. Their level of emotional development could have become stuck at a certain point during their childhood. It is then not a surprise that one has a greater need than others for attention; as they simply didn’t get the attention they needed whilst growing up.
It is then not possible for one to grow out of the need to receive excessive amounts of attention from others. If they did receive the attention they needed, it would have allowed them to form a strong sense of self.
Sense Of Self
And through having a sense of self, one is no longer dependent on other people to define their identity or how they feel. But when someone’s needs and wants were not met on a consistent basis during ones childhood years, it can cause them to be dependent on other people for these things as an adult.
So in order for one to no longer need as much attention from others and to build up their own sense of self, it will be important for them to receive what they didn’t receive whist growing up.
This might mean that one needs to receive the positive regard that they didn’t receive whilst growing up. And when they are affirmed and this could be happening for the first time in their life, they might no longer need to receive so much attention from others.
The emotional pain that one experienced through not getting their needs met all those years ago may have stayed trapped in their body. If this is the case, one will need to release the trapped emotions from their body. One can be assisted here by a therapist, healer or some kind of body worker.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.